Q

I think it all started when I was eight or nine. When I stood next to this huge wide road one evening, (and I remember) looking at the huge bright-lit MacDonald’s sign. I was alone, and you know how your thoughts tend to wander when you are alone?

I started asking myself. Why am I here? As in, why am I in this world? Why is anybirdy in this world, why is this world even existing? Why couldn’t there be just a blank patch of nothingness? No galaxy, no stars, no people. Bam, nothing. Like before the Big bang. No, better, there should BE no Big Bang. Nothingness.

Then I started questioning the meaning of life. I know, I was only nine, and I got quite a shock myself. There IS no meaning to life. There is no goal in life. Okay, if your goal is to get into a good University. SO? So you can get a good job, get a high paying salary. SO? So that you can buy mercedes & mansions and enjoy life? SO? SO WHAT? It makes you happy?

SO, SO WHAT IF YOU ARE HAPPY? WHAT DO WE HAVE TO GAIN IN THE END? And even if we do gain something, does it really matter? There’s happiness, there’s suffering too. If we do not even exist, as in NOTHINGNESS, then there need not BE happiness, or sadness, or anything at all. And we can all live without happiness, can’t we? Oh wait, we won’t even be living. SO WHAT IS THE FREAKING POINT?

Why can’t we all just don’t exist? I’m not emo, or being morbid today, kbish? I’ve been riding on this topic for super long, to myself of course, no one seems to agree. But I feel strongly about it. It’s not even making me upset. I mean, I’m not upset about us living, of course. It’s just, I’m confused. Live for what? Everyone one living SO WHAT? Everyone NOT living, SO WHAT?

AGAIN. I AM NOT BEING EMO. I am just looking at this from a strange psychological point of view.

Speaking of Psychology, I’m super fascinated by how the human brain works. Not the cerebellum thing, I mean how they think. And I have a talent of making bogus theories that makes lots of sense! Or so I think. It has happened plenty a times. I think of why something is like that, and an explaination comes up, it all seems to fit, behold, Bogus Theory!

For example, today I was telling Celine how our jokes, ALL seem to be dirty. EVERY SINGLE one that is funny is dirty. If it’s not dirty, it’s not funny. Then I thought that maybe after you get laid, it won’t be the subject of a joke anymore. It’s more like a leisure? And since they don’t consider it joke, they have no other funny jokes to tell. That’s why most adults are dull compared to kids. Who tell dirty joke.

Bogus.