Q

TOP 5 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO IN HWACHONG

Also, I hate Onsugar because it totally does not have AutoSave and my original post was wiped clean by an accidental click and I sat there hating life, humankind, technology and flying insects for about 5 minutes before I decided to be nice and try to regenerate a similar one. BUT IT’S DIFFERENT. It’s like when your fighting fish died and you get another one in the same color and you name it Balloon like the previous one but it will NEVER BE THE SAME.

1) (Attempting to) Do Work

This is a popular choice – lending on it’s ability to somehow ease the guilt of frittering life away. How anyone can be assured by their apparent procrastination, simply by having their work laid out in front of them – hands on it, but their eyes glazed and/or concentrated on the Fac Hunk sitting at the opposite bench – is beyond me; the productivity rate is practically zero. Unless of course you read Braille.

A conventional variation to this attempt to Do Work would be what we like to call Peer Studying, also known as Let’s Pretend To Be Studying While We Bitch Over Our Math Lecture Notes! Not only does it come naturally, it is also effective in a way where your mugging disguise immediately averts any unwanted attention away from you. For example, any form of agitation arising from conversation topic will automatically be registered as frustration towards Math. No one would doubt another’s hatred for Math.

‘MOTHEREFFING SHITTYSHIT HOLE THAT BITCH OF A… (passerbys stares) – FUNCTION. (passerbys silently emphathise)’

At the end of the day, you’ll find yourself very successfully having done half a question. But that is alright, because you have substantially increased your gossip fodder by about tenfold, as well as memorised the features of your eye-candy. That certifies you as a complete stalker, but that is alright as well, because everyone is one.

2) (Attempting to) Play Frisbee

There are two categories. You either a) Truly enjoy Frisbee and can actually play, in which case Congratulations – You are not a Loser. Or maybe you are, you’re just a Loser who can play Frisbee, Congratulations anyway, – or b) Are not in a Sports CCA and is therefore devoid of any opportunity to exhibit your non-existent athletic prowess. And since you believe that muscle flexing gives you an edge when it comes to jio-ing girls, you take up Frisbee. This general addiction to Frisbee causes widespread displeasure because:

i) It takes up a hellota space in the Central Plaza and generally pisses everyone who isn’t a Frisbee player off.

ii) It causes a hellota injury. Because certain guailan people who’ve had enough of taking detours just to accommodate the little Frisbee obsession decide to just walk right into the game anyway, and end up getting tackled. A hell lot. I speak from personal experience.

iii) It creates a fad. Everyone plays. Everyone makes it look easy. Certain idealists (attempt to) play and end up failing. Miserably. Said idealists then move on to playing Fetch! with the bloody frisbee instead, taking turns to role play as the Dog, leaping into the air and retrieving it – complete with doggy sound effects and actions, before they can realize the extent of their public humiliation. I speak, once again, from personal experience.

Soz, maybe I’m just sore from being the one who had to be the Dog most often.

3) Fish Tanking

The Fish Tank is the ultimate hot-spot for doing absolutely everything while doing absolutely nothing. Hwachies like to call it Chilling Out. Doing nothing while eating nachos and drinking strawberry milk. Doing nothing while wishing someone hot would come into the Fish Tank. Doing nothing while browsing random publications such as the Hwachong yearbook to look for people you know, who looked more retarded last year than they do this year, so you get to mock them and feel exponentially much better about yourself. The possibilities of doing absolutely Nothing in the Fish Tank are infinite and inexhaustible. In fact if I had to give an award honoring the Prime Spot For Wasting Your Youth Away, I would present it to the Fish Tank. It is an absolute blackhole of precious time and that’s great. They even sell Mango Madness.

4) Shopping

Everyone needs a little shopping therapy after a mind-numbing day of Econs lectures. So as you wander aimlessly around Hwachong, why not instead aim yourself towards the Bookshop (perks: aircon) or the Welfare Room (cons: it stinks of rotting corpse). You can wander aimlessly INSIDE the bookshop, laughing at the frilly notebooks with phrases on it that don’t make sense (Raindrops are smiles of the sky / Happiness is smiled like a colorful butterfly). Or you can consider purchasing a High School Musical file. Or even a Disney Princess one. Being in the Bookshop makes you spoilt for choices, really it does.

Alternatively you can head down to the Welfare Room. Personally its lack of proper lighting coupled with the aforementioned suspicious, dodgy stink kind of reminds me of a torture dungeon. And I’ve always contemplated about the irony of its name vs. ambiance, as well as how the Councillors in-charge manage to stay in there for hours without feeling like asylum captives. But that aside, all is being compensated because they stock I All. Welfare Room wins.

5) Stoning

Stoning is, unprecedentedly, the most ubiquitous activity Hwachies delight in. It is inextricably linked to almost every other leisure we have on the list. Stoning is essential practice for school hours. Because if equipped without the skill of Stoning, we will ACTUALLY HAVE TO GO THROUGH LESSONS. As in, for real. But with Stoning, we essentially go through an Out of Body experience, where we escape from the present torture (mainly: boredom). Stoning is so widespread during school hours that we, as Hwachies, start to indulge in it AFTER school.

I mean, what IS there not to love about Stoning? It is the epitome of Nothing. You NEED nothing. You DO nothing. It is a total mind wipe. It is almighty. It is awesome. It is an art every Hwachy must aim to perfect. Yes, Stoning. The Most Essential Thing To Do When You Have Nothing To Do.

That’s all, noobz.

Edit: Which reminds me, when I came for Hwachong Openhouse, I actually told my mom; Why is everyone in Hwachong so STONED? Seriously they just sit there and.. STONE. Mom: NO LA, not so serious (looks around)(laughs) OMG it’s true.