Q

realized i’ve never listened to this without feeling incredibly sad..

there are many things i want to tell all of you, but like always i’ll take the easy way out and turn to food instead.

so here it is, my Non-Exhaustive Bucket List of Obscure Junk (& Non-Junk If It’s Really Good) Food. Also known as NEBLOF – which i will add to for as long as junk stays a staple in my diet (forever).

1.

CORNTOS.

they are like twisties – but then again NOT AT ALL. twisties are dead corn chips. they’re just passive knurls, lifeless and empty in your mouth. Corntos are ALIVE. they dance in your mouth and refuse to go down without a good crunch. yeah, corntos – twisties but alive. it’s also ‘a healthier choice’ which i happily believed to mean ‘REALLY GOOD FOR HEALTH AND LONGEVITY’ (and then i found out it’s just a load of fats but it’s worth it, really). the good part is that it comes in little 20g packages so you can eat many periodically throughout the day and lose count and forget how scarily much you’ve actually eaten, like me. the downside is that the powder gets all over your fingers so you have to lick it off – depending, you may look either exceptionally sexy or plain gross. oh right, an alternative is if you wash your hands of course. but no one actually does that.

2.

BREADTALK DANISH BARS

ignore the set and just get 5 danish bars. because it is GOOD. have been eyeing it for ages but somehow never got around to getting it. had it for the first time a couple days ago.. and i’ve already had three since. after a few rounds it gets less exciting, but try it at least once! like the good danish pastry it is, it’s made of laminated dough – somewhere between the taste/texture of a strudel and croissant. i’m really partial to the plain custard. if it were to moister and heavier with custard and FRESHLY MADE all the time, it would score a 9. but it’s halfway there, just nice enough to pick up every time you pass a Breadtalk. it’s a briefly sinful (ness told me today it’s deep-fried) and happy-day kind of dessert. for people who require something sweet after every meal. that is, again, me.

3.

STARBUCK’S SOY BANANA MUFFIN

k i don’t even know why this is here because it’s neither junk nor obscure, but I’M DETERMINED TO HAVE THIS TOMORROW so it needs to be here because i’m being obsessive. probably the only soy thing i eat, ever. besides soya souce and Mr Bean’s cheese pancake (which i assume is soy if not i feel veh betrayed). it is warm and just right and probably the healthiest thing i’ve ever tasted. just go eat. then again don’t because they sell out really fast.

4.

WHIRLEY POTATO

for full explanation, see:

https://dopaminedaze.wordpress.com/2010/07/02/whirley-potato-hip-hop-jelly/

5.

MACDONALD’S CINNAMON MELTS

you know all the times i said i’ve quit macdonalds for good? well it’s kind of not very true because i not-so-anymore-secretly am addicted to mccafe’s coffee. mccafe also comes with probably the most genius and most evil thing since the Mega Mac – cinnamon melts. cinnamon melts are always warm and sticky and so sweet you’ll never doubt that Ray Kroc (mcfounder) did have diabetes. but in a good way (the sweetness not the diabetes). i don’t know about you, but sweet + cinnamon + warm + pastry never goes wrong for me kthnx.

6.

KFC’S CHEESY CRUNCH CHICKEN

OKAY FINE LA I’LL ADMIT IT. THIS WAS THE MAIN POINT OF THE POST. THIS.

if you’ve watched the new kfc cheese chicken advertisement that seems to be dominating every channel i’m watching (not complaining though), you’ll get it. i haven’t actually eaten it (though i really, really, really, REALLY want to). want to is an understatement – this cheesy crunch shit haven’t left my mind since i’ve seen the commercial. EVERY. TIME. it’s on TV i stop what i’m doing and just watch. and watch. and die a little inside (the wide sargasso sea way according to gee).

tender juicy chicken marinated in a special blend of cheddar cheese, topped with tasty parmesan cheese sprinkles.

that’s exactly what the advertisement says. something like THIS existing on earth and people dare say there is no God? THIS. I WILL GET VERY VERY SOON. i don’t think i can survive another week without having this, i can’t. CANNOT GO ON ANYMORE NEED TO GET SOME FOOD INTO THIS JUNKYARD SYSTEM GNIGHT BYE EVERYONE.