Q

while in bed today i experimented with how far back into my life i could recall.

it’s surprisinglyextensive – not specific events but just images; texture; feelings. i went as far back as two – not sure how common that is. then again, i was an insanely active thinker as a toddler. apparently i was quiet and obsequent.. probably because i was way too busy inside to bother with the real world.

anyway, i’m not sure how long these memories would hold, so while they’re still vivid let’s recount them. when i’m eighty (which will be entirely depressing – i’d hate to live that long into menopause) i can remember my 18 year old self remembering my 2 year old self. (although when i’m 80 we MAY be living in an autocratic world where the interweb is banned. obviously have been reading too much politico-sci-fi.)

ALRIGHT.

Age 2:

spending days in my nanny’s house.

– mattress is slightly rubbery with braille dots all over.

– laid there the whole day and if i fidgeted too much i get scolded.

– i called the nanny’s husband uncle-papa.

– they fed me milk and when i drank too slow they’d tap the bottom of the bottle really hard until i suckled like some over-starved piglet.

– a rainbow slinky.

anyway i remember just laying there like an abnormal child just thinking about life.

retrospect: i was obviously repressed from being a bratty, noise-producing two year old, therefore manifestations of hyperactivity in my current self.

Age 3/4:

i remember trying out different day-care centers. one was dark and small, neighborhood-ish. they had wooden puzzles with cut out shapes and separate wooden shapes you had to fit into the molds. that day it was a trial run, i played it with my parent (either). remember thinking: ‘what. this is too easy for me. i don’t like it here.’

somehow i ended up in Rosyth childcare. which (REALLY) was academically advanced (because when i went on to Kindergarten, everything they taught i already knew). plus it was a huge pink compound with a hugeass garden playground, like a real sandbox and huge swings and tyres and metal slides and playhouses.

there i had lots of memories spanning 3 – 4.

– a boy he was mixed and was really cute. he told me to be Yellow Ranger. he was White Ranger. i was pissed off because i wanted to be Pink Ranger. once he held hands with Lisa and started to nosebleed.

– Cassandra the bully. with the whole imaginary siblings sequence.

– January. years later i found out her name was Genevieve but anyway she was gentle and timid and we were friends.

– there was a girl born without nails. she had to take cold showers.

– all the teachers thought i was adorable because i walked in tip-toes.

– a boy, during mass assembly, yelled I NEED TO PEE, and pulled off his shorts right there. everyone laughed.

– we stood in a row during shower time and shampooed the hair of whoever was in front of us.

– there was a teacher who made the kids in the front row press their nails on her legs. i don’t know.

– the hot pink bikini escapade.

– i ate slowly and seniors would feed me choo-choo train style. no apples for me because i ate too slow. but lots of caramel sweets.

Age 5/6:

then i got transferred to PAP nearer home, where i became a manipulative tyrant.

– we had to read glossy thin books about animals and their parts – noses, eyes, legs. it was so simple for me, the teacher assigned me as helper so i went around teaching the other kids.

– i had a clique. there was a girl Fiona, some other girl i really liked because she listens to me, Daniel, and a Malay girl. everyday we play-acted.

– Daniel says, i am your boyfriend. he flashed his shoulder at me. it was the most horrifying, obscene white expanse of flesh i’ve ever seen. i screamed.

– we had to wear white hello kitty tank tops with blue trimmings and dance for some local performance. i said NO i will not do it. everyone says GOGOGO (a recurring pattern in my childhood, you’ll see). the teacher forced me to. i hated it because i was a wild monkey-boychild and i had to hold hands with a boy. boys always have boogers on their hands.

– we did computer art on MS PAINT trololol. i won an award.

– i loved the curry puffs (wednesday i think). and hated green bean soup.

– there was a teacher, Ms Tham. she was incredibly biased towards me. i told everyone that. no one knew what bias was. fools.

Age 7:

CHIJ Punggol which later became CHIJ Our Lady of the Nativity. if read out in whole: Convent Holy Infant Jesus Our Lady of the Nativity. where i was in CLEO CHEW and CELINE ONG’s class. i can’t believe people i’ve met when i was SEVEN are constantly in my life now. in fact i’ll be seeing them tomorrow, so i guess after this age there’s little need for recollection.

– an incredibly annoying indian girl named Teeviya.. or something. she was just crazyass wild and (I WAS MONITRESS) when i told her to STOP IT. she went ‘OR HOR YOU SAID STUPID’. i wish i did, really. she was very.

– there was Cleo’s club and Madeline’s club. i sat on Cleo’s table, she said – Ok Weiqing. now you’re in CLEO’S CLUB. you cannot play with Madeline and her club. during recess, last to reach the flag pole will be the loser.

– eventually i joined Madeline’s club anyway because they played Spider which was amazingfreakingly fun. so everyday during recess we played Spider.

– once, a group of uncouth indian girls from another class yelled the F word at us. we told the teacher. she read an story which was a twist of the Three Little Pigs. apparently all the wolf wanted was pepper, and his huffing was sneezing from pepper. then we ate sunflower seeds.

– at the end of the year we did a school play remaking some sleepy bear thing. or something. the drama teacher asked, who’s really funny! and everyone said ‘her! her! (me! me!)’ i said nonono-aw, alright! so i became the grandma who said ‘if you don’t sleep, i will SIT on you!’ i remember that. Celine was narrator.

this concludes the innocent half of my childhood. after this section, a tiny girl named Rachel came in and polluted everyone’s minds. by everyone i mean MANY PEOPLE, and we became a conglomerate of screwed up perverts who fed off each other’s strangeness and eventually when Primary Six rolled by, we were the WEIRDEST 12 year olds you would’ve come across. i have others to vouch for that.