Q

YES. i have been trying to post. the past three hundred in my wordpress account are drafts, i just couldn’t get myself to complete them. (usually this means i have a life, as i am always very eager to reiterate.)

also i have lost all ability to write linearly. have been glossing over this with lists (see: past few posts) – an ill-disguised attempt to seem coherent and logical. i fail. this wouldn’t go on for long, i promise. i’ve sustained this place for seven years so it’s another three to hit a nice number. OCD asserts that i’ll not stop till 2016. so anyway, sporadic thoughts that are too long for twitter.

1.

rehearsals, rehearsals.

it’s been going pretty well actually, until last week where we stagnated slightly (slightly!). and then DUMDUMDUM tragedy struck: one of us fell while doing circus stunts and broke half her front tooth. if you know most of us you’d guess by now that it’s Celine. you’re right! so anyway, we were really lucky and Celine got fillings done and was dandy enough to go for rehearsals the very next day.

this very next day i mentioned? well yeah. someone fractured her foot. so by now you’re probably reorganizing other cast members in order of accident-proneness. save it, it was Celine again. YES, FOOL. it wasn’t even for rehearsals: i was waltzing with my bag across the corridor and she thought mimicry was witty. nein, she slipped on a puddle and fell. and you thought that only happened in cartoons (and you wouldn’t believe how incredibly fast i typed that last sentence wow?).

praise the Lord though, she’s fine (despite fracture scare, etc.)

2.

SAFRA for Beni and my birthday.

this year the plan was to kidnap (or abduct now that we’re no longer kids), blindfold, and somehow ferry Benita and I to SAFRA. SAFRA, by the way, a multi-storey hugeass jungle gym for all ages.. although mostly populated by kids and their atrophied parents. AND NOW US.

surprise of the day is: we didn’t get a single parental complain.

so we did the hugeass slides and screamed like babies and played hide and seek. AND THEN THE REAL FUN BEGAN: while hiding, Cel and I wandered into a whole column which Xaver and Amelia (sibling duo of everything Caucasian and adorable) had claimed as their dominion. we got them to be our lookouts against the other catchers. being politically incorrect, i kept yelling at them to find the big Chinese things and keep them as Asian slaves.

SO THEY DID.

but seriously, those kids were amazing. SAFRA wouldn’t have been half as fun without them. Amelia climbed over everyone and will grow up to be a diva.. who climbs around everyone. Xaver, on the other hand – is like Eminem but a lot less annoying. and also he loves shouting and fighting which is just hot.

Xaver’s rap: ‘i.. wenttothestore to buy some peanutbutter but they had NO peanutbutter so i wenttothestore and bought some JAMandBUTTER and i had it with toast and itwasgood.. OOHYEAH!’ meanwhile, Amelia just belly flops on everyone with complete confidence that someone would catch her and also tried to lick all of us (in a cute way).

after a couple hours of play, they got really high. and when kids get high.. Xaver went insanely aggressive and started to banish everyone out of his base and ordering everyone to salute him while shouting I HATE YOU!!! Amelia meanwhile started shooting the foam balls all around yelling BOOBS! BOOBS! (not instigated by any of us, swear).

they calmed down, being the great kids they are. Xaver went to us all charming and ang moh and said ‘anyway.. everything i said just now. i didn’t mean it.’ (WE DIED. stupid ang moh charm lol.)

before they went home, both Amelia and Xaver went to everyone THREE TIMES. one round of hugs, one round of kisses, and then they went around KISSING OUR HANDS. like we were freaking ladies in 18th century England. seriously, those kids.

and it was Amelia’s birthday the next day, so she very gleefully made all of us hold hands in a circle to sing a birthday song. so we skipped around her while she DANCED LIKE A TOTAL DIVA.

i know it’s slightly dumb to say this, but i really really miss them. i felt like i was five and had to part with friends i made throughout the day. why is it so easy to make friends as kids. ..well.. anyway.

…i’m actually kinda upset now thinking those two.

3.

i shall master this. will. for Brutal Demon Sex Maniacs, our band of ocarinas, maracas, ukes, and possibly a jew’s harp if we can find it.

4.

Firefly. is an amazing show.

5.

rush hour MRT poles are like pinoy portkeys, i thought.

then was struck by how good a simile that actually is. since they all hang on for dear life while waiting to actually get somewhere.

and if you don’t know what portkeys are, you probably don’t know what rictusempra is either. Google, or perhaps: http://www.amazon.com/Harry-Potter-Hardcover-Boxed-Set/dp/0545044251

6.

finished Kirino’s Out. again, the brilliantly crafted characters. again, the nothing much ending – which i point out not as a downside, more of a Kirino trademark (his books aren’t about the ending. it’s about the characters throughout the book). i prefer Grotesque, though.

and also the Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. basically, three-hundred-thirty-five pages about an obese colored geek who seeks love and fears dying a virgin – and how he eventually (SPOILERS!) lost his virginity. and promptly died thereafter. it’s not bad, actually. i found his geekiness under explored though. the author kept mixing up nerd with otaku and tended to name drop geektastic terms, only ever going into detail with Lord of the Rings.

also the whole book made me find Oscar incredibly un-shaggable, they didn’t even attempt to make him neater before (SPOILERS!) he got some ass.

it’s good because of the narrative, which works.

OHAI. so now we get to the best part: AMELIE NOTHOMB. remember how i was all over Hygiene and the Assassin? while yeah i wanted to finish everything she’s ever written and i’ve just started on my second: Loving Sabotage. usually second books of first books which were great usually disappoint. THANK GOD, NOT FOR THE FRENCH, NO PEOPLE, NO. Nothomb was so, so skilled, i actually had to dramatically close the page and regulate my breathing because i was hyperventilating from good writing.

what can i say about her writing? she’s bold. arrogant. and anything but pretentious. she says things you wouldn’t have thought, not even subconsciously, and brings them up with such dry wit you find yourself reeling.

I AM VERY, VERY EXCITED.

7.

i have been walking.. kind of a lot.

firstly, public transport is shit. secondly, ADULT FARE – i didn’t get the extent of it despite the Twitter bitching until a couple of weeks later when my fully topped up thirty dollar card ran out. thirdly, i’ve always loved walking. i just never really had the luxury of time to.

so now, with time, youth, willingness, and a legitimate reason, i’m walking EVERYWHERE. alright not everywhere, but everywhere unless it’s really dumb and would take my half the day.

i’m not sure why i like walking so much – maybe it’s self-induced since my inner compass is absolute crap and i end up having to walk thrice the usual distance (lost). when i was young and homework-less i used to walk home from St. Nicks, which is about twenty odd stops. and i also love circling around Holland V estates like a creeper.

recently i’ve taken to walking to the MRT. if i’ve got to Serangoon and have the time, i’d walk there. that’s like two MRT stops. i’m badass. strangely i’m very fast. sometimes i don’t even notice how much i’ve walked and i’m home. it’s just a thing.

8.

WHICH MAKES ME THINK. MY SENSE OF DIRECTION. it really IS all out shit.

SO IT’S TIME FOR A LIST!

list! list! list!

Five Strangest Incidents My Crap Direction Sense Had Landed Me In

The Crane Miscalculation

this one remains, forever, a Mugger’s classic.

it was Shereen’s and Becky’s birthday surprise, so we all went early to Gloria’s to prepare. when Shereen arrived, i was sent to escort her back to G’s (pretending i’ve only just reached too) (WHY ME? i don’t know why me).

i thought i was really smart too, when i figured the only way i’ll get back alive was if i took note of landmarks. the most obvious and all-encompassing thing being this huge crane (construction going on). so fetch Shereen, etc. all was going well and i was for once aware of directions and was LEADING HER SOMEWHERE.

which turned out to be wrongwhere. because, Weiqing, CRANES. MOVE. (albeit slowly and sneakily.)

Shereen was the one who at last navigated the way to her surprise party, so once again i fail at life. this may also be more telling of my stupidity than lack of compass. ah, well.

The Night-goggles Disorientation

i’ve been having tuition there for awhile. it’s a few minutes walk from a train station, and while i always walk to get there, my mom would pick me up from. once my mom couldn’t make it. the combined force of it being an inverse path AND it being 9pm instead of 7pm was so daunting, i panicked and got lost. yes. I GOT LOST. A ROUTE I TAKE EVERY WEEK. because it was a different sky-color and the other way around.

as you can see, it’s not that my sense of direction sucks, it just does not exist. i get to places through conditioning.

The Epic Mall Escapade

i could NEVER find my way to Xin’s house alone despite leeching around there all the time (much to the wrath/bemusement/annoyance of the rest). so at long last i got myself orientated to the direction (with lots of help from Prata Place, about that – later). AND THEN THEY HAD TO BUILD THE MALL. actually, when they were building,  it was fine. i was confident, i was alright, finally i could get to Xin’s house without having to call everyone up.

AND THEN. it finished building and Nex was there in all it’s heartland glory – all silver and shiny and obnoxiously large and disorientating.

so disorientating in fact, that i lost whatever conditioning or inner compass i’ve been carefully nurturing. had to call Xin up for directions after wandering about like a mentally-challenged cat yanked away from it’s mother. and got yelled at “WHAT DO YOU MEAN NEX CONFUSES YOU? IT HAS BEEN BUILDING THERE FOR THE PAST MONTHS. YOU FOOL.”

The Canteen Confusion

i may have mentioned that St. Nicks (AMK compound) is so big, i’ve got lost in it.

maybe you thought i meant that as a hyperbole. i didn’t. by lost i mean, yes. regularly, i hit dead-ends and find myself in strange roof exits and have to retrace my steps all the way back to where i started and pretend i didn’t need to go wherever i needed to go.

the staff room and the MPRs were the most confusing, because the staff room is literally in the heart of a maze (everywhere is a maze to me), while the extension block is just a freaking megabot-transformers-third-arm of a maze i could not figure out. i guess you can forgive me for those.

but the canteen? yes, the canteen. where we go every. freaking. day.

one thing i rely on very much for direction (also why my sense of- has always been crippled) is company. i just let everyone lead me around without noticing the route. so you can lure me down a street in Ulu Pandan (speaking off, i once got so lost i ended up in Ulu Pandan. for serious.) to sell me as shoe factory labour in Nicaragua and i would gladly follow. anyway: everyday, the happy St Nicks friends and i would go canteen together to eat eat.

so what happens when i’m to go to the canteen alone? lose my way. like a loser. haha. haha.

i actually ended up in the top floor of the Primary Block (St. Nicholas compound used by both secondary and primary), it was incredibly weird and i’ve never been there before. it was like Harry with the Room of Requirement, except i didn’t need anything there. and i tried my very best to walk all the way back to my classroom.

also had a hard time finding excuses as to why i didn’t get all the food i was supposed to get for my classmates. “i couldn’t find the canteen.” now you know.

The Misplaced Food-place

i have ONE redeeming quality when it comes to directions:

if this said route has many food places of my immediate gastronomical interest, it is a route easily navigated.

often, it is ‘Old Chang Kee should be on my left, that’s good… right turn at Frolick, uh huh. now face Starbucks and continue until Sizzler’s is in view.’ this is probably the only reason why i even get ANYWHERE. except, of course, food places sometimes change.

one of the most mind-raping routes i can almost never grasp despite going there about twice a week in my studying days – AMK library. for some reason it’s like hell’s labyrinth and i’m destined to never get it right (even now i’m kind of just walking in a general direction to get there, i.e. closing my eyes and walking straight holding Google maps with fear and prayer).

my aim after awhile wasn’t to find my way there, but just to be on a right enough track so i don’t end up in Bishan or Novena or something. banking on my strengths, i created a List of Food Places I Should See That Ascertains I’m On The Right Track.

FOOD PLACES, however, LIKE CRANES, DISAPPOINT. LIKE PEOPLE, THEY CHANGE. and sneakier, even, because they change unsuspectingly when you’ve gotten yourself somewhat familiar and am starting to gather confidence from all the lost faith, dignity, and direction. it is all very upsetting.

very upsetting.