Q

(as a tribute to our 1st year together yay!)

Like i said before i still have a lot to learn about sharing my life with someone else in such an intimate way but i have picked up some important stuff here and there – i may be generalizing but they’ve mostly worked for me, so:

1. Don’t give in or compromise.

If you find yourself giving in most of the time, even for things that you truly stand for or reasonably want, it might make you a good boy/girlfriend for the other, but not necessarily one in context of the relationship. Firstly, it’s not a sustainable strategy because eventually you’ll tire out. Secondly, a relationship is built when both are investing. If the other doesn’t have a chance to give up certain things, they’d get bored before you tire out.

This may sound contradictory, because everyone exhalts compromise as the key to a healthy relationship. I’m playing semantics here, but compromise connotes some level of dissatisfaction despite an agreement. Instead, a couple should see their happiness as a joint affair, so ensuring the other’s well-being becomes natural, not an ‘inconvenience’ or a compromise.

2. Honesty over everything.

I learnt this over the first few months: that even white lies, or not being completely open about your feelings with some things leads to no where pleasant. Sometimes yes the truth can be embarrassing or humbling, or just plain awkward to discuss. But getting past that uncomfortable bridge just once makes everything afterwards so much easier. Inhibitions and partial truths are reserved for future employers and insurance forms, not relationships you want to sustain.

3. Stop seeking drama.

Oh my god I cannot stress this enough. Fortunately both Justin and I are pretty averse to this so it’s never been an issue, but we’re constantly horrified by the amount of self-generated pathos all around us. I don’t know what it is about Singaporeans but it’s like they just can’t get enough of thrills and would (subconsciously or not) cook up problems and indulge in romantic mind games which they would then passive aggressively hint at ALL OVER SOCIAL MEDIA which is one of my pet peeves by the way.

A relationship is as straightforward as you want it to be. Of course real problems exist, but faaar too often it’s constructed by people themselves and then brought to a new level of PDPA (Public Display of Passive Aggressiveness) which is just UGH. Ok if mind games and tumultuous relationships are your fetish go ahead but leave my Twitter feed alone? Also if your partner is not into it, it’s just plain annoying. Shtap.

4. A relationship isn’t a trade.

There isn’t a need to a tabulate how much you’ve done for the other and surreptitiously await payment. Neither is there the obligation to reimburse the other for whatever they’ve done for you (both Justin and I suffer from this lol). I guess yeah, accept that the other loves you and wants to do things for you. Carrying guilt or a sense of obligation becomes an unnecessary burden. At the same time do things out of love without conditions.

5. Don’t idealize (too much).

Some times we forget that a good girl/boyfriend may not be the perfect girl/boyfriend for you. Likewise what others deem to be a perfect relationship may not be what you’re truly looking for. We may have a checklist of ideals, but it really boils down to the fluid, real time interaction, no? Focus on what he or she is doing with or for you without actual expectations at all (besides the core ones like being faithful and all, lah) and just be appreciative.

:-) YAY!