Q

1. Would you convert to a different religion if your fiancé/fiancée was of a different faith?

The short answer is no.

The complete answer requires a more thorough definition of ‘converting’. Does this require just a conversion in name, or the need to believe in a different faith? I would do the former, but not the latter. Not just because I think it’s ridiculous to let an external factor (besides your own beliefs) rule what you believe in, but also that you simply can’t change what you believe in unless it comes from yourself, free from your desire to please another.

I know a lot of people who see common religious beliefs as the fundamental basis of a relationship. I don’t think it is wrong, because it’s all a reflection of the position religion has in your own personal life. Personally, religion is a practice from which you can exercise your beliefs. We have different religions to better fit the shape of our individual beliefs. I think two people of differing religions – say Buddhism and Christianity – as long as their faith are based on very concrete and similar ethics of doing good and loving others, can very well carry out a relationship each practicing their faith in different ways.

In a locally relevant and difficult situation where my fiancé is a muslim, i’d have plenty of reservations about conversion (even if only in name). It would largely depend on how much I love said partner and how much I’m willing to give in exchange for a future with him. The possibility of me converting, given that I do love him very much, is high though. Because I don’t understand a world that prevents you from being together with someone you love just for religion.

That said, there are limits. Islamic beliefs are, to me, generally quite sound. The practices I would have to adhere to: eating halal, not painting my nails, not having alcohol, are small sacrifices I am willing to make for life with a loved one (although I will find it HUGELY DEPRESSING that I can’t have a pet dog). If it were another religion that champions beliefs I cannot conceive of (like power before kindness, or beating children to death, or whatever), I will not compromise even for the sake of love. It would also make me question my fiancé’s person, because anyone who would stay rooted to dodgy beliefs – and even expect me to convert into it – cannot be someone I can trust.

On another note, I am someone who believes in a God but is dating an atheist. We are both pretty open about our hopes that the other would one day be convinced by the other. Surprisingly, we’ve never had even one argument about our opposing beliefs. Debates, yes plenty of them, but always listening to the other and trying to get each other’s pov. Justin likes to call me a fake Christian, because besides my faith in the existence of a loving God, I don’t evangelize or church on a regular basis. I like to think of Justin as broken by hardcore evangelizers, but secretly and innately someone who believes in a higher being. We may both be wrong.

I had once been hard pressed into thinking that the ideal boyfriend would be a Christian one, and that if I settled for anything besides speaks poorly of my faith too. But I am no longer alright with anchoring the ‘goodness’ of my faith onto unyielding constructs by men of faith. Surely God himself understands how nuanced life he has created is. Dating someone who is truly good but atheist cannot be worse than dating someone who is morally questionable but staunchly Christian by name. At the same time, our beliefs are constantly reshaped with wisdom and by influences of those close to us. I truly don’t think what we call ourselves right now religiously should serve as a marker for ‘to-date’ or ‘not-to-date’.

That was quite a digression from the main question, but ultimately my answer would be that IT REALLY DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION. Especially

a) how much i love the person/can see a future with him

b) the fundamental beliefs of that person himself
(they shouldn’t clash with mine, and should ideally be similar)

c) the fundamental teachings of his religion
(they shouldn’t clash with mine or be questionable, they do not need to be identical to my own current practices)