Q

3. Is happiness a delusion? Is happiness only real when shared? Why or why not?

That’s actually 2 questions, but ok.

Is happiness a delusion? As a psych major I should be telling you that happiness is a well-timed, balanced interplay of neurotransmitters – so I’d say it’s both a delusion (if you’re the ~*spring of happiness from the depths of your soul*~ sort), and not (albeit a biologically phenomenon).

Personally, happiness isn’t a delusion because I have experienced it. I think we all have delusions about happiness, but happiness itself is not one. My approach to happiness is pretty cognitive.

The common delusions we have about happiness is that:

a) Once we have it, it’s ours to keep

False. Happiness is transient. I think we all diligently hoard happiness – every form and moment of it – hoping that one day we can enjoy complete happiness all at once.

Part of being truly happy, however, is acknowledging that each manifestation of happiness is purest as it comes and goes.

Sometimes different joys overlap, others leave a depressing hiatus before the next: no single joy lasts, but it always comes again. Between those we have hope.

b) We need to pursue it as an end point

Quite like hoarding, a lot of us embody the notion of 先苦后甜 – working hard so we can enjoy what we reap later in life. But happiness can occur anytime and anywhere, it doesn’t wait for you while you work your ass off and turn away from it. Sometimes happiness is just contentment within the given moment.

c) It just comes as an emotion, beyond human control

While we work towards happiness, we often passively wait for happiness to just… happen. To me happiness is equal parts instinctive emotion as it is cognitive effort.

There will always be worries/foils to happiness in the larger, more complex landscape of life. Say someone throws you a surprise party, but you just failed your semester. How you feel in this period of time is largely determined by how you orientate your outlook.

This is something I truly believe in – that happiness is very much within your control, despite of or in addition to external conditions. Of course, neurobiology plays a huge a part too. Neurotransmitters may trip up your ability to cognitively align yourself with happiness; genetic factors may predispose you to pessimism.

I’m either lucky or very simple, because contentment comes easy for me. I’m not exceedingly ambitious, and I take (perhaps too much) joy from the smallest of things.

So, no, happiness is not a delusion, and is more easily attained than many of us believe.

Is happiness only real when shared?

Um, bullshit? Happiness can definitely be amplified. When two people share a common joy, it’s more likely to be expressed and articulated. Like an echo chamber it bounces back and forth as a magnified reminder: acting out your happiness actually makes you happy (and this is a legit psych thing, add in-text citation here).

But many times happiness is an individual happening, because they are tailored to our very personal definitions and standards of happiness. Sometimes, even, happiness is selfish. Even with a loved one you love (especially with a loved one), your happiness can be a trade-off for theirs.

So, nope. Real happiness does not have to be shared.