Q

There’s a good reason why i’ve been blogging less. Well. Not really a good one. I used to be so indulgent and inhibited with my writing it’s horrifyingly embarrassing. At the same time i need to give props to the past me: A+ for courage, girl.

It’s not that i have a huge readership now, but i’ve realized the potential debate my posts can trigger. I wish it didn’t, but that deters me from posting unfiltered. Because i know how flawed and biased most of my thoughts are. A more academically rigorous Qing would close up the specious rips in her arguments. Not me i want to drink hot milo and sleep by midnight.

It’s sad because so many times ideas or thoughts would bubble into being, cry out to be explicated, but fizzle out without claiming an appropriate outlet. They are conceptual fetuses – pathetic and raw and helpless. I was okay with throwing fetuses into the cyber-void once upon a time. Now i’m too conscious of public evaluation.

–

Anyway, school has begun (!!) (?) I’m equal parts thrilled and reluctant. There is nothing i love more than stewing in slothfulness on my bed all day with YouTube. At the same time, there is a masochistic pleasure in hammering my brains about all day.

Today i thundered through my readings. The professor warned us that the paper would be a difficult one to understand. Personally, the indigestibility stems from it being quite a shitty paper, not a tough one. There is a difference. I’m in a very critical mood today. In the margins of all my readings i scribble angry black words and feel unjustifiably smug and superior.

Goodbye.