Month: July 2015

• Meander

  There is something about me today and panicking about lost / found memories.

  In the showers I was struck with regret at my lack of detailed everyday recounting. It’s too late to pen down fresh, happy happenings. In less than a month, J leaves for the US. Life will be so, so much different to the past few years. If only I had more records of our time together, the small things, the ones that really matter.

  But then again, really, what would I have written? “Today, we lay in bed talking about life and everything else.” For an accurate recapture of what we did, how I felt, how precious the moment is to me, it’ll take more effortful musing. Just not practical as a daily exercise I guess.

  I wish there was some way to record all our conversations together. There are probably hours amassed. I’m not sure if other couples talk as much as we do. Evidently we’re both people who love to yammer on about practically anything, online and offline. There is nothing we leave unpicked I guess, from cultural and moral debates to abstract discussions of art to idle gossip and lengthy explorations of games and shows and anime. Basically everything.

  This is something I’ll miss very, very, very much. There is something about being face to face with someone, with nowhere to go and nothing urgent to pursue, just wringing ourselves dry of opinions and thoughts and musings and revelations. I leave every conversation with insights both from myself and J. Anyway.

  Yeah my point being, I feel urged to start a more detailed diary of the mundane everyday, and at the same time feel the ache of being too late. Also, the lack of a suitable platform.

  I’d say the closest to the kind of functionality I desire is Dayre. But the thing about Dayre is that it sets out to be a social media platform than a tool. There are no password locks, privatising, anonymous follows. Currently I’m keeping one as my Dream Journal, and so far it has very neatly fulfilled its duty haha. Love going back to read my nonsense dreams.

  But yeah, something close to Dayre’s layout and features, but with more anonymity? Anyone has a recommendation?

  July 17, 2015

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• Hey

  Just went on a massive privatising spree, fueled by paranoia. The truth is that not that many people read my blog. Still, the sense of shame that has developed late, but nonetheless arrived, gave me a mini panic attack.

  Partly motivating this is a little episode one night at Vanessa’s place, hanging out with the girls. We trawled through her blog archives (all the way to primary 5!!!) and it was goodtimesfuntimes for us all. Stomach-cramping laughter at the expense of her past vapidity.

  It’s alright confined within our circle (NOPE, NOT SHARING HER URL), but ugh the thought of anyone else – especially in the professional arena – chancing upon our lame kid selves is horrifying.

  Plus, like i’ve lamented a million times, i feel so constrained by knowledge of how public and permanent blogs can be. :-( So many times i’ve stopped short of posting something more private. Anyway, I’ll never give this place up. Probably will break a record for longest blogging streak ever, at least locally. It’s been almost a decade!

  Reminder to self: Take more photos when out for keepsake, update this place more often, no matter how mundane or lame. Lame then lame lor, i’m lame what. Ok bye!

  July 17, 2015

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