Q

It’s almost been a month.

Things i’ve learnt: I’m a lot more independent than i gave myself credit for. It’s not that life would be miserable without J… just a lot less enjoyable. The times it does strike me are when we Skype (which isn’t often), when i see him right there without the physical presence. Beyond that, i don’t have the luxury of dwelling with a busy school/work schedule.

His absence is most felt at the most random times, when i just want to tell someone something. Not even rants or htht. When i have an opinion about the most irrelevant, passing events – then life throws back a foreign silence. The voice in my head is uncomfortably audible, when i used to have his to hear, to hold.

It’s like being out in a friend, starting a comment about something, then turning around to find that your friend has wandered off.

It’s also a little like having a lobotomy, where a very integral part of your inner world has been plucked off your self. You can function fully without it, but it also feels strangely… empty.

I guess it takes someone being away to really know the surprising roles his or her play in your life. It’s only been a month so i don’t know if it gets harder or easier from here.

Also i kept reaching out to touch my Macbook screen because i’ve been so used to my Surface Pro. Both are brilliant machines and i’m so pleased with all my essential PC purchases these years. The mac feels insanely heavy after half a month with my SP3 though.