Q

When it gets cold, rainy, and dark like this, i regress.

Wake up feeling like a different time, when i was a lot younger and felt safer, simpler, maybe happier. Except this time with the full knowledge that i’m no longer that self. I get bouts of deep, disturbing nostalgia throughout my life. More than nostalgia (there is yet a name for it, which makes me think mine is a singular experience), I’m prone to feeling displaced – from places and time; a tugging homesickness even while i lie in bed at home.

This round i’m back in a time where i was a child without the responsibility of the future. Each day laid themselves out plain for me: holidays, relax; school, study. I awake cocooned in my blanket against the cold with smooth sheets beneath my feet (my favorite feeling) and am groggily aware that someone is preparing my breakfast. I may dread a day in class, i may loathe waking early, but there is never an unknown. I am cared for fully.

To so starkly be placed in this state emotionally, but cognitively understand i’m an adult and bear the onus of life, is shite.

For now though, i’m taking it easy.

Things to work for:

BTT

Productions

ISM research