It is our 1st anniversary today and i don’t think you remember.
christmas, new year’s eve, my birthday, it has so far been disappointing. so i have prepared myself in advance, pep-talked myself into believing that i don’t mind if you forgot – that i want you to forget. So that my gift of labor to you is all the more precious in its guilt-inducing asymmetry, because i’m messed up like that. i hold guilt like power.
all the preparation, but last night i woke up at 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep. i cried because i knew you’ve forgotten, before the day’s begun. i cried because i couldn’t make myself not care.
but this is self-destructive, i’ve decided that year 2 with you will be defined by these resolutions:
I won’t put you as the center of my life anymore, the disparity is too huge. You obviously care for me, but the positioning of you and me in each other’s universes is too disparate.
- I won’t plan to spend every spare moment i have (off-days, free nights) with you. In fact, i will stop asking you whether we can study together (unless i really need/want to).
- I will choose to spend time with friends/family if given the choice, over you. I will.
- I won’t agree to every thing you propose, if i don’t feel like it. If i’m sleepy, tired, busy, have other things to do – i will say no
QING, please. Come back to these rules you’ve set yourself, alright?
Q 