Q

Perhaps love is overrated.

Still, it is a fascinating thing to have and behold. A heady chemical compound made up of god-knows how much oxytocin and dopamine, throw in serotonin and norepinephrine for good measure. Time the releases at just the right frequency and – kaboom! – you have love. Not easy, but really not the magic it’s touted to be.

Choice, though, choice is so overrated.

Don’t tell me love is a choice. One is biological chemistry, and the other, an act of will governed by too many factors to be the fix-all in many a cavalier dispensing of advice.

Why would I choose everyday to arbitrarily be attached to someone for no satisfactory reason? No, choice cannot be it — how fare the weak-willed, or those sans choice, or those who need a a reason to make that choice?

It must be respect. To still find yourself respecting who this person is, and find yourself respected in kind. To agree with the person they are, to be motivated and inspired by how they act. It is through the lenses of respect that you accord the other with the right treatment (as they say, ‘treat respectfully’); through respect that you withhold any urge to hurt or destruct. It is admiration – on the foundation of respect – that is the continuous affirmation of both reasonable and emotional attachment to another.

Not love, not choice. Respect.