Another day, another podcast that had me proper pissed.
Listened to this The Daily Ketchup episode and it gave me a rash with its ignorance, misogyny, and overall propagation of toxic stereotypes.
The practice of procuring Vietnamese wives was so blatantly and shamelessly spoken of as a transaction, with nary an attempt to provide a more nuanced perspective to it. If their goal was to expose the mindset of local uncles who think taking advantage of those with less economic means is a heroic and ethical act, they have succeeded.
I find the “purchasing” (let’s call it what it is) of a Vietnamese bride very wrong, for the same reasons I find commercial surrogacy wrong. The distaste has NOTHING to do with looking down on Vietnamese wives or women who choose to be surrogates. None at all. It is quite the opposite – I do not think it is right to exploit the bodies and lives of those who have scarce resources, pretending they truly consent to such an exploitation.
Yes, you may argue that it is the choice of the Vietnamese bride / surrogate mother. But is it really? If they had more, and were not forced to a corner, would they still choose to do this?
No matter how you spin it, no matter how well or sincerely you treat the wife, it is still plainly an exploitation based on an imbalance of (economic) power. Not abusing a woman is a GIVEN, not something to be lauded.
Yet, appallingly, in the YouTube comments, this uncle was praised for being genuine, for not matchmaking for profit, some even going as far to say they would vote him as a politician wtf? Has the local community collectively lost their damn mind?
Does no one notice the glaringly stereotypical and destructive statements made by this uncle?
First, he said that when he was choosing his wife in Vietnam, he brought along a few candidates to a store and asked them to select clothes at his expense.
He mentally struck off one who dressed inappropriately for a teacher’s wife (he is a discipline master, go figure, typical boomer uncle granted too much power). And his daughter was also making observations and judging on the sidelines.
Why should any woman be subject to your judgement and “tests” like so, if they’re meant to become your life partner, meant to be your equal? Why were you, uncle, not subject to any tests and being judged for your age, your fashion choices, the way you speak, and your ignorant boomer opinions? Oh, that’s right, the disparity of power you have so conveniently taken for granted and so carelessly glossed over in this podcast.
Second, uncle recounted how his wife felt like a second class citizen after moving to Singapore, because at gatherings his friends’ wives could speak English and had jobs.
He assured her by saying she’s now Mrs Goh and “no longer some Ah Gow from Vietnam.” Now, excuse me here but what in the blue world is this statement, and how revealing it is of how he views her background, her culture, and her family.
He could, instead, have said that she’s fluent in HER native language and cannot be faulted for not speaking what she was not educated in or exposed to. He could have said that a job does not define her. No. He did none of that because he obviously does not think the above. Instead, he thinks that he – uncle – has heroically and single-handedly granted her first class citizenship by proxy of marriage to him. Barf.
You know what’s rich? His English is atrocious. He can’t even say Vietnam (“Wietnam”). How someone like that can feel an iota of superiority to another for speaking English? If your wife had the opportunities you did, she could be actually fluent in several languages and doing more with her life, with more progressive thoughts than you, uncle.
Third. He said if a 20+ year old Singaporean guy asks for his matchmaking services he would say no and to look for a Singaporean girl instead. Again revealing his inherent prejudice against Vietnamese women as “second choices” for those who are older and presumably have a smaller pool to choose from.
He then went on to list the pros and cons of Vietnamese brides. Not surprisingly, citing them as subservient and obedient – which are pros in his books. He also implied that Singaporean girls are fussy and picky.
Singaporean women are only as picky as Singaporean men are, and we can afford to do so because, literally, we can afford just as much as local men. We have equal rights and resources, as we rightfully should, and thus have the right to pick who we spend the rest of our lives with. Should I also call local uncles picky for choosing Vietnamese women over Singaporeans?
Do not even get me started on valuing the virtues of subservience.
Fourth. He now lists a con of marrying Vietnamese wives: that childrfen born to such couplings do not do well in school “according to his experience”. Because “Vietnamese women are not educated and cannot teach their children”.
I was boiling at this point and wondering why none of the hosts jumped in to correct this confidently made confound of a claim.
What a vile statement to make. Given that their mothers sacrifice so much, being taken advantage of by old geezers like him with precisely the hope to give their children a better life… and here he is casually saying, yeah they aren’t gonna do as well.
No really, this man (although I’m reluctant to grace him with this title) needs to be called out for his self-righteous guise as such a ethical matchmaker, when in fact he is a misguided misogynist with outdated thinking too PAINFUL to listen to, who is enabled by others who share his view or don’t have the balls to call him out.
Oho and I’m not even done yet.
Fifth. The lovely cherry on top of uncle’s utter and destructive ignorance.
A host asked why he thinks Vietnamese women do not want to marry Vietnamese men instead.
Without missing a beat, uncle said with full confidence of a fool who knows nothing, OH because Vietnamese men drink a lot, go home and beat up their wives. And unlike Singapore the women don’t have protection from the likes of women’s charter, so such cases are dismissed as a private domestic affair.
?????
Are there Vietnamese men who drink and beat up their wives? Yes. As with many other countries and cultures.
How about the many, many Vietnamese men who are honest, hardworking, and love their wives? To claim so steadfastly as if this is a NORM in Vietnam is absolutely W I L D.
How was this episode allowed to be aired, how did it get through editing, and why did the hosts do nothing to correct or at least add nuances to the sweeping claims made? How is NO ONE calling out the numerous bullshit said in the youtube comments?
Q 