Category: Campus Capers
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Hi C, I’ve graduated!
Dear C,
Two days ago, I officially graduated! Half a year late but here nonetheless.
What I hoped to be a snappy affair – ceremony, photos with family, go home – turned out a futile dream. And I’m glad for that. :-)
Here are our friends turning up with a blaze of insanity. I’m eternally grateful for their love, although heavily guised by sarcasm, throughout my years of college. B hiding snacks under my bed, V praying through all my hard times, and everyone’s immediate and intense WhatsApp responses whenever another’s in need. Did not expect this horde to show up with their busy schedule, but they did and I can’t be more grateful. :’-)
I’m thankful also that the awkwardness of formal events was diffused by their sheer craziness. As V said, I don’t know what I’ll do without these people who’d do the most socially inappropriate things with me in public.
C, your absence and presence was both with us all that day.
If you were there you would have flounced towards me, flapping your arms in glee. You would have, with your maternal warble, went “OH QING, I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!~” You would have given the affectionate and all-encompassing hug typical of a semi-inebriated aunt with a flair for dramatics. And wrap all this up with a quip (about growing up, about achievements, about friendships) that would have us all rolling our eyes in mock annoyance.
But you were there, simply because we knew so well how you would have been. You were there because all the crazies who came down that day carried a bit of you, and your madness, and love, and mad love for them through the years. Like horcruxes of your soul.
C, you would also gush endlessly about how I’m finally being taken care of properly. You confessed to have silently worried about this for the past years. Know that I’m in good hands now, as I know you are.
I would wish you were here, but in a way, you already are.
Missing you!
Q xox
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SMU Local Exchange 2015!
I’ve been meaning to blog about my local exchange at SMU (which i thoroughly enjoyed), but with work starting and weekends fermenting away from my computer, it has not yet materialized.
Maybe some day i’ll do a more detailed post? But for now a brief recap so i don’t forget good memories.
1. The people!
There are many, many people i don’t know in SMU – but i didn’t get the “so alone amidst a crowd” feeling even once. I suppose it’s because i’m on exchange and therefore expected not to know anyone. Also, everyone’s really friendly! You are quick to respond if you ask for help, and it feels pretty corporate so there’s no real clique-ing up or anything.
I’d have thought an SMU exchange would be spent with the St Nicks girls, but since they are either a) overseas b) on LOA or c) super busy, i hung out mostly with the Hwachong guys! Without this exchange i wouldn’t have had the chance to catch up with everyone for a whole sem, so for that i’m really grateful. Shout out to Jianyi who buddied me through my otherwise hollow Thursdays!
It was also nice having Shereen in my class (first since 2009)! Since uni, she has been so busy as a law student it’s almost impossible to poach her for some R&R. I do treasure my lessons spent with her a lot + flash HTHT sessions here and there.
2. Campus
Absolutely love the campus. Firstly, it is BLOODY ACCESSIBLE. I take less than 40 min to get to school. NUS back home is absolute hell, and since i’ve always lived in RC, i’m talking once a week (which is bad enough).
Secondly, the library is amazing. It’s clean and bright. I avoid NUS library because it feels infested with old germs and grime. The feel of SMU is pretty much a more corporate UTown. BUT NEARER.
I like how everything is gleaming and new. It tingles the raven-esque part of me that craves shiny objects. Also you can walk from one end to another within 10 min? Please do not attempt this in NUS because it will take more than an hour.
3. Course Material & Classes
I had a glorious 2 day work week, and 4 courses. It was overall pretty chillax LOLOLOL. At least in terms of Psych, NUS is a lot more hardcore. We focus more on the academic side of Psych, i guess – whereas SMU is more about application. It’s only after i took some SMU psych mods did i realize how academically rigorous NUS Psych department is. This is not necessarily a bad thing, because i love being challenged and it is the scientific rigor that founded my obsession with Psych.
The workload was very manageable, and the tutors are are very willing to guide you along. I can’t speak for all modules though, only the ones i took (see below). Just make sure you do some basic preparation, and actually bother about the graded work lol. I wanted to take exchange easy, so tbh i slacked off way more than i would’ve allowed myself in NUS. The only parts i put extra effort in were project group work, cause i didn’t want to be that exchange deadweight.
Overall, i did pretty well! BUT it may be because of the modules i took. I think many other SMU students take on extra workload/have other work/take tougher mods. I’m not very sure what the norm is in SMU, or even what my GPA means (we use CAP), but hey! Many As! I’m happy enough. I heard that SMU students get higher than 4 (which is their max GPA) though. :O
4. Food
This is one thing i’ll miss the most about SMU… THE FOOD CHOICES. Don’t understand when SMU friends complain there’s “nothing much to eat around here”. NO!!! You don’t understand!!! There’s Dhoby Ghaut, Raffles Place, Bugis, Bras Basah… there is nothing you CANNOT eat around here! From cheap hawker food to school food to upscale cafes… everything is there omg! I found so many food gems and am so, so sad to leave them behind!
Things i will miss: 18Chefs (student meal!), Makisan, Nam Nam, the Cold Storage salad Shereen and i love (it is SO GOOD), momolato gelato, Food Summon hawker centre… EVERYTHING!!!
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I’m already missing SMU wehhhhh ;-(
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Factoid Generator
I may actually have outgrown this blog: something i prayed would never happen.
Its no longer the perfect medium for my musings, because i’m stricter with the form they take. Or rather, i’m more conscious of an imaginary audience who would be strict with the content of my thoughts. Hopefully this is just a phase, and i’d eventually develop either a) intellectual rigor to produce substantiated posts or b) shamelessness whereupon i’d just dump my insights in raw and be ok with criticism.
In the meantime, desperate for an outlet, i’ve taken to physical diary-writing. This is something i’ve not done for a long, long time (since i started this blog in 2006 actually!) So i guess this is kinda a reversion than anything else. Behold my freakishly neat text, at least until the end of the page:
I may also have been unwittingly subjecting my friends in real life with more of my sporadic factoid outbursts, which may or (more frequently) may not be of interest to them. J pointed out that i have this tendency to introduce completely random facts to people, which are not conducive for further conservation, and thus makes things awkward. This discussion took place after a Mug’s dinner, where yes i do take liberties with, and often do as i please without considering social norms (because none of the Mugs adhere to this).
J, in one of his cutting wit moments, mumbled “autistic” when i whined on about how i just enjoyed sharing interesting factoids with friends. OFFENSIVE and never letting him forget this (!!!) It’s true though, in retrospect. That i have been using sentences very enthusiastically of the structure: “DID YOU KNOW THAT (insert psychological findings / weakly explained philo-physics / anything on my Feedly)” So maybe i have been a little excessive with that…
I’m sorry if any of you were subject to my outbursts. I guess it’s cause i’d rather have friends i know than unseen strangers on the internet judge me.
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On the other hand, my discussion with J took a weirder turn. His point was that people might not want to know or think about whatever shred of information i’ve dished out – because the topic isn’t of their interest. I insisted that people are, and that i’m always curious to know about issues i’m unfamiliar with. He attempted several times to initiate a topic that might bore me but failed. At last he landed on how binary works on computers 101010001011: he knew so intricately about the mechanisms, and i on the other hand was so fueled by fascination, that he spent quite awhile explaining its entire operation. And ended up being very impressed by his strangely detailed understanding of binary.
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Y3S1
Kickstarted Y3S1 having breakfast with Manda and J. Made up slightly for my apprehension with staying in RC this semester. What with the high-risk dengue and screwed up door lock etc, and of course general homesickness – i’m beginning to think maybe staying home wouldn’t be such a bad idea. :-<
Oh well.
Going through rather severe creative constipation. Not that i haven’t had that since 2012 so what’s new. Can’t write, not feeling the itch to sketch, don’t even have much to blog about. I blame this on my stagnant brain during the holidays. Maybe i need academic preoccupation, or the relevance of procrastination to stimulate some form of creative output.
On the other hand. Very hooked on the Hitch hiker’s series. Can’t believe it took me this long to start on them.
This is simply an update.
It is raining. Balls.
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Body cui
Week 10. Again the non-stop work, but four semesters in i’ve gotten used to this. Doesn’t faze me anymore, no.
Have been feeling unwell these days. Maybe it’s from the overall lack of physical activity because of my leg (which is much better but still hurting). I’m the kind who fancies good, long walks and jiggling about even in my room. Not possible when crippled. This week is marked by nausea, migraines, hot flashes (???) and an unsettling cottony feeling in my brain.
Suspecting it’s the medication/withdrawal from. I don’t take well to medicine. As a kid i was discouraged from taking them – especially antibiotics. I’ve basically braved colds and fevers without any medication until about 14? This might sound like child abuse but it also gave me a smashing immune system, i didn’t fall sick often (maybe once in 3 years).
It’s not like i’ve been good with myself though, hur. For dinner today i literally had just a bunch of japanese fluffy buns and chocolate kinder bueno tim tams. Scoffed at today’s RC selection of salad and protein, headed for carbs pure carbs. So bad for me but needed it so much. I will pay for abusing my body one day — but maybe 25 years from now so yeah bye delayed gratification.
so acutely aware of how fallible my aged body is now. 21 years old, physical self no longer the hardy thing i can knock around without as much as a scratch. Injury prone and slow recoveries, migraines and medication. Why :-(
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Leaving home / Back to campus
Monday morning I woke up missing having nowhere to go.
I pack hastily but efficiently: I’ve gotten good at that, it is a byproduct of when home constantly changes its shape and meaning.
That morning it was just me and my popo. Her daily routine has a lithographic space within mine. I recognize the shift in her breathing as she stirs awake, the soft jangle of jade and silver against her wrist when she turns down the covers, the notes of caffeine from her daily brew.
In this pocket of time I’ve learnt when to cut across rooms and how long I have to fumble for clothes, masking the squeak of my wardrobe door under a gurgle of boiling water as she prepares her coffee. I’ve developed the skills of one-man espionage, learning her habits so well I can go virtually unnoticed by her in a modestly sized apartment if I wanted to.
And I wanted to. I like leaving alone.
In my old house, I rose first on weekdays and left before anyone did. Back then my route didn’t take me anywhere near the rest of my family. Those mornings were mine, and I loved it. I padded stealthily around taking in everything in vivid detail: my own thoughts, the temperature, and the furniture that seem to take on a larger purpose of its own when still unused before the day begins.
Those were the easy times alone I’d hoard every day before the madness of school, where it was difficult even to portion out enough attention for each friend, much less your self.
When I moved in with my popo, these times got harder, but I managed to carve them out all the same.
That morning, I managed to. But at the door, wholly ready, my espionage-level understanding of my grandma backfired. If I were to slip out through the gates without a word, trimming off the fat of fuss and hassle from her I so meticulously avoided, I knew exactly what would happen.
Popo, in all her octogeneriac vigor, would flit from room to room, peering in for my familiar shape sprawled across the bed or on the couch jabbing away at my phone. That image broke my heart.
Buoyed by sudden courage/conscience, I swallowed the sour of selfishness and yelled out a goodbye, hoping to make my way far enough before she had time to accost me with additional interrogation (去哪里？为什么这么快要回去了？婆婆要跟你去吃饭勒！)/reminders for general well-being (要带冷衣！那把雨伞！吃早餐先!)
I have, of course, underestimated my popo’s moxie when motivated by concern for grandkids. At an almost inconceivable speed she was at the door, the whole time screeching for me to wait up.
The interrogation/reminders, as fully expected, came in squalls.
Escaping this takes two parts dismissiveness, a part of firmness, and a final whisk of well-timed smiles and nods and “orh!”s. With that I took off, bearing the fuss, turning back to wave at her/wave her off. Both.
My popo shrinks perceptibly but strains to amplify her self in her desperation to get me to slow down. Clutching at the steel gates her head yearns towards my direction, in her typical soprano she repeatedly shrieks 几时回来？
Not exactly the sight I want to see just as I move out for the semester.
I don’t know how to explain to her that my reluctance to answer that: when I’ll be home, is not just a careless disregard of her concern. I don’t want to answer her because it’ll be awhile until I do, and it pains me a lot more than it does for her to be reminded of that.
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On learning.
Every semester, deadlines get tighter, assignments demand more, my ability to allocate attention to each module wilts a little.
Was whining about how stretched I feel to Justin, and although at the time I was too vexed to register what he kept saying, one thing he reiterated stood out: That I’m learning and I should be happy about that.
It’s embarrassing, but I lose track of that goal so often, when it should be intuitive and obvious.
I’m here to learn. Whatever my grades are ultimately, I get my degree. Yes, getting a better grade can nudge my starting salary margin up by a couple hundred. But really, in the large scheme of things, so what?
The first time I’ve felt significant academic stimulation was in JC, when I did my first AQ for GP. I loved responding to a prescribed text or topic in a critical manner, without a formal anchor. I remember going, so this is what thinking is. I loved it. JC, although frankly quite challenging, didn’t offer much space for freer discourse though.
In that gap between graduating and matriculation – probably the longest I’ve gone without school, I started to crave critical thinking. I hoarded information off the net and read endlessly on subjects I never bothered with before.
But I was used to being spoon-fed, with at least a rough framework to work with, and although valiant my efforts were haphazard and yielded little. At the time I was incredibly excited for Uni, where I would be made to start thinking and knowing again.
Sem 1 was a dazzle of intellectual frenzy and I loved every moment of it. Political science intro with all it’s fancy new theories, psychology which i’ve wanted to do for years, my comfort zone in literature where everything is always fun and never goes wrong… and then there was my first usp module which near well sent me into the throes of self-doubt, but was also the module I loved the most.
It was writing and critical thinking on justice and was basically just this intense philosophical module around issues of law and justice in all it’s abstraction and theoretical aspects. It might not seem like much two mods more into uni but right then it was just about the most challenging academic course i’ve had, and i loved every single brain-wringing moment of it.
I felt like I was really, really engaging with whatever I was learning. I felt like I needed to push myself to understand things, to produce any thing. It was just brilliant and right now what I define real education to be.
To be fair, all the modules in my subsequent semesters provide me with the opportunity to feel that as well, especially my USP mods. But at the same time there are additional expectations for more technical aspects of academic work, like formal research and structure. That kinda bogs down my whole enthusiastic freedom learner thing.
Still.
I guess, yes, I am very grateful to have the opportunity to learn. And I wish so much to always remember how that is my main objective. As long as I’m applying myself to engage with my material, grades shouldn’t really bother me. The Asian pride in me does want to do well just for the heck of though.
My mid-semester crisis where I started to doubt my major choice of psych kind of stemmed from its lack of academic freedom/rigor it expected from me, actually. I really love free, unseen critical response. That I need to deal with (and memorize, horror!) facts and figures and have ‘right’ answers kind of turn me off the module.
I wanted to Psychology because, to me, it’s the most encompassing of all fields (or so I thought). It’s essentially learning about why and how humans work – our behavior, our thought, everything. But now I’m not so sure. Everything is so formulaic, and although yes I can handle it all but it just doesn’t excite me as much as critiquing does.
Starting to suspect that I’m not as much of a social scientist as I thought……. 0-:
At the same time, the facts and figures are fascinating. They form the knowledge bulk of academia. My theory is that there are two main facets of learning – knowledge hoarding and critical thinking. I guess we all need both for wholesome learning, but GOD memorizing is so tedious.
Ngh!!! Mid-sem crisis again.
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Yogyakarta, 24th – 28th Sept
Squandered recess week away with a (study) trip to Yogyakarta.
It was amazing, and the place was unexpectedly beautiful for a relatively non-touristy area (unlike Bali). Us girls got lucky, we got a cottage with a back door that led directly to this:
Loved our room so, so much. Spacious, rustic, all wood and unpretentiousness. Also, the very impractical outdoor showers where we could be one with nature.
Borobudur and Prambanan temple visit.
The people there were zen and had almost no concept of punctuality, which i mean in the nicest way possible. No one was in a rush to go anywhere or do anything, and because of that no one else feels the pressure to rush. Everyone’s just chill all the time, even with waiting for others. I love it.
One of the greatest factors making this trip so amazing would be the PEOPLE. So, so blessed to have gone with a class full of people with a great sense of fun, and who are as devoted to shopping and eating as i am ahaha (although that’s just most singaporeans so yeah). No interpersonal conflict cropped up (which is rare when it comes to being with close proximity for FIVE DAYS), and in fact each day we just got crazier in our infectious happiness hahaha. The peak of it on the night before our departure, where we laughed continuously and pretty intensely at Pizza Hut, and after that the entire ride back to the hotel. Everyone’s so adorable oh god.
AND THE CHEAP FOOD. We went absolutely batshit nuts with grocery shopping on the second last day. Check out our receipts. And also the daily feasting on Magnum (only a buck over there whaaa) and assorted other indo-goodies!
Had the best time there, wish i could go back someday again!
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R4 YESSAH !
Arts Camp 2013. Although this time round i didn’t get the freshie experience, it was nothing less than amazing and i’m so, so thankful for that (and to everyone who made it so).
I remember the culture shock i got in 2012, entering a place where everyone screamed unabashedly about their wriggling snakes and making babies with each other. But upon induction you realize this is the only time you can be completely crude, have fun with it for some reason probably related to Freud’s theories of repression, and get away with it (with a prize if you do it enthusiastically enough).
That about sums up what i love about Arts Camp. It’s a place where you don’t get judged, where everyone just loves each other, stripped from the every day inhibitions and wariness and social distance.
That said, I hope all that loving loveliness with all the people old and new i’ve met in AC2013 carries on after camp. Can’t wait for O Week~~~! (Although I can wait for start of school oh god T.T the dread.)
Q 