The following depicts What Has Become Of Me.
Lazyass.
Therefore, post shall be in Highlights of the Day format.
Because lazy.
1) GOT INTO CAP!!! (Here, insert imaginative clip of me crazy-dancing with joy.)Here’s the But.I can’t go. Because. Pre-U Sem.I try my best not to feel disappointed.:-D
2) I fear for my emotional state.Or the lack thereof. It’s as if I can never feel anger or sadness, or at least I can only to a very superficial extent, and for only a short period of time.
Sometimes it scares me.. because my primarily emotions – happy or worried. I know it’s silly to not appreciate positivity in my life. But the thing is.. it’s not that I DON’T feel sad or angry. It’s that I can’t. Sometimes I just put on a front and accord to an emotion to suit the situation. When in fact I nearly never really get affected. Trufax: some days, I tell myself; this is a sad day. You need to be upset today. But it becomes a struggle to NOT be happy. By half-day I’ll be laughing myself insane over something or another. I FORGET to keep myself upset.Even when I DO have a reason to be upset or mad, and present to myself all the things going wrong, there is ALWAYS this annoyingly cheerful voice that dominates over the others and start jabbering off about how things are fine actually and how I don’t have much reason to be down and YADDA YADDA AND I’M LIKE STFU LEAVE ME ALONE TO MOURN AND BE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING PLEASE.
If you know what I mean. No, you don’t. I know. I’m strange. :/ I just can’t summon true anger or depression, really.
Possibilities:
A. I’ve reached psychological nirvana. I’m beyond all affectations by emotions, people or situation. I am in the state of enlightenment. Unlikely. Because I be noob. I mean, if I were really God of Emotions that would somehow show in a more obvious manner, besides my inability to be pissified, right?
B. Extreme repression of emotions. I am so psychologically disturbed that I quash all negative feelings so deep into the recesses of my being, I don’t even know it exists. One day, it’s gonna spill over and I’ll go all apeshit maniac. Like, bring a BB gun and go on a massacre rampage all over Hwachong, or kidnap all the vending machines and threaten to set them on fire if the school won’t reward me with three months of free Island Creamery.Then again, that’s an attractive idea even now.
C. This is probably true. I see life as a game (or as Debs puts it, a show). I am as detached with life as I am to any soap opera on Channel 8. Sure, I feel a vague sense of mourning when anything unpleasant happens. But mostly, I feel bad FOR the character, an indirect emotion. Likewise, I feel the sadness FOR myself, as if my being and my emotional state are two separate entities, and my spirit watches my entire life events with complete detachment. There is even this cold, evaluating voice that assesses and analyses the people/situation around me even when I’m undergoing any form of mental turmoil.
Okay now, that made me sound plain creepy.
3) I hope things get better for our class. What with all the academic disappointments, general feelings of lethargy and issues. I’m just wishing it’ll take a positive turn soon. Soon, or we’ll crack.
4) Monday Picnic with Mugger’s Club sans Benita!
Yummy food, blazing sun, failed cam-whoring.I would say, mostly the food.Mom: “BOTANIC GARDENS? So childish.”
5) LOL moments.
“PLANTS ARE HUMANS WHO EAT SHIT.””DO NOT USE THE LORD’S NAME IN VAIN.””Imagine a dinosaur looking at you and then running away screaming. Ridiculous right? That’s like you with the lizard.”6) NAPFA’s over. GOLD (-:Thank you Personal Trainer Jingzhi! <3
Q 