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#FOODPORN wrap up

A year ago, we decided to do what we love, with people we love. A year ago, Chop Chilli Chop came into being. We spent the past 12 months meeting periodically, drafting and re-drafting, conceptualizing and editing. We have spent hours and hours – hogging cafe seats – standing over huge sheets of paper, poring over battle plans. Two weeks ago we started rehearsing intensely, putting what we have thought through in great detail to execution.

Every day we left the rehearsal space with a new play learnt. It has been quite an adventure, but I would not have enjoyed myself so thoroughly with anything less. I love the rush of re-jigging the entire play one day before show, fuelled by caffeine and the dopamine of inadequate sleep. I love pushing through, the adrenaline of facing unknowns and free-falling.

I am both so, so proud of ourselves; and incredibly humbled by this experience. I’m proud of the effort we have put into every little detail, every action and movement, every prop, every moment. I’m proud of us having the guts to pull off this three-(wo)man project. But i’m humbled because without our audience members, this could not have been possible. Thank you for coming to watch us with open hearts and minds.

And to our bestests, our constants, thank you for having our back. We can always count on you for your undying support, no matter how bizarre (or messy) our endeavours. From FOH-ing, coming down to give great advice, helping to clean up after – you girls are my greatest inspiration and motivation.

To the #FOODPORN crew – eloquent as i am, my gratitude is inexpressible with mere words. You guys have taught me so much: most of all that people should be brave and do what they love, no matter the cost.

To my most beloved #ChopChilliChop. We have come so far. Three tiny girls with the need to reach out and say something, in the way we best know how to. And we did it. :-) All the hilarious moments, all the intense breakdowns (together and at each other), through it all i knew i could trust y’all 100%. Creating work with your best friends is a huge privilege, and i’ll never stop being thankful for this.

And also to Hans, my rock through it all. For being the one person i think of in the breath i take right before stepping on stage. For being a silent but useful human being backstage, for sitting through our shambolic rehearsals, and for still being around after hearing my horrigible singing. <3

September 5, 2016
Pokemon NO: A Love Story

I don’t see faces my age anymore.

There weren’t many to begin with – but this time, it’s not a hyperbole. Everywhere I go, they have been reduced to the haunting silhouette of a crest and a nose, focused on their screens.

Those screens. They form a broken sea of blue-green all around me. Little markers of red and white bob in chilling synchrony.

For awhile I cared enough to be desperate: I sought to be seen. Let me be your Togepi, I screamed in my head, catch me the way you would Mew! But in this psychological gym battle, Pixels won. By far.

I’ve grown resigned to this life. I wander among the wrinkled and ludite, the past 30s. I take in the sky and the grass and the concrete as a strange on-behalf-of apology to nature. Overcompensating.

And then one day it happened.

Weaving through the mass of crest-nose-screen (I must be the most adroit human around, no one knew how to make way anymore), my gaze travelled from tarmac to grass to –

holy fuckeroni – human. eye. contact. Eyes that held as much desire as I knew was reflected in mine. Was this it? Have I finally found someone who gets it too?

In a dreamlike haze he made his way towards me, his face so visible it felt vaguely, embarrassingly, naked. And those hands, those blessedly empty hands. No flickering blue-green screen, no bobbing Pokeballs.

Now he was just a few feet from me, his eyes fixed and pleading. They were so captivating, I missed the first half of his appeal:

” – switch batteries, please! My phone die liao but got Onyx nearby!”

August 6, 2016
Reader

I thought i’ve stopped reading as much as i used to, but i was wrong.

Somewhere along the way i’ve just switched tracks from books to blogs. And when it comes to blogs, i’m indiscriminate in my reading – just as i was with books as a child. I devour them all, the mundane and the weepy; the flowery and the grammatically incorrect.

Guess i was wrong about not liking non-fiction too.

It’s an addiction, really. I like stories that are human, that are raw. Nothing needs to happen. I like to access the surface, unfiltered thoughts of whoever you are and decipher the complexes beneath.

No one is less interesting than the other.

Curated writing from those who possess more self-awareness, those are good reads. They present insights whole, complete with a tidy bow. Ramblings are all the better, where every pause, every word-used-instead-of-another is a code to what’s really going on.

I’m still an obsessive reader, just a very kaypoh one.

August 1, 2016
July Excerpts

We went Kayaking! @ Passion Waves Marina. Weather was merciful, view was pretty, company was brilliant. Took home with me a horrifying sunburn on both calves that till today is tempting me with its fiery itch. Wanna do this more often though! The allowed area was kinda restricted so NEW PLACES TO EXPLORE it shall be. It’s bloody rejuvenating being out there, despite the occasional motherscary fish corpses.

Chop Chilli Chop blog is launched!

And also we received the NAC grant! Still pretty surreal thinking about it. That our little experimental project is receiving so much support. Thankful that there are people who care enough about youths who want to do shit with their lives, even if it’s not a conventional path or even a main career choice.

#foodporn #foodporn #foodporn in less than 2 months and so much left to do~

Hans came over to my aunt’s for our Special Occasions homemade prawn noods, although there was no Special Occasion this time round, ‘cept maybe his first time over. Later we spent quite long going through which aunt is which (i have 5). Not sure why someone would wanna subject himself to a confusing family tree crash course, but i’m glad to have someone who cares enough to know. :-)

Oh ya and also…

I PASSED MY BTT!!!

Okay this is really nothing to brag about but i TRULY thought i was gonna fail. And might probably have if i had gone for the initial test date (thank goodness for stomach flu never thought i’d say that). Crammed the last two days and whoo! 48/50. SG ROADS HERE BE ME. Also, beware.

On the same day as my BTT, i also attended Zephyr’s grad!!! Felt such immense pride for her. It’s just this feeling of completion, of having pulled through, and emerged, with a bloody DEGREE. I kept telling Z “OMG you have a degree now!!!” Because it’s still surreal to think that. I’m a semester late. And will only be in my grad robes a year from now.

Seeing everyone graduate first doesn’t bother me at all though. I’m not quite ready to bet thrown out of school yet, to be frank. I’m plenty glad with just a couple more months in the safe refuge of structured education. Until then~

July 9, 2016
Peace

Been waking up these days to a vague sense of peace and happiness.

It is probably the weather, but i’m still stuck in that loop of “Qing-when-she-was-x-age” strange transported nostalgia thing. But instead of feeling like crap, it has sorta a calming effect on me nowadays.

Every summer feels so different from the other.

The other day Hanshen came over for dinner for the very first time. Alright, not really. More specifically my popo cooked us dinner for the very first time. This is the boyfriend numero uno i’ve brought home to meet my grans. And i gotta say it is a real nice feeling to have two of my favorite people in the world interact.

Pretty sky but my boyfie awkward.

Have also been splashing around on Sketchbook Pro to get #chopchillichop logo out.

Contender so far. Thoughts?

Today would be production meeting > shopping > work at HS’ > homecooked dinner. EXCITED~ Yes i yam easily excited by simple things.

Reminder to self: Do a post on the food FOH cafe would be selling!

June 26, 2016
QTfoodporn BTS 1.0

Prepwork for #chopchillichop has been rolling~

This is all relatively new to us: the marketing, the photoshoots, the filming. We were a stripped down, roll-on-the-ground bunch of theatre kids way back then. Transience was bare marketing (we roped in a friend to take photos of us sitting on wooden chairs, had NO idea what we were doing). Oh, and we wore white potato sacks for the performance.

This time, we’re still bumbling around blind as much as usual. But we’re thinking and making plans, and being GRAND with these plans. So, so much thanks to friends who’ve volunteered their services because if left to our own devices, Xin, Ting and Qing would have burned down a building and destroyed a bunch of rented equipment.

Raw BTS shots for our marketing material. You won’t see this in the final products, but basically the shenanigans we were up to. Had to plastic-proof the entire place – the foodie mess after was quite a horror show. If you watch Dexter, it was basically a Dexter massacre… with food.

Beautiful lighting courtesy of lighting director JH. Photo quality credits to Hanshen…’s camera.

Not everything worked out, though. Happy as we look it was pretty damn disgusting having melted watery whipped cream down your bra.

18/6 – FILMING!

Filmed our key videos for the play. YES, there will be film as part of our live performance, with Jem de incredibly talented videographer doing our post-prod editting/concept.

SO THIS HAPPENED. The full damage. Please be around friends, to watch me gorge myself in full make-up. Basically my childhood dream come true?

Weirdest part is that i was filmed while eating. That MukBhang is a thing is very, very strange yet i can fully understand the appeal of watching such videos. Never thought i’d one day attempt to MAKE such a video.

Can’t for y’all to see the final product!!!

Oh dear i’m getting hungry looking at this. HOW AM I NOT TURNED OFF BY FOOD STILL?

We’re only halfway through this journey and i’m already feeling overwhelmed by all the love and support so many people (who are in no way obliged to) have given us. We’ll work hard to give our very best to you guys. <3 Thank you all for bearing with our weird projects.

We secretly think this performance is just an excuse for us to do shambolic things we’ve always wanted to but couldn’t bc of social graces.

#QTFOODPORN IN 2+ MONTHS!!!

June 19, 2016
:-)

Work aside, or maybe because of all that work, i’ve been feeling fulfilled these days. I wake up early too excited to go back to sleep; each day there are things to do and people to meet and love to be received.

Very, very content.

June 17, 2016
whether weather

When it gets cold, rainy, and dark like this, i regress.

Wake up feeling like a different time, when i was a lot younger and felt safer, simpler, maybe happier. Except this time with the full knowledge that i’m no longer that self. I get bouts of deep, disturbing nostalgia throughout my life. More than nostalgia (there is yet a name for it, which makes me think mine is a singular experience), I’m prone to feeling displaced – from places and time; a tugging homesickness even while i lie in bed at home.

This round i’m back in a time where i was a child without the responsibility of the future. Each day laid themselves out plain for me: holidays, relax; school, study. I awake cocooned in my blanket against the cold with smooth sheets beneath my feet (my favorite feeling) and am groggily aware that someone is preparing my breakfast. I may dread a day in class, i may loathe waking early, but there is never an unknown. I am cared for fully.

To so starkly be placed in this state emotionally, but cognitively understand i’m an adult and bear the onus of life, is shite.

For now though, i’m taking it easy.

Things to work for:

BTT

Productions

ISM research

June 5, 2016
Protected: Bangkok 2016

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Content / Muse

Some art is borne only out of asceticism. The self creates when in want and deprived. Hunger can be inspiration; is the sole route to inspiration. Then to be fatted with content is to be fettered – satisfaction the gleaming oil surface of a lake slowly losing its life beneath.

To make an artist you don’t offer them a paintbrush or a chisel. You take away something essential. The married man writes no love poem until his beloved succumbs to illness; 3 weeks in an empty room and a crazed man would chip out masterpieces with his thumbnail on blank walls.

Art is starvation, desperate strokes making sense of loss, it is there when there is desire for more. Excess is to want art, not create art.

June 2, 2016