Q

I have this weird automatic mental mechanism, that makes me extra nice to people I dislike. Specifically, those who annoy me on either a justified or irrational basis, and whom i’d be encountering again. By nice i mean smiling, thanking, indulging, the works. Or whatever I know they’d take well too.

Case-in-point #1:
Black face dessert store woman near my place. She has gotten my order wrong SO MANY TIMES and is consistently unapologetic. Once she even scolded me for not specifying my order earlier. She is absolutely cheerless and stingy with the liao. But i perversely enjoy being excessively polite to her. Like bowing slightly while getting the change. Or using 不好意思 and 谢谢 a shit ton.

Case-in-point #2:
Someone in class who just has a kiampah face/demeanor. Yes i admittedly am extremely prone to finding others KP without good reason. I remain unapologetic about my strong evolutionary instincts towards charming individuals. Anyway, it follows that i’ll be overtly indulgent to whoever this is. Maybe so much that it seems fake idk i can’t help it. Say i know this KP person enjoys having their ego fed – i’d make lots of references to what they said in discussion, agree, compliment, listen intently, shit as such. It’s not deliberate either.

So what’s going on amirite? I’ve thought of several explanations for my bizarre behavior.

1. Extreme niceness to mask or offset my otherwise repulsion. As a non-confrontational person who also wishes to be liked (even by people i don’t particularly fancy), i’m unwilling to openly dislike someone if it would lead to future conflict. Plausibility: Very, since i’m obviously capable of showing contempt, as any nose-digger on the train who’s been subject to my glares can tell you.
2. As a strange version of the Benjamin Franklin effect, i’m psychologically forcing myself to dislike a person less. By acting nice, i’m essentially creating cognitive dissonance that propels me to like the person so it’ll match my action, thus reducing dissonance. Plausibility: Not very, because how would i benefit from disliking the person any less? Ok so perhaps it makes me a better person – but that’s great for the rest of the world not me. Adaptation screams bullshit.
3. This is an attempt at getting the other person to believe I like them, thus lowering their guard against any hostile acts on my part, also/or so they’d grow to reciprocate my seeming good feelings towards them. And then when they’re all unwitting and vulnerable with their trust in me I’D CRUSH THEM. Plausibility: Diabolical, but probably true.

Watched Mr Holmes with dad today.

My dad is truly amazing. He works hard for us, never complains, is incredibly easy-going and kind. Over the years i’ve gotten hints of it – his students sharing on social media about what a good instructor he is, him being the confidante of troubled friends, his readiness to give to charity – but because he’s my dad it’s difficult to tell if he’s a great guy or just, yknw, being a dad.

Recently our apartment underwent a huge upgrading renovation and the house was an absolute mess after. Dad, who once told me that cleaning was therapeutic for him, took a day off just to clear the overwhelming filth and clutter. He did it all in good cheer.

Older now, i’ve come to know him more as a person than a father. We go out, have long talks like adults, about everything. He never judges, always shows interest, and usually has a wise word for me. If we knew each other in another context, at the same age, we’d definitely make close friends. So lucky to have him. He inspires me to be the best parent to my child in the future.