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  • The Portable Virgin & The Crimson Labyrinth

    This weekend, J and I both made rewarding entertainment choices. He bought Divinity: Original Sin, and promptly shed his worldly self and could only be found gleefully tweaking the stats of his in-game characters. GEEK. I’m no better: started on The Crimson Labyrinth by Yusuke Kishi and COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN. It has been a long time since i found myself willing and able to finish a novel within two sittings. We spent most of the day together but reading/gaming respectively, and it was rather late in the evening before we couldn’t ignore our hunger and wandered out to Nando’s for dinner (before rushing home to continue haha).

    The Crimson Labyrinth was, simply put, an exciting book. It’s somewhat a cross between Battle Royale and Hunger Games, although i loathe to associate a good book with HG. I take it back, besides the broad premise, it is nothing like HG. Fujiki finds himself awake in a strange – almost alien – place, with only a GameBoy giving him vague hints of a game he seems to be in. Eventually he finds other participants, who like him seem unable to recall the immediate events preceding their awakening.

    ImageFrom there, it gets increasingly sinister. What i loved most about the novel is the way it unravels. It may not be brilliant stylistically, but does a neat job dishing out hints – just enough for to thrill, for the reader to feel like the hints were cleverly caught than served. There were also grotesque plot features that shocked enough to be fascinating: cannibalism, the devolution of humanity, all strung together in a stimulating pace.

    It was so exhilarating, in fact, that J read the last parts with me. I must have looked very tense or disturbed, because he paused his game and made me read aloud. A few paragraphs in, he was hooked too. We read the last couple of chapters together. Midway through i was so eager to get ahead of the story i started speed-reading verbally… we ended up just sharing the book haha.

    If you don’t mind a ***spoiler***, what i especially liked about was it’s departure from the ‘dystopian future’ easy route. It made references to very real events in contemporary history i.e. the Japanese economic bubble burst. Although elaborate and almost unfathomable, it appears that the entire ‘game’ was for an extreme snuff film, based on someone’s obsession to bring to life a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure game existing in the market. So, unbelievable but fully plausible.

    A strong plot without a distinctly brilliant style. For one, it’s translated, so i really can’t say for sure. Secondly, it didn’t need too stylistic a narration… it may even have detracted from the simple, clear presentation the plot details required. Either way, it was a direct juxtaposition to the book i read right before it: Anne Enright’s The Portable Virgin.

    Image

    This is an example of postmodern gone awry. Although pretty, it is a hollow glass vase. I was so drawn to its minimalist aesthetics in the first few pages, that i decided to give it a chance despite prior warnings. It’s the literature version of the emperor’s new clothes, you tell yourself that unlike others, you ‘get it’. But there really is nothing to get. I give up.

    The short stories in this collection get exponentially more fragmented and meaningless, and not even in a good way. Its only saving graces are images, striking and sublime. The Portable Virgin was more a viewing gallery in words than literature. It describes casual sex with a baker found at a bar:

    “…(he) sort of dodged in, like I was an alley on the way to school. I didn’t know whether he had come, or a picture had slipped on the wall… True love.”

    June 23, 2014

  • June 2014 Hits & Misses

    Holidays bloat up my recreational activities. Unable to walk for long distances or take jogs this time round, i’ve succumbed to the slothful activities of reading and watching shows and snacking in bed. I haven’t been able to find really good books recently, and my reading list is pitiful relative to last holiday’s. But still. A short run through of this season’s hits and misses, will probably do a more in-depth recommendation later.

    READS

    HIT – Pastoralia by George Saunders

    ImagePastoralia is a compilation of Saunders’ short stories. This is breathtakingly masterful writing. The premise itself is novel: think a displaced time and space where things work differently, but not impossibly so. Pastoralia, the cover story, is set in a museum where humans are made to live the life of people in different eras (protagonist a caveman) for the entertainment/pleasure of others. Simple enough, but Saunders method of unfolding the setting is absolute genius. I love most his relinquishing of explicit telling, and his expert narration of the protagonist’s throughts (it’s almost poetic). Also the irony that always follows behind his stories, sort of like a superior Catherine Lim without the pompous use of language. In fact that’s a better analogy than i thought: most of their stories slant towards social critique.

    I can go on and on about Saunders, but not for this post. I’ll read more of his works before recommending them all at a go. So far i’ve only read Semplica Girl Diaries and Pastoralia. 

    MISS – For the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki

    Image

    This was extremely disappointing because 1) it had rave reviews 2) JAPANESE AUTHOR. I usually love their work! But i guess my benign racist generalization backfired. I didn’t like how self-conscious and self-referential Ozeki was. It was too indulgent and explicit, leaving a squeamish, awkward aftertaste when reading. Ozeki was trying too hard to highlight Japanese elements (i should have seen it coming… Zen Buddhist nun, Hello Kitty lunchbox, Japanese tsunami….)

    I guess what i love about Japanese novels that i love is their embodiment of the Japanese wabi sabi spirit. A distilled, quiet, intense but controlled aesthetics in writing and telling. Ozeki violates this on all fronts. It screams: I AM JAPANESE LOOK AT MY OTAKU HELLO KITTY MAID CAFE ZEN ZEN. Frankly i found it very offensive. This book made me very angry.

    SEMI-MISS – One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

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    Gabriel Garcia Marquez writes LENGTHY novels. Not Harry Potter action-packed lengthy, but ‘i am going to retell decades of their lives’ lengthy. I read Love in the Time of Cholera, and loved it, lengthiness and all. This one stretched my patience by spanning seven generations. I had trouble keeping up with the new people with similar names, which kind of disrupted the flow of reading for me. I only have my own inadequacy to blame here, therefore the semi-miss. To be fair, the first half of the book before the characters started inter-breeding, dying, and spawning, was very captivating – in the typical GGM way.

    I’d say this was still a good book overall, but a challenging one to read.

    EATS:

    HIT – Snickerdoodle Snackimals!!!

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    CINNAMON COOKIE GOODNESS. And the best part??? ORGANIC GLUTEN-FREE SUPER HEALTHY! To be honest i have no idea what gluten-free or organic really means, except that it’s more expensive. But this one does taste much more wholesome (but just as yummy) than other cookies in the market, and they are in tiny bite-sized pieces. This means you don’t get that sick buttery jelat feel and can probably finish the entire (quite huge) pack in a day.

    ALSO THEY COME IN ANIMAL SHAPES. What is there not to love!? Only drawback: VERY ADDICTIVE.

    MISS – Peanut Butter Snackimals

    You’d think no one can screw up PB, but they did. Following the success that was Snickerdoodles, i got a pack of PB. It was flat and crispy, tasting vaguely like salty chips? Eugh. Anyone wants i will give away mine.

    TV:

    HIT – Legend of Zhen Huan / Empresses in the Palace / Zhen Huan Zhuan

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    Started watching this on Kejun’s recommendation. Up to Episode 30 right now, so yes – definitely addicted. This is available HD on YouTube! Yeah okay everyone mocks me for watching something so cheena, but MOCK ALL YOU WANT. It is worth it! The intelligent well-written script in all its superb subtlety and nuances, SO INCREDIBLE. The plot also avoids the pitfalls of predictability just to please the crowd… it portrays human desires and failings very, very truthfully. Usually i shun away from shows where tragedies occur, because my weak heart cannot take it. But this one – you can’t stop. THINGS – BLOODY AND HEART-BREAKING THINGS HAPPEN. BUT IT IS SO GOOD YOU WATCH IT AND TAKE IT – HEARTBREAK AND ALL.

    Songs:

    HIT – STRFCKR’s older albums

    Recently i re-listened to Starfucker’s earlier works in a bout of nostalgia. Introduced it to Justin, who can be quite stingy with his music preferences. He approved of it! So it must be pretty good… not that i didn’t know that already. I’m nostalgic for the all the good earlier works of my favorite bands. Is it bad that i avoid listening to their new pieces, because i’m afraid of disappointment?

    That’s all for now. OH and also i’d be watching Inside Llewyn Davis soon.

    HIT – Inside Llewyn Davis soundtrack

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    Some movies are made pretty good by virtue of their soundtrack. Garden State was one of them. Hopefully Llewyn Davis too. xx

    June 10, 2014

  • short reminder to maternal self

    one of my greatest dreams is to be a mother. pregnancy and childbirth terrifies me, but i do very much want to have a child. the past week has given me more exposure with young kids from one and a half to four, than i’ve ever had. the tiny things make you the happiest

    when a child listens
    when a child surprises you with his/her intelligence
    when they ask you why your ‘trousers are broken’ in reference to ripped jeans
    when they smooth small hands over wounds on your palm from falling that morning and say “boo boo?” with a look of genuine concern
    their huge bellies
    when they can’t help but laugh
    when they snuggle up to you during rest time
    when they run and crash into you for a hug with vigor only a child can have
    when they just stare at you with immense depth of love and wonder
    and when you smile back they tilt their heads and get really shy and smile back awww
    tiny hands that curl into yours
    when they babble to each other seriously
    when they nudge their way into your lap

    it’s only been a week but i can remember most of their names with the 5 classes i’ve helped with. usually i’m helpless with names. things you discover about yourself.

    i’ve also found that i have very little disciplinary instincts, which is a fault. a definite fault. with children i’ve always been indulgent. i spoil them, let them not finish the food they don’t like, clean up after them, let them have their way when they’re being rude… i thought this would change when i actually had to take care of kids, but nope. i remain pandering and weak and unable to yell at them enough to obey. at most i’ll feebly warn them in an unconvincing voice. they know i love them too much to use force and climb all over me for that, haha.

    i’m hopeless. 

    another flaw of mine would be my obsessiveness and worrisome thoughts. i get really paranoid about any of them hurting themselves. even when they are squirming on my lap looking for sayang or cuddles, i can’t not worry about them knocking their heads on the floor or something. my job is tiring mostly because every second i spend watching them climb around the outdoor playground/indoor gym is a second off my life. my heart cannot take all that trauma.

    one kid hit his head on the wooden gym beams but wailed it off within 10 minutes. on the other hand, i spent the night worrying about concussions and internal injuries and possible future consequences and vomiting or trauma etc etc. the amount of time i spent on webmd that day was astounding. 

    yeah i’m gonna be one of those parents.

    lesson of the week: i do love children, and would be fine with wiping butts and dispensing cuddles. but i’d fail when it comes to discipline and i’d get a heart attack every other day.

    June 6, 2014

  • Distil

    A moment still enough that infant roots push into my soles. once someone told me pausing was therapeutic but today i feel only life’s impatience. the air is damp with the death of mangos, which are in season now. it is so bright it hurts. all around me tall trees spell themselves in black light on glittering concrete. dizzying.

    it is summer that reminds you of murder, more than any other time of the year. everything it births is harsh and insidious – and too loud, always too loud. crows dive into sparrows drenched in bowels of yellow mango flesh gilded by the sun in obscene red orange black. it is almost too much.

    May 31, 2014

  • Gee is 21!

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    one of the few i love and respect most in the whole world, who knows me better than anyone else.

    we have spent some SERIOUSLY crazy time together. in secondary school, most of my after-school hours were with you – laughing, crying, talking, scheming, running around being nuts, doing the most insane things, in class… waxing our arm hair with scotch-tape, coming up with code names, showering together in church camp…

    with you i have an entire trove of inside jokes and shared memories that can never be exhausted. there are really no proper words for how much we’ve been through together – the good and the bad. you have such a huge part to play in coloring the parts of myself i love best, i’ll never stop thanking you for that.

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    Gee, you are truly a force to be reckoned with. Even you know this yourself. For all your wilting wit and agitated nosebleeds, you’re one heck of an amazing human being. i’m so proud of you for every thing – not just the tangible achievements (although those are impressive), but most of all for who you are and who you will be. Strong, intense, idiosyncratic, passionate, crazy, and real. G you are the quintessential example of talent meets drive, how rare is that, and holy smokes how potent is that mix!!!

    Love you so incredibly much and would definitely date you if i were gay xoxo!

    THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING AND THANK YOU FOR BEING ALIVE! Happy 21st, Gnoryaaa!!

     

    May 31, 2014

  • Justin’s Talkeritary.

    This is basically my boyfriend every time he plays a game.

    May 26, 2014

  • cars

    in my lifetime we’ve scrapped three cars.

    the first one i have little recollection of. silver, maybe. tinny – all edges and angles. when i was 7 we got a new one. back in those days my parents picked me up after school. i would sit at the bottom of the stairs of our old IJ campus with friends around 5pm. we filled the twenty minutes between home and school with childish entertainment: licking nectar off ixoras, swinging each other by the belts – until the group trickled to a couple. that day i was the only one left. i hadn’t known the new car had arrived. no silver car rolled by.

    this one was a gleaming peacock blue, round and pleasing. my family’s faces revealed by wound-down windows, smiling, excitement that reflected mine. my shoes slapping against the dusty concrete as i dived in to soak in the scent and smoothness of new leather. i dubbed it Dark Blue.

    Dark Blue to me was rushing backwards into a vortex, knees sinking into seats. i spent most rides peering over the back window, waving at cars behind us. cars and faces, always pleasantly surprised, waving back, timid, bemused, eyes lighting up from the dim of after-work fatigue. rides back Dark Blue became my cradle, amniotic and gently rocking – head against window, the curve into our driveway so familiar i knew it was home before opening my eyes.

    in our later years we felt ready for an upgrade. I was too young to understand change as loss. all i knew was that the new one would be champagne gold – partly my choice, and how exciting was that? this time we simply called it ‘car’, because champagne gold was a mouthful (and i was too old for anthropomorphic names [not really, i named my ruler theophilus]).

    champagne gold was a haze of mornings to school. this time the seats were spared scuff marks from my knees, its back window didn’t frame my face throwing greetings at others. this car was the half an hour of reprieve before school started: we tossed aside shoes and rubbed bare soles against the warmth of mats, snuck in that few extra minutes of snooze, sticky-ed our fingers with hastily assembled peanut butter toast breakfasts.

    we had this car for a long time. earlier this year we had it scrapped. mom, who spent the most time with it, sent me a message: “sad to let it go… after many years of driving it”. my reply was that her new ride was more practical, etc etc. i surprised myself with a dearth of sadness.

    perhaps because in recent years i’ve taken fewer rides in the car, or these rides weren’t routine and significant as before. the last time i had been in it, it smells different. that may seem trivial, but i recognize a lot of things by their scents. including people, actually. when they smell incongruent it really throws me off. i think..i’m not sure but i think the car smell i know consists of the combined scent of my family members.

    so i guess in the past couple of years we didn’t really sit in the car together, at least not long enough. not enough for the car to recognize us as a family unit. a few episodes of modern family capture the role of car to family very well.

    in one, claire dunphy couldn’t let go an old beat up car because of past memories they had with it. phil wanted to reenact those memories for her with the kids, but everything failed miserably. it ended with the car rolling off a cliff, phil trying to stall it, holding on to its bonnet – the rest of the family yelled at him to let it go. to let go…they meant the car, but i think also of memories. they stay as just memories, and that’s ok.

     

    May 20, 2014

  • Pain again

    sometimes i wonder about pepero.. about the person who first thought it was good idea to coat a biscuit stick with chocolate with nuts attached. how do we humans keep coming up with things, and why have we not yet reached a saturation point. although i guess it is cumulative. how many years of pocky did it take for us to bring in the nuts? so much contemplation over an almond pepero.

    –

    today i discovered the persistent state of defect my leg is in. the familiar spasm of pain taking root at the nightmare spot, spreading again the way it did the first time round. all i did was walk home instead of taking the bus, and already: this. not good at all. this means my nike lunarflys, which i took outside <5 times, shall sit quietly in my cabinet for more weeks to come. sadface.

    my body has 2 modes. the state of norm is one of restlessness. i loathe immobility, and one of my insane hobbies would be to just walk and walk and walk and you get the point. unless i’m hungry. then i’m inert. i can lie so still, to pee is a horribly dreaded chore. you do not want to be there when i’m hungry. i’m passive and grumpy and whiny when.

    May 14, 2014

  • Again we stupid.

    wpid-img-20140511-wa0001.jpg

    The picture that started it all.

    We forgot that Cat’s presence in Singapore was meant to be kept a secret from Gee (i managed to for weeks until that day. then everything fell apart. sorry.), this photo went on our Whatsapp group chat.

    Thus ensued 15 minutes of us desperately trying to distract Gee by flooding the group with irrelevant chatter.

    It obviously failed.

    Gloria saw, cue typical dramatic Gloria reaction:

    “I BURST INTO YEARS!”

    wpid-photogrid_1399797627236.png

    We were unrelenting. Feigned shock: What!? You mean Cathleen is back? We just photoshopped her in!

    Tried unsuccessfully to pass off actual photos as very well done photoshopped images.

    Why do we always find ourselves in situations like this?

     

    I miss us all together so much…

     

    May 14, 2014

  • note-to-self

    to-do-list this holiday.

    on my blog because public declarations are harder to breach.

    1. find job

    2. volunteer at ccf (+ find more places for part-time volunteering)

    3. help tutor sis for her Os

    4. go out with grandma + attend her concert things

    5. food-hops (clear list of all new food places i wanna try)

    6. start exercising (cardio AT LEAST ONCE a week. need this my immune system is horrific now)

    May 5, 2014

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