Q

42 DC, #2: Save 5 People

2. The world is ending, and you can save one group of five people: who would be the five people that you save?

Oh my god. Why can’t I just be Noah and take two of each kind of people!?

UHHHH I guess it depends on whether this group of 5 would be the ONLY ones (including me) saved in the world, because that determines if I’d be saving them for myself or for the continuity of mankind.

Ok what bullshit, if the world were ending like hell I’d be thinking about continuing mankind lol.

Much as I want to I probably wouldn’t save my grandma or most of my family, because they’re old and I’d rather spare them a few years of agony in a post-apocalyptic world.

I also wouldn’t save most of my Catholic/Christian friends because I think they would want to ascend to heaven when the time comes.

The first person I can think of is Rei-En, because practically she is EXTREMELY useful in such a scenario, given her lack of nehneh-ness and somewhat present survival skills. The main reason, though, is that she would thoroughly enjoy living out an end-of-the-world adventure.

The next two people I would save would be Becky and Gloria, again because I think they are the most resourceful and hardy in an apocalyptic situation. Gloria is there because of her leadership skills, indomitable spirit, and her ability to herd the most difficult of us.

However, I cannot trust Gloria to not eat us if it is inevitable, so Becky – with her enormous moral conscience and also her Taekwondo black-belt skills – will defend us if need be. Becky is also incredibly smart so she definitely value-adds to the team.

Just for balance I’m adding in two of the male species who are a) unlikely to devour us within 48 hours of starvation and b) are possible candidates for procreation. So for practical purposes, Jyuen – Gloria’s boyfriend, and Justin. This is to ensure that if the task of reproducing DOES fall on us, at least we don’t have to do it with complete strangers (EUGH!).

Since Jyuen was an athlete and went through NS, I trust that he would be adequately fit and have some combat skills + he would keep G’s fits in check (this is actually the biggest factor). Justin is armed with – I guess – plethora of geeky apocalyptic/disaster-control/survival knowledge garnered from hours of video games. Also he can go through long hours of starvation, again a skill gained from voracious bouts of gaming.

Ok turns out I am pretty practical after all. Although tbh a lot of this is still based on how reassuring the company would be for me alone without compromising on my survival. If I wanted just companionship and entertainment, THIS LIST WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE. I’d want Gerbil, Cel, Xin, Debbie, Amanda – but I know this could only spell disaster. I’m imagining Celine stopping to marvel at the sunset and Beni getting all pissed off with her, Xin or Debbie being upset that they had to leave all her nice clothes behind, and Amanda being heroic but tripping over something and falling off an abandoned building, etc…

So, I’m sorry guys. The final list consists of Rei, Becky, Gloria and her boyfriend, and Justin. The rest of you dies.

January 3, 2014
Sherlock 3: All You Need to Know

WARNING: SPOILERS.

1. In Sherlock 3, nothing gets resolved.

2. Nothing. Including: HOW DID SHERLOCK NOT DIE. WHAT AND WHY IS THAT THING ON JOHN’S UPPER LIP. HOW DID MARY HAPPEN. Basically all the questions you’ve wanted, you wouldn’t get.

3. Martin Freeman’s anger post-Sherlock’s Lazarus act stole the show tbh. All that raspy growls he keeps making from the conflicting forces of relief/happiness and indignation/hurt + his constant physical assaults of Sherlock – PERFECTLY PORTRAYED. Nice one, Freeman.

4. Mary is likeable. Amanda Abbington skillfully balances sweet with punchy, and managed to develop her character within that little screen time she was given without being too intrusive.

5. Rae from Mad Fat Diary makes a cameo. It’s pretty funny.

6. They catered to fan service and went meta quite a bit which was cute. Like the Moriarty/Sherlock slash and the Molly/Sherlock kiss, both conveniently packed into fan theories within the show. A poke at the insane Tumblr conspiracists.

7. “Everyone’s a critic.” says Sherlock, while dodging a completely honest reveal of How He Did Not Die. Very smart ah BBC. Keeping us in suspense and raising expectations to all time high, then fearing that these expectations couldn’t be met, and thus making meta-references and withholding the plot so no one can actually criticize it. I FEEL CHEATED.

8. Plot-wise, I guess because half the episode had to be shared with the whole AHHH SHERLOCK’S BACK mayhem, it wasn’t as clever or thorough as the previous episodes.

9. I do not understand the Lonely Mycroft hints, although I’m glad they’re inching into more personal territories of his. I’ve always found his character intriguing.

10. SHERLOCK’S PARENTS. John’s reaction just about sums up what everyone feels about this.

January 2, 2014
42 Day Challenge, #1: Would you Convert?
1. Would you convert to a different religion if your fiancé/fiancée was of a different faith?
The short answer is no.

The complete answer requires a more thorough definition of ‘converting’. Does this require just a conversion in name, or the need to believe in a different faith? I would do the former, but not the latter. Not just because I think it’s ridiculous to let an external factor (besides your own beliefs) rule what you believe in, but also that you simply can’t change what you believe in unless it comes from yourself, free from your desire to please another.

I know a lot of people who see common religious beliefs as the fundamental basis of a relationship. I don’t think it is wrong, because it’s all a reflection of the position religion has in your own personal life. Personally, religion is a practice from which you can exercise your beliefs. We have different religions to better fit the shape of our individual beliefs. I think two people of differing religions – say Buddhism and Christianity – as long as their faith are based on very concrete and similar ethics of doing good and loving others, can very well carry out a relationship each practicing their faith in different ways.

In a locally relevant and difficult situation where my fiancé is a muslim, i’d have plenty of reservations about conversion (even if only in name). It would largely depend on how much I love said partner and how much I’m willing to give in exchange for a future with him. The possibility of me converting, given that I do love him very much, is high though. Because I don’t understand a world that prevents you from being together with someone you love just for religion.

That said, there are limits. Islamic beliefs are, to me, generally quite sound. The practices I would have to adhere to: eating halal, not painting my nails, not having alcohol, are small sacrifices I am willing to make for life with a loved one (although I will find it HUGELY DEPRESSING that I can’t have a pet dog). If it were another religion that champions beliefs I cannot conceive of (like power before kindness, or beating children to death, or whatever), I will not compromise even for the sake of love. It would also make me question my fiancé’s person, because anyone who would stay rooted to dodgy beliefs – and even expect me to convert into it – cannot be someone I can trust.

On another note, I am someone who believes in a God but is dating an atheist. We are both pretty open about our hopes that the other would one day be convinced by the other. Surprisingly, we’ve never had even one argument about our opposing beliefs. Debates, yes plenty of them, but always listening to the other and trying to get each other’s pov. Justin likes to call me a fake Christian, because besides my faith in the existence of a loving God, I don’t evangelize or church on a regular basis. I like to think of Justin as broken by hardcore evangelizers, but secretly and innately someone who believes in a higher being. We may both be wrong.

I had once been hard pressed into thinking that the ideal boyfriend would be a Christian one, and that if I settled for anything besides speaks poorly of my faith too. But I am no longer alright with anchoring the ‘goodness’ of my faith onto unyielding constructs by men of faith. Surely God himself understands how nuanced life he has created is. Dating someone who is truly good but atheist cannot be worse than dating someone who is morally questionable but staunchly Christian by name. At the same time, our beliefs are constantly reshaped with wisdom and by influences of those close to us. I truly don’t think what we call ourselves right now religiously should serve as a marker for ‘to-date’ or ‘not-to-date’.

That was quite a digression from the main question, but ultimately my answer would be that IT REALLY DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION. Especially

a) how much i love the person/can see a future with him

b) the fundamental beliefs of that person himself
(they shouldn’t clash with mine, and should ideally be similar)

c) the fundamental teachings of his religion
(they shouldn’t clash with mine or be questionable, they do not need to be identical to my own current practices)
January 2, 2014
THE AMATEUR PHILOSOPHER’S 42 DAY CHALLENGE
An attempt to get back into the groove of writing. I notice that my years often start with these writing challenges. Have I actually completed any of them!?
1. Would you convert to a different religion if your fiancé/fiancée was of a different faith?
2. The world is ending, and you can save one group of five people: who would be the five people that you save?
3. Is happiness a delusion? Is happiness only real when shared? Why or why not?
4. What would the cover of your biography (presumably written by somebody else who never knew you, postmortem) look like?
5. Write about a really good or creative Tumblr URL that you see frequently on your dashboard.
6. If swear words were not things like “shit” and “fuck” what would they be otherwise?
7. Write a very vivid description of what is/would have been your most perfect way to lose your virginity. What is your exact definition of ‘losing your virginity’? Also: will you/would you have liked to save your virginity for marriage? Why or why not?
8. Write a six-word fortune cookie.
9. Why do you think eyebrows exist?
10. If you could only have one contact on your phone, who would it be?
11. Your bucket list is limited to three items.
12. Do you wake up first or do you open your eyes first?
13. Write a love/thank you/appreciation letter to someone you take for granted.
14. What makes you feel infinitely sexy?
15. Make a video and talk about something for two minutes. Anything. And don’t edit out any parts of it.
16. Write a poem you’d stick on a refrigerator.
17. Are you afraid of aging? Why?
18. Describe one time you basically thought you were the shit, when your self-confidence was soaring through the roof. This is meant to be a positive thing.
19. If there was one person you could get drunk with and kiss and then later blame it on alcohol, who would it be?
20. Does perfection exist? If the word perfection did not exist, what word would be in its place? What would perfection mean instead?
21. The next book you see that has over 300 pages, open up to page 136. Find a sentence you like, copy it down, and then write about it.
22. Who makes you laugh the most?
23. What is one thing that you are proud of, that you think lacks praise/lacks appreciation from the people around you? It could be a simple thing; it could be a secret thing.
24. If you could accuse somebody of being fake/a bitch and not suffer any repercussions, who would you accuse, and how would you do it?
25. What is the funniest one-liner Tumblr text post you’ve ever read?
26. Rewrite a verse of lyrics from your favorite song. They have to sound good when you sing it out loud along to tune of the song.
27. If the SATs/grades did not exist, in what way should colleges/teachers evaluate applicants?
28. Do you feel at home in your home? Is home a place for you? A book? A thing? A person? What would you want your home to be?
29. Write your own eulogy.
30. What is something you felt like you deserved or should have belonged to you, but you never got?
31. Do you feel ‘connected to nature’? Do you frequent outside? Do you believe that a connection with the earth we live on is necessary in the first place?
32. Your opinion on oral sex?
33. If one TV show could be real, which one would you want it to be? Which one would screw our world over?
34. How many kinds of love are there?
35. Which word needs to exist (or be used again)?
36. What is the absolute hardest thing about staying alive?
37. What is a book that has been recognized as ‘great literature’ that you dislike? Why?
38. What is one change that you would make/have made to your life that will make/has made it better?
39. Is everything you do for yourself? Can you truly be selfless?
40. Are you the same person you were two and a half years ago?
41. Can you possibly conquer the labyrinth?
42. As a hyper intelligent pan-dimensional being, what is the answer to the ultimate question, the life, the universe and everything? What is the ultimate question?
January 2, 2014
Hello, 2014

Years used to be distinguished from another by school terms. Each one had its own color and intensity – a polychromatic childhood before you find your own shade. Now that semesters are oddly situated around the year, I find it easier to define my own timeline. Life now becomes almost a gradient, a continuum with each year bleeding into the next.

2013, if I were made to assign it a role in my now more substantial quilt of a life, would be one of me settling into a comfortable space amidst changes. While relatively uneventful, I spent my days hoarding small joys I’d one day appreciate in a fullness I cannot quite comprehend yet. I am grateful for the lack of things that would upset me. I become aware of people that stayed and things I’ve let go.

The year started off with loved ones, and ended the same way. I’m also glad to confess that I am happier than I was at its beginning.

The last day of 2014 I spent sick.

At Justin’s place we watched anime into the night while he took great pains to make sure I felt alright, and woke me up just before 12 midnight at my insistence. With me running a fever (thus dozing off a lot) and the meaningful atmosphere of countdown (people outside yelling and fireworks going off), it was strangely like my death scene, which I pointed out and we both agreed on haha.

In a bizarre way, it was a such an appropriate summary of the year. Not spectacularly eventful, but close to a loved one, feeling warm and contented and safe. Woke up feeling much better, which I hope signals a year ahead of better fortunes yet. :-) Every year I feel very optimistic about life, because I’m a clever girl and will always find a way to be happy.

Have a good 2014, everyone! :-)

January 1, 2014
Internet Identity Crisis

I’ve kept this blog since 2006, and it’s always been a jiapalang pastiche of everything. Rants, updates, conversations, reviews, lists, commentaries. Some are lengthy and have quite a bit of thought put into them, others are just silly paragraphs without an actual purpose, the rest can be pretty personal. Its only constancy is its inconsistency.

It has served me well too. Call me a narcissist but i quite enjoy reading my archives and read about my past, whether in reminiscence or appreciation of my own writing (LOL). There has been a sudden resurgence of lifestyle blogging popularity, though, and with it came along a strict demarcation of blog categories. Lifestyle bloggers carve out a niche where pretty photos of food and fashion dominate their pages. Commentaries are left to “political” or at least “serious” bloggers.

I don’t understand this distinction.

What happened to the days where Xiaxue, pre-advertorials galore, posted extensively about anything – from social issues to cleaning out her closet? I want to hear personal thoughts from everyone, things that happen in their lives beyond that of visiting a cafe or purchasing two blouses at a discounted price.

I recently came across a Facebook status scoffing a lifestyle blogger for commenting on the Little India riot. It made me a little sad inside that we are practicing exclusivity. Why are we discouraging the layman from having an opinion about socio-political issues? It doesn’t matter how valid or informed our opinions are, as long as they aren’t offensive. Ignorance is always more pardonable than apathy, imo.

You can scoff, if you are one to, at the opinion offered, but why scoff at another having an opinion and sharing it?

Okay I’m slightly off point here. What I wanted to say is how increasingly displaced I feel in the increasingly segmented internet sphere. I haven’t been posting for awhile because every time I felt like posting something it seemed off. I wanted to photo-blog about Christmas and how I spent it with the best of company, but I didn’t have the fancy photos or the brevity expected of a lifestyle update. I wanted to do some reviews on the books i’ve read so far but where and what does that make me as a blogger. Am i EVEN A BLOGGER? If so, am i allowed to comment on the Little India riot – the way i have commented in my own little inadequate and ignorant way on many political issues since the beginning?

I’ll eventually resolve this crisis and resume blogging at a less constipated frequency i guess, but i still can’t help but feel like the current norms of blogging has crowded out a more haphazard, personal blogging style i love (and love reading from everyone else).

December 29, 2013
Toffee Nut Latte + Jude Young

Christmas is magical.

Even if it’s just hype, I can’t help but feel all fuzzy and warm and happy when it’s near.

This year, Jude Young’s (formerly Yuquan) acapella rendition of All I Want for Christmas reaaaally put me in the mood. Also the way he looks at you when he sings MY HEART CANNOT -fangirls-.

But yeah on a serious note I’m really very proud of him! This cover is almost as magical as Christmas is for me, so I wanted to share it with all of you.

December 21, 2013
moments

1.

it is sometimes surprising that the world continues to be in motion as i read. i wake up to the dawn and refuse to leave my bed. a novel is print on paper but it convinces me i am in there. it is disorientating when you finally pull out – sort of like stirring awake from a dream – and find that it’s 10am: a little more than 3 hours since you were last aware.

currently in the last section of 1q84, which i’ve put off for awhile because i find all the hyped Murakami-s disappointing. this one is excessive in its detail, it moves slowly as life itself. i actually quite enjoy it, especially in long, sinking dosages which i can now afford. i’m speculating that its end would coincide with the arrival of Amy Tan’s Valley of Amazement which i ordered awhile ago.

2.

haven’t really been productive in a non-profitable sense. all that came out of me was a batch of espresso cakes, and that was only to satiate my own wants, hur. that said, it was pretty good for simple baking. i barely used a recipe. just went with leftover baking supplies and went with as much espresso as i dared.

other than that, nope. no sketching no writing, because there is no incentive and sloth compels me to stay in bed on YouTube. technology enables creativity as much as it obstructs it. the great digital paradox.

3.

growing up is not finding happiness but finding out that you had happiness all along.

all i needed was an evening of good weather, good food, and most of all good company. nothing much happened, and that was what made it beautiful.

December 16, 2013
Runs & a Run

I run by two basic principles.

It doesn’t matter where I run, when I last ran, what the weather is like: there are only two constants I need for a good run.

After a whole semester of not running, I resumed during the holidays and found that I could clear a decent distance on my first test run. I don’t usually note my speed or exact distance, but roughly Hougang to AMK (which Google maps tells me is 7k) in ~40 min.

My qualifiers for a good run aren’t distance or speed though. They are the lack of uncomfortable fatigue throughout, the gradual increase in my clarity of thought, and the good burning warmth of my skin by the end of the run.

A good run, by extension, is only possible when I have my two constants: fuel and a driver.

What I mean by driver is that I can’t operate my body running directly. I am a driver who steers and pedals by focussing solely on my breathing – which then drives my limbs to run almost automatically. I can run by moving my limbs, of course, but it’ll be as effortful as manually pushing a car than just driving it.

But yeah all I do is deal with breathing – with the diaphragm, fully, in sync with my body’s need – the running is just a natural product of my breathing. Sometimes I even think of running as something that facilitates this breathing. I often feel breathless because of anemia – like, i’ll be inhaling but i don’t seem to reap oxygen from the process of. Running helps me with this because it comes in tandem with deep and complete breathing.

The next is fuel. I need carbs, pure carbs, in the half hour before I run. Potatoes are the best, bread also works. The few runs I’ve had since semester ended were after two baked, plain potatoes, and they make such difference.

Today morning I woke up to weather that’s good in a way it hasn’t been for awhile. I also felt rather energetic, probably from a hearty home cooked dinner the night before, so i decided to run before breakfast. All i had was some tea and a square of chocolate, and I sped off quite excitedly down to receive the morning breeze and almost-sun.

Planned to do just a circuit to the neighborhood park and back again, but I had quite a nasty shock just a few minutes into the run. My legs felt heavy and I couldn’t get my breathing sequence right. It was definitely the lack of fuel. By the time I reached the park a walk was clearly a better idea.

Mid-walk had me at one of those tai chi practices. It was Sunday so the park was actually peppered with many of these groups. This particular one got me because they were playing shamisen music, which I am extremely partial to (when I was younger a half-Japanese family friend played it in the car when giving me a lift, and I liked it so much I was gifted the audio disc haha). This group was also the most informal: they had no apparent leader, no banner announcing their cause, no fixed attire.

I must’ve been skulking around rather obviously because one of aunties waved me over to join them. Without breaking their flow, they just opened a space to accommodate my presence and took turns to instruct me on what to do, without much fuss.

Tai chi, I know, centers around control, and about the transfer of energy throughout your body. That was all i knew, though. In my limited chinese/some cantonese, I managed to tap for a couple of explanations. One uncle in particular chimed in: “不是用力做动作，是每个动作要有力。” I really liked that. Energy and enthusiasm, no matter how much you give, might not yield much if you expend it haphazardly. Instead, every action should be deliberate, and done as much energy as you can manage.

It was only a fifteen minutes crash course, and I didn’t really master anything fantastic (also weren’t very big on a formalized tai chi exercise routine), but I did learn some pretty neat things. Harvesting energy from inside out, harnessing the energy to where it is appropriate, learning to control the speed and direction of this energy.

Had a pleasantly easy time running the last half of the park and back home again, with my mind sharper than ever. Feeling very zen and cleansed right now.

December 15, 2013
Roads

Almost every time I cross the road alone, or not sufficiently occupied by the company of another, I imagine an alternate universe where I get hit by a vehicle.

In all these scenarios different things can happen. Most of the time it’s fatal, each death has varying effects on the people around me. Sometimes I am injured, other times my thoughts end with an immediate death.

I’m not sure when this started, and am aware but never bothered by it. It is a strange but unobtrusive compulsion – like when you stretch your right knee to even out stretching the left. It’s just something I’ve done over the years without worrying much about.

But now when I look back at all the roads I’ve crossed, I think of all the deaths I’ve littered behind me, all the dead or injured me-s I’ve carelessly conjured and left around the island, all the people I imagined would grieve over me grieving in their respective worlds.

It’s so weird that I have these scattered universes orbiting around the roads i’ve visited. It’s also morbid that in most of them my death is the predominant theme.

Sometimes I even wonder if i am the alternate universe. If I had left my real, dying self behind – spared of this death by entering into a alternate world where i get to live on to be killed by some other way in the future.

it’s always disorientating when i get these brief, surreal moments.

December 2, 2013