Skip to content

Q

  • About
  • Q Writes
  • Q Scribbles
  • Archival

  • Hello, 2014

    Years used to be distinguished from another by school terms. Each one had its own color and intensity – a polychromatic childhood before you find your own shade. Now that semesters are oddly situated around the year, I find it easier to define my own timeline. Life now becomes almost a gradient, a continuum with each year bleeding into the next.

    2013, if I were made to assign it a role in my now more substantial quilt of a life, would be one of me settling into a comfortable space amidst changes. While relatively uneventful, I spent my days hoarding small joys I’d one day appreciate in a fullness I cannot quite comprehend yet. I am grateful for the lack of things that would upset me. I become aware of people that stayed and things I’ve let go.

    The year started off with loved ones, and ended the same way. I’m also glad to confess that I am happier than I was at its beginning.

    The last day of 2014 I spent sick.

    At Justin’s place we watched anime into the night while he took great pains to make sure I felt alright, and woke me up just before 12 midnight at my insistence. With me running a fever (thus dozing off a lot) and the meaningful atmosphere of countdown (people outside yelling and fireworks going off), it was strangely like my death scene, which I pointed out and we both agreed on haha.

    In a bizarre way, it was a such an appropriate summary of the year. Not spectacularly eventful, but close to a loved one, feeling warm and contented and safe. Woke up feeling much better, which I hope signals a year ahead of better fortunes yet. :-) Every year I feel very optimistic about life, because I’m a clever girl and will always find a way to be happy.

    Have a good 2014, everyone! :-)

    January 1, 2014

  • Internet Identity Crisis

    I’ve kept this blog since 2006, and it’s always been a jiapalang pastiche of everything. Rants, updates, conversations, reviews, lists, commentaries. Some are lengthy and have quite a bit of thought put into them, others are just silly paragraphs without an actual purpose, the rest can be pretty personal. Its only constancy is its inconsistency.

    It has served me well too. Call me a narcissist but i quite enjoy reading my archives and read about my past, whether in reminiscence or appreciation of my own writing (LOL). There has been a sudden resurgence of lifestyle blogging popularity, though, and with it came along a strict demarcation of blog categories. Lifestyle bloggers carve out a niche where pretty photos of food and fashion dominate their pages. Commentaries are left to “political” or at least “serious” bloggers.

    I don’t understand this distinction.

    What happened to the days where Xiaxue, pre-advertorials galore, posted extensively about anything – from social issues to cleaning out her closet? I want to hear personal thoughts from everyone, things that happen in their lives beyond that of visiting a cafe or purchasing two blouses at a discounted price. 

    I recently came across a Facebook status scoffing a lifestyle blogger for commenting on the Little India riot. It made me a little sad inside that we are practicing exclusivity. Why are we discouraging the layman from having an opinion about socio-political issues? It doesn’t matter how valid or informed our opinions are, as long as they aren’t offensive. Ignorance is always more pardonable than apathy, imo.

    You can scoff, if you are one to, at the opinion offered, but why scoff at another having an opinion and sharing it?

    Okay I’m slightly off point here. What I wanted to say is how increasingly displaced I feel in the increasingly segmented internet sphere. I haven’t been posting for awhile because every time I felt like posting something it seemed off. I wanted to photo-blog about Christmas and how I spent it with the best of company, but I didn’t have the fancy photos or the brevity expected of a lifestyle update. I wanted to do some reviews on the books i’ve read so far but where and what does that make me as a blogger. Am i EVEN A BLOGGER? If so, am i allowed to comment on the Little India riot – the way i have commented in my own little inadequate and ignorant way on many political issues since the beginning?

    I’ll eventually resolve this crisis and resume blogging at a less constipated frequency i guess, but i still can’t help but feel like the current norms of blogging has crowded out a more haphazard, personal blogging style i love (and love reading from everyone else).

     

    December 29, 2013

  • Toffee Nut Latte + Jude Young

    Christmas is magical.

    Even if it’s just hype, I can’t help but feel all fuzzy and warm and happy when it’s near.

    This year, Jude Young’s (formerly Yuquan) acapella rendition of All I Want for Christmas reaaaally put me in the mood. Also the way he looks at you when he sings MY HEART CANNOT -fangirls-.

    But yeah on a serious note I’m really very proud of him! This cover is almost as magical as Christmas is for me, so I wanted to share it with all of you. 

    December 21, 2013

  • moments

    1.

    it is sometimes surprising that the world continues to be in motion as i read. i wake up to the dawn and refuse to leave my bed. a novel is print on paper but it convinces me i am in there. it is disorientating when you finally pull out – sort of like stirring awake from a dream – and find that it’s 10am: a little more than 3 hours since you were last aware.

    currently in the last section of 1q84, which i’ve put off for awhile because i find all the hyped Murakami-s disappointing. this one is excessive in its detail, it moves slowly as life itself. i actually quite enjoy it, especially in long, sinking dosages which i can now afford. i’m speculating that its end would coincide with the arrival of Amy Tan’s Valley of Amazement which i ordered awhile ago.

    2.

    haven’t really been productive in a non-profitable sense. all that came out of me was a batch of espresso cakes, and that was only to satiate my own wants, hur. that said, it was pretty good for simple baking. i barely used a recipe. just went with leftover baking supplies and went with as much espresso as i dared.

    other than that, nope. no sketching no writing, because there is no incentive and sloth compels me to stay in bed on YouTube. technology enables creativity as much as it obstructs it. the great digital paradox. 

     3.

    growing up is not finding happiness but finding out that you had happiness all along. 

    all i needed was an evening of good weather, good food, and most of all good company. nothing much happened, and that was what made it beautiful.

    December 16, 2013

  • Runs & a Run

    I run by two basic principles.

    It doesn’t matter where I run, when I last ran, what the weather is like: there are only two constants I need for a good run.

    After a whole semester of not running, I resumed during the holidays and found that I could clear a decent distance on my first test run. I don’t usually note my speed or exact distance, but roughly Hougang to AMK (which Google maps tells me is 7k) in ~40 min.

    My qualifiers for a good run aren’t distance or speed though. They are the lack of uncomfortable fatigue throughout, the gradual increase in my clarity of thought, and the good burning warmth of my skin by the end of the run.

    A good run, by extension, is only possible when I have my two constants: fuel and a driver.

    What I mean by driver is that I can’t operate my body running directly. I am a driver who steers and pedals by focussing solely on my breathing – which then drives my limbs to run almost automatically. I can run by moving my limbs, of course, but it’ll be as effortful as manually pushing a car than just driving it.

    But yeah all I do is deal with breathing – with the diaphragm, fully, in sync with my body’s need – the running is just a natural product of my breathing. Sometimes I even think of running as something that facilitates this breathing. I often feel breathless because of anemia – like, i’ll be inhaling but i don’t seem to reap oxygen from the process of. Running helps me with this because it comes in tandem with deep and complete breathing.

    The next is fuel. I need carbs, pure carbs, in the half hour before I run. Potatoes are the best, bread also works. The few runs I’ve had since semester ended were after two baked, plain potatoes, and they make such difference.

    Today morning I woke up to weather that’s good in a way it hasn’t been for awhile. I also felt rather energetic, probably from a hearty home cooked dinner the night before, so i decided to run before breakfast. All i had was some tea and a square of chocolate, and I sped off quite excitedly down to receive the morning breeze and almost-sun.

    Planned to do just a circuit to the neighborhood park and back again, but I had quite a nasty shock just a few minutes into the run. My legs felt heavy and I couldn’t get my breathing sequence right. It was definitely the lack of fuel. By the time I reached the park a walk was clearly a better idea.

    Mid-walk had me at one of those tai chi practices. It was Sunday so the park was actually peppered with many of these groups. This particular one got me because they were playing shamisen music, which I am extremely partial to (when I was younger a half-Japanese family friend played it in the car when giving me a lift, and I liked it so much I was gifted the audio disc haha). This group was also the most informal: they had no apparent leader, no banner announcing their cause, no fixed attire.

    I must’ve been skulking around rather obviously because one of aunties waved me over to join them. Without breaking their flow, they just opened a space to accommodate my presence and took turns to instruct me on what to do, without much fuss.

    Tai chi, I know, centers around control, and about the transfer of energy throughout your body. That was all i knew, though. In my limited chinese/some cantonese, I managed to tap for a couple of explanations. One uncle in particular chimed in: “不是用力做动作,是每个动作要有力。” I really liked that. Energy and enthusiasm, no matter how much you give, might not yield much if you expend it haphazardly. Instead, every action should be deliberate, and done as much energy as you can manage.

    It was only a fifteen minutes crash course, and I didn’t really master anything fantastic (also weren’t very big on a formalized tai chi exercise routine), but I did learn some pretty neat things. Harvesting energy from inside out, harnessing the energy to where it is appropriate, learning to control the speed and direction of this energy.

    Had a pleasantly easy time running the last half of the park and back home again, with my mind sharper than ever. Feeling very zen and cleansed right now.

    December 15, 2013

  • Roads

    Almost every time I cross the road alone, or not sufficiently occupied by the company of another, I imagine an alternate universe where I get hit by a vehicle.

    In all these scenarios different things can happen. Most of the time it’s fatal, each death has varying effects on the people around me. Sometimes I am injured, other times my thoughts end with an immediate death.

    I’m not sure when this started, and am aware but never bothered by it. It is a strange but unobtrusive compulsion – like when you stretch your right knee to even out stretching the left. It’s just something I’ve done over the years without worrying much about.

    But now when I look back at all the roads I’ve crossed, I think of all the deaths I’ve littered behind me, all the dead or injured me-s I’ve carelessly conjured and left around the island, all the people I imagined would grieve over me grieving in their respective worlds.

    It’s so weird that I have these scattered universes orbiting around the roads i’ve visited. It’s also morbid that in most of them my death is the predominant theme.

    Sometimes I even wonder if i am the alternate universe. If I had left my real, dying self behind – spared of this death by entering into a alternate world where i get to live on to be killed by some other way in the future.

    it’s always disorientating when i get these brief, surreal moments.

    December 2, 2013

  • Give Thanks 2013

    This year, I’m grateful for many, many things. :-)

    image

    My OG, Rhordonna, made up of really the people i’d most want to be with for the rest of my University life. I entered Uni with no expectations of making any very close friends, because I figured most of them are the ones I already have. Not sure why I got so lucky, but somehow everyone in my OG turned out to be lovely – people i’d have loved to know as friends even without the context of uni camps. Truly feel very VERY blessed, with small things like sporadic study sessions, meals, and outings with them. It’s amazing how I can count on you guys not only for a fun time but also for personal/school-related problems. THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH :’-) 真的很幸运和你们有缘份。这么老了还能遇到好朋友!

    image

    For the people who make an effort to be in my life even when miles and miles away. I miss you guys, but am always thankful that we are still the best of friends – despite the distance, despite the time zone. For always (unintentionally) making my day that much better with all your silly antics and general nonsense. Love you guys always, and thankful for the fact that we somehow ended up part of each other’s lives.

    image

    One of the things I am MOST grateful for this year, though I probably didn’t show it enough: brief but meaningful reunions with faraway friends. While it’ll be great to have more time to spend with these favorite people of mine, but there’s beauty in its brevity too! Makes it that much more precious and appreciated. Only thing we are missing here are the rest of the faraway mugs! Xin, Cath, come back to me!

    Giving thanks for new friends made this semester! UAR2207 invades Yogyakarta! Without this trip I would’ve liked you guys, from the fun we have in class – but this trip made me love all of you!!! Seriously I cannot think of a better bunch to go with! All lovers of the zen, idyllic lifestyle, but also ready for intense shopping + food raids! Loved the crazy evenings we spent laughing over everything, and that I got to share the beauty of Wayang and Yogya with you guys. Really, really amazing companions who made the trip extra special for me.

    Besides new friends, I’m so, so glad for the meet ups with old friends. Friends who’ve been there since we were still young and stupid (we still kinda are that – just not so young anymore). So glad that you guys, despite army and school, still make an effort to catch up! These reunions keep me going. Also makes me super happy to see my friends doing well where ever they are, and how much they’ve accomplished! AND HAPPY ORD FRIENDS! image

    Thank you for keeping me young at heart, for reminding me that the happiness we had as kids don’t need to be loss, that we can easily go back to those times when we meet each other! Love <3

    Photo credits: Jessica
    And also to friends who’ve grown so much, and made me so proud with their various achievements! 10A16 and our support for each other during one of the most stressful periods of my life, I’ll never forget you guys: all the intense happiness/ laughter/ stress/ drama we’ve gone through together. Like I’ve said before, I might not have been very happy with being in HC, but HONESTLY on hindsight I think A16 was HC’s redeeming factor. If I had to do it all over again I’d come back just for you guys.

    Thankful for simple joys under the sun with some of my favorite girls!

     

    image

    And to my oldest, closest, bestest, and dearest. I know you guys will always be there for me, and I’m so thankful for that, every single day of my life. 

    And of course, I’d always (no matter how things turn out), be thankful for J. For making me a better person, for teaching me how to love myself and others. Love you and thank you for everything and for being in my life!

    Also very grateful for my parents, who each in their own way try their best to make me as happy as possible, and their willingness to go through great inconveniences just so I can be comfortable. And my grandma for her unconditional love for me that no one can match, ever.

    And lastly to myself for keeping a very positive outlook on life this semester! Very zen, no stress, focussed on learning and enjoying learning. Appreciated all the little joys here and there, and spent time with people I like very much!

    THANK YOU 2013!!! :-)

    December 1, 2013

  • HOLIDREAMING.

    I have not even taken my first paper and here I am day-dreaming about the holidays.

    Really, Qing.

    Things I cannot wait to do:

    Get Pokemon. Play Pokemon.

    Eat a lot of really good food every where. All day. Everyday.

    Spend time just rotting at home in my favorite corner between my bed and the wall next to the window cushioned by a million pillows.

    Go. Shopping. In. Town.

    MEET EVERYONE, HI.

    Read everything on my growing list of to-reads, starting with Amy Tan’s newest!

    Start crafting actual poems from the half-lines I’ve been scattering all over the place (phone note pad, random word docs, notes, post-its).

    Watch movies AS IN IN AN ACTUAL MOVIE THEATRE which I have not done for a long, long, long time.

    Swim and bask in the sun.

    Re-watch all my favorite series/movies. (Kokuhaku, Sherlock, Criminal Minds ahhhh)

    Start jogging again!!!

    BAKE! I wanna try all kinds of fun new recipes also I can’t wait to EAT MY OWN BAKED GOODS LOL.

    Go out with my grandpopo. <3

    Things to look forward to:

    CHRISTMAS SONGS & TWINKLY LIGHTS & WARM APPLE PIES

    MY BIRTHDAY (ok not really. so depressing to be old)

    FRIENDS COMING HOME

    CHINESE NEW YEAR ANG POW & PINEAPPLE TARTS

    I AM SO. EXCITED. FINALS? WHAT FINALS.

     

    November 26, 2013

  • UNDERRATED.

    November 25, 2013

  • Thoughts on Anonymous

    5th November went by, as I predicted, without much fuss. We paid our GSTs, jostled for space in the MRT, met our deadlines. We scrolled our smartphones for news and were mildly amused by the sporadic net hacks by Anonymous. We tweet sardonic responses – whether in support or annoyance, and we went back to our lives.

    This was pretty much what I expected, because I don’t believe think anyone – even those in support of their cause – believed Anonymous to be the revolutionary leaders they were looking for. And why was that? Because there is a difference between what you are fighting for, and how you are fighting for it.

    Anonymous’ fundamental mistake lies in their organizational action. Given that they aren’t even a coherent organization to begin with makes this inevitable. They burst into the scene with arguable impact, but the follow up revealed a poorly planned (if at all) course of action.

    My greatest problem with them:

    Their execution mirrored exactly what they were against.

    Their trivial attacks began with the whole ‘Straits Times distorts message’ issue, with a journalist singled out and threatened. The aggression, I felt, was uncalled for. But their intention for attack was somewhat justifiable. They were after all fighting for reporting that does not furthered the government’s agenda (I won’t label this as objective journalism cause I don’t think complete objectivity is possible).

    Personally though, I feel that an attack on the Singapore government is an attack on Singapore. It was merely semantics they were playing with. They were posturing the government as distinct and even oppositional to the country at large, when this is not the case. Even if there exists discontentment towards the government, they are what currently holds our infrastructure together.

    More concretely, we take the threat they made to cost the government financial loss by “aggressive cyber invasion”. If you’ve had any 101 on Econs, a loss to the government directly impacts us. In fact, any form of attack on the government becomes an attack on us because state and sovereign are inextricably linked. Then again, for a citizen who already views him/herself as wholly at odds with the government, this might not be the case. So alright, I’ll give it to Anonymous that the attack could be justified.

    But that aside, I have serious issues with the attack on Ridhwan Azman.

    Of course, because Anonymous is a disparate (?)organization(?)/group, this might not be representative of the Messiah/group as an entity.

    Of course, their petty choice of attack may also be due to technical constraints or incapability to infiltrate into wider, more important networks.

    Of course, Azman appears to be an ignorant wife-beater, which is Not Okay anywhere, anytime.

    But that doesn’t mean what Anonymous did was right.

    The justifications they gave was that Azman has been “dissing the legion” and claimed that they were a joke. Regardless of the veracity of his statements, Azman is entitled to his own opinion. How is Anonymous taking offense to negative remarks against it ANY DIFFERENT AT ALL from the government taking offense to a citizens’ dissent?

    Some may argue that they were not attacking Azman in particular, but symbolically reminding all that they are serious – that they have the ability to put those against them in place, that they are not to be messed with. Does that not sound UNCOMFORTABLY familiar?

    Regulation in our country operates largely on an automatic basis. We internalize a fear of prosecution – generated from the few instances where explicit legal action has actually been taken – and self-censor. How many of us even know what exactly constitutes as illegal content? We just tread carefully around imagined OB markers.

    My point is, Anonymous clamping down on dissent against them serves this very purpose. With an example of someone ‘dissing’ Anonymous being hacked, do we not become more cautious when criticizing Anonymous online? Relative to legal prosecution, where the justice system still provides (to some extent, no matter what many argue) protection for non-malicious statements based on some truth, there is no way to prevent persecution by the Anonymous, or predict the way they persecute you. It can go beyond hacking your social media accounts to infiltration of confidential or financial data.

    The fear is there. Anonymous attempted to replace the regulatory framework installed by the PAP with their own, equally restrictive one. What Anonymous did was to posture themselves as an opposite camp, as powerful as the regime, and force us to choose sides.

    Personally, they appear as patronizing as the government.

    A main complaint against the government is that they suffer from self-righteousness, thinking they know what’s ‘best for us’, and implementing regulations accordingly. Anonymous, by independently formulating their political agenda before calling for support (and threatening persecution of those who challenge them), reflect the exact paternalistic attitude they swear to loathe. What makes them think that all of us are ready to trade complete freedom of speech for financial stability? Perhaps many of us do, of course, but it shouldn’t be pre-assumed.

    There is nothing revolutionary about them, they are just fighting lightning with lightning.

    Why they seem ‘revolutionary’ to some is because they are new, and positioned themselves against a recognized antagonist. But with closer examination, their framework eerily parallels the regimes’. Okay firstly I need to qualify that I don’t think either party is evil or malicious. In fact, both have good intentions. What I’m trying to say is, what goes against what you go against does not always = you support. It’s not as formulaic as that.

    I’m not saying that the government is perfect, or that such opposition isn’t needed. There are problematic issues with regulation that definitely needs reforming. Mainly, the vague regulatory markers we operate within severely restricts the political space citizens dare venture into. Also, there’s a lack of trust given to citizens. Yes – idiots are aplenty, so explicit rules against what should intuitively not be said (e.g. racial slurs) are spelt out. But we need to be given credit for being a lot more self-aware than we are thought to be. Even if we aren’t, we need to make those mistakes to learn for ourselves.

    Another issue lies in ourselves. A good majority of us appear politically apathetic. The ‘battle’ between Anonymous and the government was a source of entertainment, and rather frivolous remarks were made about them, few politically relevant. Admittedly, I do quite enjoy those comments: “Eh hack into uni account and help my bell curve leh”, etc. But it reflects the state of political (un-)interest within citizens.

    Interest aside, there is also the issue of knowledge. We need better contextual knowledge politically, and to consolidate our stances according to what we know. Chances are you may be a huge supporter of Anonymous without considering their methods, what exactly are the legislations they fight against, or what you desire for a political outcome. Choosing stances with only vague political ideas yourself isn’t a crime, but ideally we should have a good think-through before we choose either sides or none at all.

    Life is nuanced. Politics is life multiplied by the # of people involved, which makes it a complicated little weasel. Anonymous’ motivations were understandable, maybe even noble. But for real – and positive – change to take place, we need more than a single leader herding us in his/her desired direction. We need a generation shaped by individuals who know enough, who know what they want, and who know how to do it without trampling on the principles that underlie their motivations.

    November 11, 2013

Previous Page Next Page

Archive
  • May 2026
  • March 2026
  • January 2026
  • November 2025
  • October 2025
  • September 2025
  • August 2025
  • June 2025
  • May 2025
  • April 2025
  • February 2025
  • January 2025
  • November 2024
  • October 2024
  • September 2024
  • August 2024
  • June 2024
  • April 2024
  • July 2023
  • February 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • January 2022
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • April 2021
  • November 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • May 2020
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • February 2019
  • November 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • March 2018
  • November 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010
  • August 2010
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • May 2010
  • April 2010
  • December 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • May 2009
  • April 2009
  • October 2008
  • June 2008
  • May 2008
  • March 2008
  • February 2008
  • January 2008
  • December 2007
  • November 2007
  • October 2007
  • July 2007
  • April 2007
  • January 2007
  • November 2006
  • October 2006
  • July 2006
  • June 2006
  • March 2006

Blog at WordPress.com.

  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Q
    • Join 116 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Q
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar