It’s 2012!
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Resolutions v.2012 (I intend to keep)
Intended to do a post running through my resolutions for 2011, and if I’ve kept them. But archives tell me that I ‘kept private’ most of them, except for one: be nice to people and babies.
Well ok, besides the occasional urge to eat them up (affectionately of course), I’m mostly (and freakishly) nice to babies. About the people.. I haven’t killed any so yay.
ALRIGHT, SO. Resolutions du 2012
1.
Be nice to all people – even the annoying, the fat, the ignorant, those oblivious to proper usage of grammar, and of course babies.
2.
FIND A JOB. so i can fund my increasingly unsustainable lifestyle without feeling guilty.
3.
Volunteer. With kids or dogs. Maybe old folks.
4.
Wean off the Mugs. Because we spend virtually all our time together, and because next year everyone will be busy or overseas. Our separation will either be sudden and frightful, or – if we work on being independent – exciting.
5.
A-Z food trail.
I’ve done Apple Pie a la mode, courtesy of Geegee. Next, B. Any suggestions?
6.
WRITE. please. this needs to be done. Okay and read, though that I’ve been doing. Basically to strengthen them neuron networks while I still have the time and energy.
ALSO to start reading up on science so I can be awesome and all-rounded.
7.
Stop trying to get a tan.
I’m always between OKAY LET’S GET A TAN AND LOOK LIKE A MALIBU BEACH BABE, or OMGATZ I’M NOT THE CAST OF JERSEY SHORE IMMA GET SKIN CANCER. So after some intense tanning early this year, I discovered I’ve developed a whole score of fresh moles on my arm. Celine says that’s dangerous – then again she’s hypochondriac.
ANYWAYS, my natural shade is pretty light so let’s just keep it at that instead of messing around with color.
8.
Grow my bangs out. Because I’m not 5-years-old anymore (after about 13 years stuck at that age, yeah). Although I stand by my belief that bangs are adorable on me kthnx.
9.
REGULATE MY BOWELS.
10.
I’ll come back with a good one.
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White ghosts.
Hi guys.
3:08AM in the morning/dead night.
Rehearsals tomorrow at 10am. Yeah I’m crazy and also heavily insomniac. Considering I’ll be up the whole of tomorrow night, I’m pretty much screwed. So right now I’m playing online Reversi with Daphne, whom I suspect just chugs down so much sugar she doesn’t need rest to function.
So it happened like this.
After a day of wandering around and getting stuck on the North-South line, went to support JR for her church event where she sang smack in the middle of Orchard Rd. I got home really hungry so I found a bunch of GOLDEN OREOS.
Which are seriously addictive.
And ate a bunch of them. Moral of the story: I tried to sleep and everything up there’s just crazy. It’s impossible to sleep. So I have given up on sleep. Something I have not done before. Hopefully after rehearsals tomorrow I’ll get to crash for a few hours before going out again.
It’s fine though.
As were amazing in that EVERYTHING after just becomes bright and beautiful and nothing much can bring me down. Stuck in the rain -> Oh well at least i’m not stuck at home studying. Can’t sleep -> It’s k no exams tomorrow. MRT breakdown -> Let’s just chill I have much youth and time.
Yeah okay and Daphne just owned me at Reversi.
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Supdate.
I know I have not been updating for AGES and AGES. Usually that means I have a life.
Although I’d like nothing more than just mooch around the house, really. Oh I HAVE been very into reading and watching crime related stuff though. It does nothing much but bring lots of paranoia and induced trauma into my life. Also I keep reading other’s body language and speech and/or profiling them unnecessarily.
That aside, PROM.
With the girls~
And then there was Post-prom where all the repressed communists came to life. I’m kidding but not really.
OH YES GUYS. I’M LOOKING FOR A JOB. Preferably something that pays reasonably well LOL. I am young and strong, I fear not dogs or cats (and I like wild animals), I can carry plates but whether food on it will remain after contact with me not guaranteed, I can speak fluent English (sometimes hindered by braces) and about half-sentences of Mandarin. I can teach anything except sciences, also not afraid to make lots of noise in public. Ideally you can make me a food-taster with about 2,000 per month?
But anything else is fine – TELL ME IF Y’ALL GOT LOBANG PLSKTHNX. Because if I continue to eat at this rate and variety, I need extra moolah.
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FAYNAHLEE
LIKE ALWAYS,
all the activities I engaged in while procrastinating became boring once As were over. Funny how I’d be desperate to finish a book (and usually will within a five hour study break.. if you can call it one..) during the period of As, but right now can only finish ONE novel in like, two weeks.
Right so I’ve been reading:
1)
as per Zephyr’s recommendation. Have been craving crime for ages (fueled by Castle, the Mentalist, and John Douglas) and Natsuo Kirino is apparently really good. Like all other books I’ve read written by Asian authors, it didn’t disappoint. I loved the extremely biased and personalized angles for the different characters – you can never know who’s telling the truth. Every character is flawed, twisted, and beautiful because of that. It deals a lot about aesthetics and (i guess) controversial stuff including incest, prostitution, bla. but honestly when you read the novel those aren’t the things that jump up at you. it’s really mostly about human failings. nothing is resolved in the end, though. you just get to know how everyone screwed up. it’s good.
Not much about crime, though. If you know any good crime titles PLEASE RECOMMEND. Maybe of the Agatha Christie/Sidney Sheldon variety? Actually, whatever, I’m a very non-discriminatory reader.
2) http://cracked.com. I love lists. I love lists. I LOVE LISTS.
3) Alright like I said I’ve only read that one book so far. :-( Am somewhat into Kiran Desai’s Inheritance of Loss.. but I keep getting bored, distracted or sleepy. NOT that it isn’t a promising novel. Next I’ll do Neil Gaiman and William Golding like a true book whore yes I promise.
And I’ve been watching:
1) You’re the Apple of my Eye.
Guy is cute. Ass is cute. Girl is ANNOYING. Yeah I know most guys are in love with her, but I have no idea why. Girl has got stick up her ass. Dude, who gets pissed over their boyfriend FIGHTING? FIGHTING. IS. AWESOME. It’s a badass sport that MAKES men. Every man must fight at least once in their lives or they aren’t men. You don’t cry and fuss and make your man run in the rain because you decide to spontaneously condemn what natural and, oh did I mention, AWESOME? ALSO HE HAS A CUTE ASS (BARE). YOUR LOSS.
But still, GREAT movie. Consistently hilarious and has a kind of irreverence that brings back a strange nostalgia. Will watch again for cute guy ass parts. I was laughing so hard I cried where the cute ass guy kissed the groom. Cel and Gee cried when they watched too, but for very different reasons.
2) STUDIO GHIBLI MARATHON at Becky’s.
Because Studio Ghibli makes only the most magical of films, like. Watched Nausicaa. I don’t know how, but Ghibli makes a bunch of huge city-devouring bugs and warships incredibly interesting. I feel like I know a greater part of the universe every time I finish a Studio Ghibli movie. So after that everyone wanted to watch Spirited Away which we’ve watched a gabazillionmillion times, so I pulled some votes for Grave of the Fireflies WHICH WAS SAD AS ALWAYS. ALWAYS. I LOVE THAT FILM. Yeah, actually that was all we watched HAHAHA.
OH and Date Night the morning after WHICH WAS SURPRISINGLY GOOD? I mean – Steve Carell and Tina Fey? Not a fan of either, but together they’re funny in a retarded way. Or maybe it’s the tight plot.
3) Rewatched: Easy A, Confessions, The Incredibles. THE THREE MOVIES I NEVER EVER SEEM TO GET TIRED OF EVEN AFTER REPEATED VIEWS. Especially The Incredibles. It’s amazing how many times I’ve watched it and still feel excited when it comes on TV. And that is when I have the DVD.
4) Watched half of Se7en. Because Rotten Tomatoes promised me it’s a good show. But I was NOT prepared for the gore, I repeat NOT. All the dead fats and spewing guts and blood and Brad Pitts, so I went on to else-things.
5) SUCH AS WATCHING MAURY’S. Which I spent the afternoon today doing. HAHA. HAHAHA. Please guys. You have to watch
TOP 10 SLUTS ON MAURY’S
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cz-wX2RiIc
AND. Top 10 Best Maury Moments 2009 (or any other year, really)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dP-JbmDMfk
6) Starting Castle over from Season 1. Finished all HIMYM, Big Bang Theory, My Little Pony and New Girl episodes – so now I’m just wasting away in a fetid circle of waity waitingness by my computer for the new ones. I’m such a loser.
So besides all that I’ve been living in the outdoors too, PEOPLE:
1) OK MAYBE NOT since I’m concurrently playing Pokemon Yellow, Sapphire, FireRed and SoulSilver. SOME HEAVY NERD-TASKING HERE, NO?
2) SLEEPOVERS -> at Xin’s and Becky’s has led us to the conclusion that we are the most ourselves and have the most fun when without undergarments. OK BUT THAT ASIDE, really. I think those moments of rolling around, giggling over nothing and everything, just chilling and pigging out, trolling each other, being at total ease – are what I’ve been looking forward to in the half a year preparing for As. happiness is just that simple.
3) SHOPPIN’. So far physical shopping has yielded little except a blouse and a dress. Ordered my prom dress online but it’s not shipped over yet ANGST.
4) BAKING~~~ at Vanessa’s where we watched hilarious videos on her bed, lolled around, and BAKED plastic-fumed brownies with gay icing. One of the best ways to start out post-As, really. OH and the gooey brownies were (y)
5) SPEAKING OF BAKING. I’VE BEEN EATING. SO. MUCH.
During As I might have forgotten to pig out as much as I do usually (especially with braces). Now with time and companionship, I’ve been travelling the island for FOOD. Also I think my parents think I’ve been starving myself so they’ve been subtly stuffing me up with ice-cream and pizza and fat kid food. WHICH I LOVE.
6) Had a productive meeting with the Pedestrian Productions group. Ok will keep you guys updated on that soon a’ight.
I PROMISE I’LL DO LOTS OF AMAZING THINGS SOON, THINK AMAZING THOUGHTS AND COME BACK HERE AYE-K?
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Strange starts young.
Talking to Celine triggered off memories of my childhood. I realize I’ve been strange and somewhat of a genius from a young age.
So now Math is over (taking my life away with it) as is International History, for stress/exhuastion relieving purposes, I’ll indulge a little by giving you a Bildungsroman you’re probably are not interested in anyway. Too late you’re trapped my words are holding a strange power over you. Read on.
Alright to begin you need a little context. I attended Rosyth Childcare in my earlier years – a relatively advanced nursery, slightly old in a posh way. What hasn’t changed is that I was cute back then. What has is that I was a lot, a lot less scary.
In fact I was the most harmless little creature you would ever come across. Pigtails and bangs and a stubborn habit of tip-toeing. Oh right, and I was VERY. VERY QUIET. Most teachers loved me because I was a silent but obedient little spazz, and also I was perpetually scared of everything which they probably found sadistically adorable.
Although it might also have been after that time my mom forced me into a BRIGHT PINK, HALF POLKA-DOTTED HALF STRIPED STRING BIKINI for swim class. It amused my teacher so much she made me parade around to show EVERY. SINGLE. CLASS. Like, literally we went outside each class and she’s laughs maniacally and says LOOK LOOK AT MY SKANKY LITTLE CHILD. This fully explains my exhibitionist tendencies now. DO NOT MAKE YOUR FIVE YEAR OLD WALK AROUND IN A STRING BIKINI. IT IS A GIVEN THAT SHE WOULD BE SCARRED, OR AT LEAST CATCH A COLD. That aside.
I was so harmless, in fact, that I became the target of bullying by this girl – whom forever I will not forget (and I mean seriously, I told myself explicitly always to remember her so when I’m grown-up and awesome I can laugh at her hundred pound weight gain and degeneration). So anyway, this girl’s name was – is – CASSANDRA. For a visual stimulant, picture an exceptionally nasty looking bulldog with a bob haircut. Yeah, you got it. That’s Cassandra.
When behind her in the morning assembly line doing the daily Macarena routine, she turned around and said in a bitchy way as a little bitch like her would: (THIS WAS MY FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH A BITCHY TONE K) Can you STOP blowing on my hair? I wasn’t. I was breathing.
SHE WANTED ME TO STOP BREATHING.
I have no idea why that one incident stuck with me, but she bullied me for the longest time possible (which I think meant about a couple of months). My mom had to come to school and point an umbrella menacingly at her to make her quit it. She didn’t.
Alright so you have to remember that I was a child with an extremely, extremely fertile imagination. It was also incredibly easy to reconcile fantasy with reality back then. The thing was I had TEN imaginary siblings (oh yeah I was sisterless back then), each having unique personalities and with whom I have vivid interaction with – ok in my fantasy but still. Whenever I got bullied by Bulldog Cassandra, I’ll be in the toilet after that telling my imaginary friends about it and pretending they can somehow right things or at least exact revenge.
YEAH OK? I WAS WEIRD.
Then my mom decided to transfer me to PAP for kindergarten, because it was convenient and Rosyth was out of the way (or maybe they heard me talking to self in the toilet one too many times and booted me out on grounds of insanity). I’m not sure how lucid five year old thoughts actually are, but mine were pretty damn articulate. I had lengthy internal monologues about how I’m to make sure I never, EVER get bullied again (and that I’d be the bully if I had to), and how I’ll entrench my dominance first straight and RULE THE ENTIRE PLACE. I know right.
Funny thing was, it worked. Partly it was because Rosyth prepared me well academically. But mainly because I was precocious and even as a kid my genius bits couldn’t help but surface. That was probably what I’d call the volta of my life, the social awakening, the maturation, my emergence from the crysalis. It was as if I suddenly understood the mechanisms of human relation and hierarchy, and also slowly recognized that I was different and special and intelligent and probably ten times better than most of the other dumb kids and a million of Dogface Cassandra.
It was pretty scary, but it was like I knew all the tricks to manipulating all the kids around me. I knew what to say or act to make them feel guilty or give in to what I wanted – and I mean I did all these consciously. Like, I KNEW doing that would make her worry or scared and I’d exploit all these nuances I gleaned to achieve my own ends. I know, I know. So through all my arm-twisting I broke the rules and allowed myself to be Lala in the Teletubbies Game even though the Club rules explicitly stated that I couldn’t be the Oldest Sister in Family Game if I were Lala.
Oh and also I used homework answers (mine were always right) as bribes for favors. Such as exchanging lunch break duty days so I get extra curry puffs (they were great) and skipped green bean soup (they were not).
Basically, throughout kindergarten I was a tyrant. Except no one knew because I did it in such subtle and implicit ways they just thought it was an obligation to make me happy.
Besides being adept at social manipulation I was also revolutionary. Currently I’m pretty intolerant of feminists because they’re usually PMSing, bra-burning, unreasonable women with shriek-y voices and un-shaved armpits, but back then I went through a phase where I was like WHY SHOULD I WEAR SKIRTS? WHY MUST I? I WANT TO WEAR PANTS LIKE BOYS ALL THE TIME. So I straight out refused to wear skirts. For about three years actually. Except for school. But I’m digressing.
After the first year, everyone pretty much got used to the idea that I’m their intellectual and emotional superior (I was), so I could relax all my scary child tac-tics. It was throughout that year that in addition to my discovery of how freaking easy it is to manipulate people, I decided that my X-Men powers of mind control can be used to serve different purposes – to be a total boss and work magic on everyone shamelessly so you’ll always have your way, or to use it for the good and only for the good of people you love.
The path I chose is obvious. RIGHT? I mean I’m totally peace-loving and benign right now.
Yeah. Mostly it was because of friends. I found friends I didn’t need to manipulate to be happy around, both in primary and secondary school. It was borne out of the need for protection and defense (from Dogface Cassandra), but I quickly found out I didn’t need it because a large majority of my circle are of people who are just NICE. I haven’t exercised my powers to gain personal benefits since, and I don’t think I can/know how. Also, right now I have no idea what point I’ve been trying to make all along.
I started because I thought some bits here and there were bound to make you think I’m freakier than I already am, which made for an excellent update post. But now I’m just revealing how much of a genius/altruistic person I am – which most people already know anyway.
Hm.
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tbh.
Yes, it’s true.
I like girls.
edit: tbh meaning tryna be humorous because I WUZ KIDDING and also because blog hits doubled since i left i think most of you are silently speculating about me now.
at first it was amusing when i went around asking people ‘would you believe if i told you i were gay?’ in my most serious voice and mostly without hesitation or surprise people accepted it.
it’s both heartening, slightly amusing, and now mildly worrying.
so ok NO. this is just another one of my social experiments. GLORIA you should stop getting me excited over retarded ideas knowing full well it’ll lead to social awkwardness just because ‘it was funnayyye’.
KTHNX EVERYONE I AM GOING OFF TO DROOL AT ORLANDO BLOOM TO AFFIRM MY SEXUALITY BYE.
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my obsession with inanimate objects.
like i’ve said before, i devote an abnormal amount of feeling to inanimate objects. by that i don’t mean i love an object very much for the purpose it serves or can’t live without it, et cetera. the object itself, to me, takes on the characteristic and value of a living entity. in some cases i unconsciously personify these objects, believing them to have feelings (of jealousy, fear, joy).
i know i sound like a serious psycho now, haha – this post has the potential of irrevocably marring my image, but idrc. so, RIGHT. i’ve done my bit of research and the closest description i’ve got for this strange obsession is OCD. which i think everyone has mildly, including myself. on the spectrum of type-writer neat handwriting to arranging my books parallel to my bed or anything, i’m on the occasional urge to tap my other knee if i tap one/need to knock on a surface before i leave a place/inexplicable compulsion to count to a particular number/uncontrollable want to reread the previous page of a novel for no apparent reason range.. OK MAYBE I SHOULD STOP HERE.
so yesterday after i woke up in the middle of the night and thought WHERE IS MY HEATHER GRAY UNDERWEAR I HAVE NOT SEEN IT FOR A LONG TIME I MISS IT, i woke up the next morning thinking, hell. i’m weird. so throughout the day i’ve been listing things i’ve had a strange level of preoccupation with, in descending degrees of cuteness and ascending degrees of creepiness.
a) soft toy(s)
ok this started out as a cute, common thing. i had this yellow teletubby that i brought EVERYWHERE and by everywhere i mean to school and malls and restaurants. before that there was a dog, and in between a slew of other toys i paid extreme attention to as a child. BUT NONE OF THIS WERE, YKNW, ~REAL. until Dinky Danky Ralphie Stein came along. when i first saw it – i know this sounds really dumb but – i just KNEW i had to get it. like it was destined to be mine, i just knew. yes, yes the psycho vibes are reaching from your monitor and molesting you with my oddness, but seriously k.
THIS is where the real psycho bits begin: once ddrs was mine, i started attributing hominal characteristics to it. when G was being crazy and twisted its neck i felt actual FEAR that it might get hurt. i’m slightly ashamed to admit this, but since the entire drama class have witnessed this already – yes, i cried. i mean, my sane side told me it doesn’t really matter, but that creepy inanimate-loving side was just like NOOOO HE’S IN PAAAAAIN~~~ ikr.
i didn’t really take note of my preoccupation any further, since soft toys are very often the subject of obsession (especially in st. nicks, strange). but sometimes i’d catch myself unconsciously placing ddrs strategically among the other toys so IT WOULDN’T BE JEALOUS (that I was favoring the others) WHAT EVEN. also i can’t sleep very well without it, but that’s ( i think) what many struggle with. right? like mr bean. and. others..
b) pet rock/pet ball
at this point i’m thinking – DOES THIS HAPPEN TO EVERYONE, or is it just me? i’ve always assumed having a pet rock is ordinary, because it’s all over Enid Blyton and Beverly Clearys. in fact those were where i got the pet rock idea from. so yes, i stole a rock out of the stone painting kit my mom bought me and just kept it around with me all the time. it was quite a long time ago so i don’t remember exactly what i did to it – but i do know for certain that 1. it had a name 2. i HAD to have it with me at all times 3. i was pretty damn obsessed with it – now when i try to search for that obsession, i can almost feel a tiny spark of intense protectiveness and love i had for.. the rock.
then again, i was young and foolish and that phase passed soon enough. there was another that preceded the rock, in primary 1 i remember. it was a pink rubber ball with a smiley face on it i might have acquired off the road for all i know. i named it Jezebelle. at that time i didn’t know that meant whore (come to think of it, that was scarily accurate in portending my future self). again, i’m not sure what i did with it – many, many things (none sexual), and like the rock i can remember clearly my passionate belief that Jezebelle was a precious, precious thing that understood me and experienced emotions (joy, primarily, for that’s the only expression it was capable of).
i’m surprised i still had (many) friends back then. more surprising is that they remained my friends despite what happened later on. we’re coming to that.
c) a bubble
right. the bubble was just a one off, cute episode i’ve artfully slipped in the middle so you’ll remember that behind the slightly deranged self i’m now projecting is an innocent, sweet, conservative, virginal asian girl to be likened to Spongebob. in fact i was kind of glad when i watched the episode with spongebob and his bubble buddy because it made me realize i’m not insane. spongebob saved my life.
so anyhus, a friend told me how wonderful it was to make soap bubbles while bathing. so that one day i tried and randomly created a small, solid little bubble that i thought was the most beautiful bubble – nay, thing – in the world. (HELL YEA I JUST USED AN ANCIENT SPEECH PATTERN SPONTANEOUSLY. who in hell besides horses says NAY anymore!?) so entranced was i by it’s simple, unadulterated beauty i sat there immobile for what felt like half an hour – which i think was actually five minutes in a non-9-year-old time frame – with the bubble on my hand because i was certain it would burst. it did. actually it was because i breathed so hard it popped. so..
cute right.
d) pokemon
i know all kids were once (or will always be) obsessed with pokemon – the game. i don’t know how many are preoccupied with the pokemon themselves. the game became so real to me, each pokemon i had, i channelled all my maternal love and compassion and consideration into. as proof, you can go though my archives if you have no life and find the post where i went on fervently about how i was so glad my kyogre ‘seemes to like (me)’ apparently stated in its stats, and how i’d never allow my pokemon to faint in battle, ever, because to me that’s betrayal yadda yadda geek. also when i witnessed my swablu’s first evolution through my sister (who borrowed my ds) i was terribly upset because in my thorough emotional entrenchment towards pokemon i wanted it to be a ~special moment between the pokemon and i.
even i am grossed out, a little. right so in summary i truly, truly loved those pokemon – not love as in i love the game i love pokemon, but they were something else entirely. they were mine, and they knew me and i in turn saw myself as their protector. this is where you may start doubting my cuteness and sanity again.
e) my bed
many times in this space i’ve extolled my bed and its general awesomeness and my love for it. my bed and i, we go a long way. it understands me, i understand it. same story as with the rest, except each object is like a.. different friend. i’ve been avoiding this analogy for really long because not only is it clichéd, i am automatically illustrated as a friendless loser (i’m a loser, just with lots of friends plskthnx). but really that’s how i feel about these things.
i had a phase where anyone who touched/laid on my bed without my permission immediately gets banished to my mental blacklist of undesirables. i still remember who they are. dum dum DUM. not a very safe thing to randomly mess with the bed of a potential psychopath now huh.
f) underwear
i pay a lot of attention to my underwear and each one has a special significance to me. the type and color and material are #punnypun immaterial, really. it’s nothing much, tbh. i just spend an extraordinary amount planning and thinking about my undies.
g) rulers
RULERS. RULERSRULERSRULERS. i think anyone who’ve sat with me during class or studied with me would know i’m fixated with stationary – not that i like stationary but they are kind of.. oh fine – MY FRIENDS. it started in secondary two, when i felt a bizarre affinity with one of my rulers, just the usual 40 cents bendable gray-transparent ones.
it just occurred to me how beautiful it was in it’s symmetry, in it’s simplicity and instantly it was personified in my books FOR LIFE. i kept this ruler for as long as i could, with the name Theophilus Mortimark (and used it wherever possible). later it got lost and i was very – and i mean VERY – upset.
i don’t know who’d recall this, but at first i thought someone stole it and went berserk. and then i realized no one really would steal a 40 cents ruler, so i concluded i lost it. WHICH INCITED THE MOST IMMENSE RUSH OF GUILT I’VE EVER FELT FOR AN INANIMATE OBJECT. i was genuinely sorry that i’d misplaced it and led to it’s eternal ferment in probably a corner of the science lab or something.
there was TheoMark the II and a series of others. i’ve learnt not to go loco when they are (inevitably) lost, but will put in an unnatural amount of effort trying to get them back (such as sending frantic mass texts to all my friends ‘HAVE YOU SEEN MORTIMARK?!?’ [also i love how by then they all knew what i was referring to]). even now i’ve never rid of my strange excitement and joy upon using/owning a ruler. except now i’m a lot smarter and keep AT LEAST two rulers – which i love equally (yknw, in case they get jealous and.. yes. right) – at all times.
h) a tube of insect corpse
HAHAHAHAHAHA frankly this doesn’t rank in the obsession list, but it’s just here because i secretly enjoy portraying myself as grotesquely as possible. but really, it amazes me in retrospect how tolerant my primary school classmates were. i can quite certainly say that CHIJ oln produces a hell lot of weird but amazing kids (Cleo, Celine, Chloe, Rach Pung, Kelicia and i to name a few).
i assure you it was due to childish, scientific and intellectual curiosity that i pursued this collection. so you know we had those anti-drug pins every year –
A DIGRESSION: (which i wrote an essay about – it explained at length how the persistent campaign against drugs only served to raise awareness of drugs and its many uses, elevating it to a state not possible if left alone. i mean c’mon. you were a primary school child, you get books and pins and talks about how people abuse drugs to ‘FEEL HAPPY’, ‘ESCAPE PAIN’ and ‘EXPERIENCE HIGH’, while the supposed effects were portrayed by scantily sketched cartoon boys cowering in the corner sniffling, wouldn’t you think HELL i wanna feel happy too! let me take some drugs and sit in a corner sniffing like a zombie for a few days – it’s worth it! if they left the cautionary campaigns alone, kids mostly won’t even KNOW about drugs. SO YES which i submitted to an amused but slightly concerned teacher).
– so these drug pins came in tubes with a rounded glass top and a flat bottom which doubled as removable lid. i caught a few ants and held them captive in the tube. they died, obviously, so i filled the tube with water and carried it around for a period of time. it might have lasted a few days. i’m pretty sure my classmates were fascinated by it. i don’t remember any criticism – or maybe they could already tell i was psycho and were too afraid to agitate me.
i have no idea why i did it, or why i even remember this. it’s not that i’m a cruel ant abuser either (though i have several creative and superbly cruel methods of torture). sometime after this episode i actually adopted a pet ant, which i named Anthony. i had Anthony for half a day, and when we were having assembly, CELINE ONG killed Anthony. i cried.
Kelicia initiated a moment of silence for Anthony after assembly in class, where we – THE ENTIRE CLASS – actually prayed a full minute for poor Anthony whose brothers i had held in a macabre aquarium of sorts. (or rather sisters, since worker ants are all female. knowledgeable me.)
in recording my strange obsession for inanimate stuff, i’ve come to the following conclusion, that:
1. i need a pet really bad.
2. i just have too much love for everything and everyone.
3. inanimate objects that are beautiful are worthy of love akin to that towards living entities.
4. my friends are equally strange (or just extraordinary tolerant, but i believe the former), which contributes a lot to my deviation to strange child.
5. i am a strange, strange child.
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stuff I’m reading, for lack of a better title
in between re-establishing my social life, i’m trying to squeeze in as many novels as i can before the last lap of pre-As mugging begin (MOTHEROF-).
1.
finished Amélie Nothomb’s Hygiene and the Assassin. smart, clean, and Pretextat Tach is convincingly a genius. i don’t know if it’s metafiction, but while reading i’m consciously evaluating the book with the author’s own literary criticism. it’s as if instead of focussing on the plot i’m just constantly catching bits of revelation Nothomb’s plating out. it’s just smart, really smart. reminds me of Wilde’s Importance earlier in the book with all it’s epigrams referring to literature and culture (in fact it does allude to Oscar Wilde about midway through. i love how texts influence each other). it degenerates slightly towards the end though. when pretextat flounders it becomes less enjoyable for me, and it drifts into a kind of surrealism which is pretty unlike the practical preciseness pretextat displays formally. STILL, worth the read. in fact, i’ll say please go read it asap.
2.
halfway through Milan Kundera’s Identity. it’s romance with heavy focus on self and self’s ship with another, without the chicklit-drama nor the subplot, which i don’t like because i’m shallow and bored. so i’ve decided to drop it and move on to something more productive such as math – yeah right. such as reading Skippy Dies. which is slightly lengthier than i can afford now, so we’ll see. so far i only like the parts about Howard the Coward and the fat math geek. i don’t get Skippy and his constant drugged out state, because i am a conservative virginal as- yea you get the idea.
3.
speaking of Kundera and inter-textuality, it occurred to me that Everything is Illuminated was probably inspired by The Unbearable Lightness of Being. alright i may be wrong, but the exact phrase – everything is illuminated – appears in Lightness, and the overall style of Illuminated is reminiscent of it.. right? ok maybe i’m just reading too much into it. LOL. READING. HAHA, HAHA, HAHA. ->PUN<-
4.
fat math geek from Skippy Dies and the Big Bang Theory and also Doctor Who makes me wish i were born extremely science&math-oriented. if i could rock physics i’ll wear thinkgeek shirts exclusively and plaster my room with accurate DayGlo replicates of constellations and have all sorts of sciency gadgets. and i’ll watch bad sci-fi movies without cringing and take apart my graphic calculator.
the nearest i got to being a geek was in secondary two at the peak of my internet usage, where i double-encrypted some strange message with strange computer code that even today i cannot fully figure out how to decode. which now that i think of it was just a cruel time warp so my younger self could serve as a tool to underscore the loserness of my current self.
but seriously, if i could choose i’d want to be a geek. and do all sorts of geeky wonderful stuff and i want to hang out in comic book stores (and also get pissed off when people call it comic books, cuz they’re graphic novels). unfortunately i’m much more adept at analysing personalities off the Great Gatsby than understand a fraction of string theory. :-( THIS LIFE IS NOT MINE TO CHOOSE.
wow, to be a physicist..
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say i’m a celebrity
Say i’m a celebrity and people would actually love to know my latest going-ons, no matter how mundane.
1.
i hate paper. i hate paper. i hate paper. this isn’t technically an update, but i just have a compulsion to reiterate how much i hate paper, especially loose paper. i can’t sleep if there’s a loose sheet of paper somewhere in the room, i can’t. i hate the feel, the sound, the sight of loose paper. strangely i have an almost obsessive love for paper bags. i hate plastic bags. almost as much as i hate paper. almost. yes as you can tell i have an abnormally high level of feeling towards inanimate objects. you should see me with rulers.
2.
AFTER THE MATH PAPER. A16 girls went to town, where we were let loose into H&M. Debbie and I went slightly crazy with pent up prelims angst, which we channelled very effectively into shopping. the harvest was great, if not slightly guilt-inducing. somewhere in my subconscious i know sooner or later everyone in Singapore will look H&M spawned clones, but rn: i haz new top new shorts new dress new bag – and i know i know i’m starting to sound like a blogshop lian (a term i am now much familiar with because beni and xin constantly accuse me of looking like one). so i shall stop.
3.
after which, CRAZY STUPID LOVE which has Emma Stone – that’s really reason enough to love the movie, because EVERYTHING with Emma Stone is bound to be good if not awesome. C’mon I mean, Superbad, House Bunny, Zombieland, Easy A? That’s almost too many movies to be in that’s awesome. anyway, RYAN GOSLING. who is attractive to me not (only) because of hot bod, but also because he has the cutest way of speaking.. slightly like a retarded confused child, but a sexy sexy child. i don’t know.
Steve Carrell was surprisingly good in this. I couldn’t understand why he’s a comedian in most of his previous films. He’s more like a blank slate upon which funny things happen, which is then funny. In Crazy Stupid Love he’s funny in the most natural way possible, and he was really ~intense and charming after his transformation. I like that.
4.
the next day town with Shereen~~~ we wandered around like the strange confused children we are, basically. later with Beni, Cel and Daphne, we wandered around some more like strange confused people and then had an outdoor picnic with texas chicken.
also, we successfully embarrassed ourselves sans Daphne who just looked at us condescendingly and occasionally chucked bits of chicken at us in disgust. Shereen did a demonstration of a dance in public, inciting an indian boy to yell ‘DUMB’ at her. Celine basically flashed her knickers at the world. Benita yelled ‘GONORRHOEA’ into the phone when we were trial testing whether Voice Control recognized that as Gloria. I saw the scariest shit-rat running across the fountain ledge and jumped up shrieking. by the end of the dinner I was pretty sure there was a crowd gathered at the upper level watching us in amusement/condescension.
went to the Icing Room and spent ages mucking around with icing getting Mandee’s cake done. by the way our cake was seriously the best out of everyone’s around. without prejudice it was truly a spectacular cake.
5.
MORNING~ Cleo, Shereen and I went to Manda’s to ~surprise her. so we hung around the poolside with Mandee and her nicenice AC pals where we struggled to see who could embarrass the other more. In the end we didn’t have to try. Just by being Amanda, she was the living embodiment of hilarious. In the most endearing way possible of course, Amanda!
then we went off in our jolly way to V’S SURPRISE with Nat, Dionne and Geeloria joining us!
6.
VANESSA’S 18TH~ at Cineleisure kbox which was just ~WOAH with the scrapbooks and buffet and pool and karaoke. being the strange children we are, however, the greatest part of the day was probably singing YMCA very enthusiastically – actions and all – with Vanessa’s adorable folks. It’s between that and our very excited rapping of Low.
7.
Dionne, Nat, Shreen and I joined the queue for H&M, went in, and stood at a corner being a general obstruction just chillin’~. Hell yeah we are 2cool4school we enter random boutiques to chat. ‘hey let’s go to the lingerie section’ ‘yeah because there are less people there we can talk in peace.’ truly we are strange children.
8.
currently reading:
elephant vanishes by murakami
hygiene and the assassin by amelie nothomb
identity by kundera
skippy dies by paul murrayi tried this thing where i read books simultaneously, but it doesn’t work very well. i can’t quite grasp each book while alternating. so i dropped identity and skippy for later. finished elephant vanishes, is typical murakami. i don’t know why i read him because i want conclusive endings which he doesn’t give. i’m a very traditional, conservative, and virginal asian girl you see. but this one is a collection of short stories which is very tolerable. concise, lasting. especially ‘sleep’ and ‘a family affar’.
hygiene i’m starting to get into it, but i have a feeling i love it already. check out these lines:
‘They went on to support their thesis by citing authors with esoteric names, whose works they themselves had not read, a fact which enabled them to speak about them penetratingly.’
‘I left one novel unfinished. That’s fine: in a successful career, you must always have one unfinished novel if you are to be taken seriously. Otherwise, they think you’re a third rate writer.’
‘I told you, I became a gourmet.’ ‘Full time?’ ‘Let’s say, rather, full capacity.’
can i just say, i would totally believe you if you told me these were taken from Importance. These epigrams are ridiculously reminiscent of Wilde’s innit? The writer’s secretary’s named Ernest. I’m almost positively this text is influenced somehow by Importance, and when i’m done i’ll let y’all know again.
9.
new green tea shampoo. this MAY sound vapid, but you have no idea how profoundly concerned i am about shampoo and green tea. i think about shampoo quite a lot, i mean probably more than the recommended average. it occupies maybe 3% of my daily thoughts. green tea, on the other hand, takes up about 7% i would think. together they take up 1/10th of my everyday life, and thus qualify as a whole point of update. yes. that. new green tea shampoo. which as a kid i’ve tried to extract the scent essence from when i was still young, confused, geeky and have just discovered search engines.
now i’m just confused.
10.
goodnight!
Q 