Q

not being thoughtful about life is a tragic excuse for not blogging. :’-(

also, i don’t exactly know where each stands in the causal link. so in a desperate (very) attempt to regain some sort of contemplative ability, i’m here. hi.

1.

i am growing old. and tired. and jaded.

2.

so are my parents, apparently. i sat in the car for a full ten minutes chatting with my mom and bullying my sister, wondering why my dad hasn’t started driving: he didn’t know i was in the car.

3.

i have come to terms with my largely carnivorous and dairy-based diet. everyone’s all like, omg weiqing please eat vegetables you disgusting methane-filled toxic wasteland of a child. so after the week of fried potatoes, i attempted a 40% increase in vegetable intake – including mushrooms, some dubious bits of spinach leaves (which were absolute horrors), and other things that look like they belong to a vegetable patch but i’m not sure what they actually are. also, i ate fruits. FRUITS. instead of chips, i subbed peanut butter into my snack bar. i am now extremely addicted to peanut butter. it’s a kind of vegetable right? nuts are vegetables – so are peanuts? k let’s just leave it as yes.

anyhus, instead of transforming into the supersonic being, it’s made me lethargic and weak-kneed and hungry almost all the time. so i’ve decided, screw this shit. my body is probably wired differently and can only be healthily sustained with preservatives and processed bacteria and stuff. so i’m not going to eat vegetable ever again. that’s all.

4.

you would think that not seeing your closest friends for a long time can reduce friction, but when we pass a level of friendship where you can suspend basic respect without fear of losing one another, it’s difficult to truly enjoy the company. is it because we’re so secure about each other, there’s no urgency to sustain it?

we’re so caught up with ourselves, no one’s bothered to realise that i’m the only one without another one of us where i am, so you just sidestep my need to share about my life, and sidestep my developments with a ‘you’ve changed’. so why am i the one having to listen and advice when there are others right there with you. when do i get my chance to tell you about my experience without your judgement?

it’s getting hard to reconcile both sides of my life, and sometimes i think the current me is better off with those in school who bother to understand and actually care.

5.

most of the time now, i want to be alone.

6.

mugging can no longer get you anywhere. even if you’re as intelligent a being as me. your only salvation now is super-mugging, of which i am not yet capable of but will soon enough.