What. The. Hell.
Seriously, WHAT THE HELL?
Basically, this relief teacher – Ms Jiang Lai, dished out a whole lot of generalizations on her blog (in horrific English, no less), comparing the date-worthiness of boys in different schools.
Really? Really now? When you look like this:
I’m sorry to say, choices are not something you should be bothered with. You should worry about whether you can actually get a date.
Right. That was bitchiness on her level.
While Ms Jiang Lai has an acutely misguided sense of self, aggravating grammar, and no sense of social awareness, the only proper way to sum up her character is this –
STUPID.
Completely and undoubtedly dumb. I don’t know what in the world she ‘studied’ in Reeds, because it had in no way contributed to her presented state of intelligence. Neither can I understand how she got the job as a relief.
Doesn’t she realize that
a) While her claims are somewhat ubiquitous perceptions of the Singapore public, she didn’t have to beef on the generalization. Neither did she have to phrase it in such a disparaging (yet groundless) manner, which will inevitably lead to backlash.
If she were an AQ question, I will write just two words for my answer: Unfounded generalization.
Everything she says is flawed because her Lilliputian mind cannot comprehend the idea of multiplicity. To Ms Jiang Lai, if one ACSI boy were to be hot, then all of them are. If one RI boy were to have bony legs and body odour, the whole school conforms. In her world, there exist no nuances, no exceptions. Everything has to be in broad categories because that is all Ms Jiang Lai’s intellectual capacity can manage. So she does what she does best, GENERALIZE – and then compound them into what she probably finds to be very clever, astute observations.
An example. ‘Poor. Cheena. Dun dare to get friggin drunk like dufu.’ This is her description of HCI boys. While HCI boys are quite a bunch of Neanderthals – I will never label them cohesively as ‘poor’. Also, if I hailed from the great communist motherland as Ms Jiang Lai did, I would not use the term ‘cheena’ derogatorily on others. Because HOLY SHIT. YOU. ARE. FROM. CHINA. If anything, I respect the Chinese for their allegiance to their motherland. You, Ms Jiang Lai, apparently have no sense of self. Nor shame.
The fact that you compared a drunkard to DU FU tells me your knowledge of getting tipsy is probably limited to your Tang poem personas basking around by the Yellow River drinking wine and chasing concubines. So why are you, oh proud comrade of the great china, dissing your motherland? Please don’t give your whole ‘i’m hot stuff and i booze and many guys want my hot ass’ crap. You have no right to.
Which brings us to our next point.
b) TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF, MS JIANG LAI.
I don’t have a problem with people being ugly – I repeat, I don’t care if you look like a cross-breed between iggy pop and a mole rat. But it pisses me off when you – LOOKING THE WAY YOU DO – truly believe you’re on a standard high enough for your judgement of others. No. You are not.
Perhaps you have not realised after thirty-odd years of living (again raising queries about your IQ hor), but you are in fact, not very good-looking. And because you have no qualms categorising entire SCHOOLS on their state of ugliness, then neither will I restrain my views on your fugliness. Which cannot be properly described with words as a picture can, so behold:
c) Why are you a teacher?
You are morally decadent (judging students.. PUBLICLY, wth?), stupid (as we have already established), and – basically the antipode to what a teacher should be. Oh by the way did I mention your English is horrendous? Well yeah it is.
What in the world is this? Vaguely I can detect your undertaking of ‘sarcasm’. But word of advice, Ms Jiang Lai – sarcasm only works when you have properly mastered the language you’re employing to exercise it. At first I thought – OH WOW YAY, this is exciting. Someone standing up against the administration again. Lol sarcasm lol.
After the second paragraph, however, my conclusion is that you have achieved a feat of what I call
SELF-OWNAGE.
That’s right. In your feeble-minded endeavour to strike up against authority, you’ve failed not only miserably but unconsciously. Throughout the letter, you present yourself as a huge joke – alternatively self-lauding and self-deprecating to the most futile of usage.
Ms Jiang Lai. I have never seen such a hilarious attempt at trying to overturn authority (which is not a very difficult task for anyone with a sense of humour and/or reasonable intelligence [neither of which you seem to possess]). The result is pitiable, but so very very amusing. In fact, being a Hwa Chong student, this is one of the few times I’ve seen a failed attempt at undermining the staff – and it’s almost as amusing as the converse.
I mean, REALLY. ‘Master of the Troll Clan’. So subtle of you, Ms Jiang Lai. So sophisticated, so mature, so telling of your education at Reeds. That is so reminiscent of kids at my CIP calling each other Poopy Pants and Lesbo Tortoise, and even then they sound more effective than ‘MASTER OF THE TROLL CLAN’.
e) WHY. Why do you have to openly proclaim your affiliation with SNGS?
Firstly let me clarify that she is the minority of SN girls with questionable intellect and some weird social affliction. Whatever she claims is NOT NOT NOT representative of the SN community. Neither do we support her insinuations regarding girls of other schools (probably arising from her diminutive social circle). While YEAHHHH okay, SN girls are kinda awesome – but also in us are a modest propriety that will in no way endorse her very painful-to-read exaltations about SN girls. YO MS JIANG LAI. The traits you listed, while true, should be self-explanatory – by spelling them out and throwing them in the faces of others, you offset the truthfulness and razed SN’s rep. Thanks a lot, you and your subversive, witty, honest, public bawling. I’m very not proud of having you as part of the SN community kthnx.
RE-EVALUATE YOURSELF.
Another question, have you ever considered what all these boys you’ve implicated in your blog post think of YOU? Hurhurhur. Because if you did consider the things that’ll be said about you, I think you’ll quail in a corner and never come out where the sun doth shine. You poor thing. :-(
Q 
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