Q

The Avengers in one sentence: I liked it, but it wasn’t worth the hype.

But you know i can’t stop at one sentence. There were things i liked about it (mostly how good Chris Evan’s ass looked suited up), but i didn’t leave thinking: woah. Which i did for First Class just last year.

(I don’t have to disclaim about for spoilers do i.. it’s late enough.)

What The Avengers did right

– They remembered to include Maria Hill. AND THEY GOT ROBIN SPARKLES TO DO IT YAY.

– LOKI? Holy hell this is one place the hype was accurately placed. Even Steve Rogers agrees he grows on you. HE DOES. He’s adorable. I can’t hate him i just can’t. He’s like a bratty little brother run wild (technically he IS that).

– Pepper humor. My self-coined trope for one-liners that are gold peppered all over the place (in this case: every ten minutes). Typical Whedon, although he still does it better in his own space (i.e Firefly – dialogue humor heaven). But in The Avengers, like a typical fanboy marvelling tentatively with a new toy he can’t yet figure out how to play, he sticks in clever little bits of laughs almost as a desperate means to keep it together.. poor guy.

– THE ACTION SEQUENCES. My favorite must be Black Widow right at the beginning with the Russians. But then again i have the whole Bruce Lee kungfu complex it probably wasn’t that brilliant. NO, NO IT IS THAT BRILLIANT. And that little thing she did with Hawkeye when he almost attacked her oh god oh god.

– You can’t go wrong with Robert Downey/Tony Stark.

– Hello, Chris Evans’ ass… Hello, creepy me.

– And surprisingly, my personal favorite when it came to casting was Mark Ruffalo. He’s so damn endearing for some confusing latent reason, which i thought went really well for the whole Nice Guy when un-green thing, even though Bruce Banner is nothing like that in the series.

– THE HULK. He wasn’t this scary back in 08. SCARY AS HELL HERE. I love it.

–  Did Joss Whedon stay as close to the plot as fanboys expected him too? From what i can see yes, although i’m not exactly an expert, but.. He DID hint at Tony Stark’s familiarity with Maria Hill and sort-of tension with the Black Widow (or maybe it’s just pre-conception on my part). Sharon Charter’s death was there, fair enough. Hawkeye asking Black Widow if she knew what it was like to have someone control his mind, her replying: “you know i do.” /reference. K so he did keep to his word, which i guess is a happy orgy party for fanboys in the know.

What The Avengers did wrong

– To be frank. The plot was absolute crap. I expected more. I mean it’s Whedon and all.. but then again maybe he works best in his underground fanboy obscurity. Maybe being cancelled and/or producing for netizens IS his style (holy balon- it’s TRUE. Out of all his TV, only the Buffy franchise didn’t get cut.)

– I guess he isn’t prepared for the silver screen just yet. Or maybe epics aren’t his thing. It’s a sweet little movie, in fact i can imagine it as a series! But as a movie it had balls time management. For instance, if he cut out that forty second redundant with Captain America and the police officer who wouldn’t take orders and later on repeated orders into his walkie, he could have spent it developing on characters..

– Which reminds me. They all have so much promise. Steve Rogers’ flashback in the beginning, the elusive past of the Black Widow, Bruce Banner being always angry – I WANT TO KNOW MORE. But nah. Someone just give this guy a TV series already.

– THE ANTAGONISTS ARE SUCH JOKES. Loki is adorable to the point of harmlessness. He was also punk’d by Tony Stark, bullied by Bruce Banner, tricked by the Black Widow, and mothered by Thor. HOW TO TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY. And his last line, whilst cute, made him seem really minuscule.

– The giant bugs were pretty epic, reminds me of Nausicaa, but they were just that.. bugs. Nuisances. Tedious to kill off but nothing really challenging. It was such a bore.

– Even the mastermind alien man was a joke besides being hilariously hideous. The little speech the alien made after the credits? It was really bad.. Is it a build-up to A2? Is it part of Whedon’s home video collection after a drunken college cosplay party?

– Some scenes border on amateur. The argument one, for instance. Seriously.. canon chaos? For a blockbuster? Like i said, he’s not yet ready for the big screen.

– Maria Hill packs a whole lot more kick than that. Simply having her there isn’t enough. It’s not Smulders fault though they just didn’t give her a chance to develop. I shall refrain from snarky Robin Sparkles/Scherbatsky references.

– Where is Doctor Strange. WHERE IS HE. This is my greatest gripe actually.