Q

It’s been a year since I was first bribed by Justin’s cookies into being his weekend bitch. It feels surreally like I’ve known him since way before that, but at the same time like we just got together a week ago.

There wasn’t much fanfare or fireworks: we spent Saturday playing boardgames, eating homemade chee cheong fun, and watching Finding Nemo at Xin’s with the mugs; Sunday drowsily watching cartoons and cat videos between taking a lot of naps.

It’s difficult to put the extent of this into words, but I really, really do love him very much, everything about him, and in many ways. I love him as a friend and as a person. I am a huge fan of his intelligence, his talent, his lack of pretention and how much fun he is to be around, the way I love all my other friends who blind me with their quick wit and make me laugh. I love him in an annoying and nauseatingly infatuated way – when he smiles it makes me want to flail around because it’s too adorable to bear and I just want to squeeze him rlyrly tight in a completely sexual way. And I love him like I would my family: thoroughly and with a biological inevitability.

One of the few things I’m very grateful for: he has smoothened out an otherwise rough road for me. I tend to go a little nuts with change and disorder. University, coupled with some shifts in my family and growing up and everything in the crockpot of horror would’ve made me completely cray. I was really lucky because at the time I most needed stable, unconditional care, and someone to hawkishly watch out for and rag sense into me, he was there.

The other: he makes me want to be a better person. The quiet way he is mindful of other’s misfortunes without being showy about it, the gentle way he has with qt little animals, the way he gives me a second (more empathetic) opinion whenever I rage about someone who annoyed me. It makes me think – omg even Justin who is super bitchy on social media is nicer than me I need to stop being a witch – and I’d channel good thoughts and breathe compassionate chi.

The thing I love most of all is that he doesn’t even realize how much he’s done for me.

*infatuated flail*

Anyway, I can’t claim to be an expert or anything, but there were a few things I’ve picked up on how to keep a relationship going. It didn’t come naturally and it took some trial and error, a little hard work and thought. (And I’m extra motivated to work for it because we might be continentally separated in the near future so I wanna make the most out of what we have.)

I’m a strong believer of having to work to sustain a relationship, be it a friendship or otherwise. This is ’cause I think love and hate are just a tiny leap away from each other – both governed by strong passions. You can love someone insanely but if you don’t prune the relationship well and it sours, it can so, so easily transit into hate.

It’s been a year and I still feel all fuzzy and excited whenever I think about Justin, in fact I think a lot more so than I already did a year ago. I’m just ver, very grateful for everything and idk what kind of luck I’ve accumulated because this boy is really perfect ily

*INTENSE EMOTIONS*…

*awkward exit*