Q

Before anything, i identify myself as an egalitarian. If i were to endorse feminism, it’s because gender inequalities are inherent in many parts of the world. No one – men or women – on the basis of being human, should be artificially disadvantaged. There are times, though, when arguments under the guise of feminism strike me as misandry. There is a difference between establishing equality by granting women the rights they deserve, and destabilizing men to equalize via inequality. That isn’t progressive, which feminism should be.

In some instances, radical feminism imposes the same constraints and judgments on their ‘less feminist’ counterparts. How is that any better than the patriarchy they so loathe? I’m talking about ‘feminists’ who strongly oppose willing stay-at-home moms/wives, who despise men for feeling the need to protect their spouses because it is ‘chauvinistic’ and ‘demeans women’s power’. Of course, that is a small minority of the feminist movement. But their voices are loud enough to color the positive and progressive campaigns by true feminists. 

Why #womenagainstfeminism took root can be attributed to distorted understanding of true feminism, because of misandry-disguised-as-feminism. That, and because most of us are riding the waves of successful feminist movements prior to our time: the lack of perceptible oppression in our immediate society makes it difficult for those without contextual knowledge to empathize.

Having spent most of my life in a girls’ school, and surrounded mostly by SNAGs, gender divides to me appear arbitrary. I’ve never seen myself as a victim of gender prejudice. In fact, i think most social environments i’ve found myself in condemn discrimination of women, and are less hostile to females. This, strictly, is a form of positive discrimination – but hey people are being nice to me, i’d take it.

What i’m trying to say is: of course feminism should exist. Just as human rights organizations are significant, feminists are fundamental in grounding and furthering the progress of gender equality everywhere.

But it scares me how quickly #womenagainstfeminism were dismissed. The predominant sentiment online – and the one implicitly deemed ‘correct’/expected of open-minded individuals – is disbelief, disgust, and then jeering. It scares me because there i can understand the rationale behind some of their words, the very words considered wrong and regressive by most of the internet.

“I don’t need feminism because i don’t need to demonize men to make myself feel good.”

This line was tossed around many times, lost in a cloud of less meaningful claims. I don’t agree with the first part: we do need feminism. But yes, we don’t need the kind of feminism that demonizes men. Neither do we need a feminism that dictates what a woman shouldn’t do because it is considered demeaning to their gender.

Don’t dress up for men, don’t give up your career for your children, you don’t need men.

Feminism isn’t about that. It’s about the right of woman to do what they truly want, independent of social pressure of any kind. 

We need #womenagainstfeminism to understand that feminism is necessary, but to do so we need women to understand what feminism actually is. By cracking down on them, invalidating their words and labeling them as obstructions to progress will only reinforce their distorted perception of feminist intolerance.

#Womenagainstfeminism are entitled to their opinion, just as any other woman is (feminist claim, right there). They are speaking out against a whole different set of oppressors – other women instead of men. The issue is complicated because of the muddy division between their oppressors (misandrists/extreme feminists) and the very people who freed them. Instead of reacting as they would expect feminists to, show them what real feminist is and isn’t.