Month: September 2026

• Letters to my boys #1

  Dear Luki,

  You can spend ages fighting sleep, quietly vibing in your cot. We call it “furnishing your interior world”, and your world must surely be well-furnished by now. What big thoughts are you thinking up in your little head? Will you remember when you’re older and tell us all about them?

  Dear Henio,

  Mama likes to call you 涵nibal Lecter. Truthfully, you terrify me with your self-possessed confidence, boldness, and ability to demand! what! you! want! It is terrific, and terrifying. I hope you have kept your fiery spirit with you.

  Boys,

  You are 10 weeks tomorrow. Both of you are growing more aware of the world around you, more aware of each other and people in your lives.

  Mama worries sometimes about not engaging you enough with activities: but when I finally feed, diaper, and burp, one or both of you are either asleep or crying. I try to talk to the twin who is done first while burping the other, I try to sing to you while feeding (although both of you are hyper-focused drinkers and hate being disturbed), I try to talk to you while diapering (failure — as both of you cry when on the changing pad).

  Yesterday, I tried to dance for you to Godma’s nursery rhyme series. Both of you loved it! Well, you fellas didn’t cry at least.

  Mama also put Luki on the bouncer for 3 seconds – it did not seem to be a pleasant 3 seconds for him…

  Tata is your primary bathgiver — do you remember this? He is a busy, busy man, but rushes home for this little ritual for you. You float in your little tub with the most adorable expressions, as if you can’t decide if you are in shock or enjoyment.

  Your gong gong calls you the ‘Wonderful Twins’. You are indeed wonderful!

  September 10, 2026

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• 9 weeks, 5 days

  Hello, my cosy, faithful little digital space.

  I’ll just get right into it – the luxury of time isn’t one new mothers can afford.

  Raising twins is hard. It may be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it is also, without a doubt, the most worthwhile. I don’t want to go into the hard, because when future me reads this 1, 10, 20 years from now, that’s not what I care about remembering.

  Let me instead write about the humans.

  Yes, humans! I still get a shock at times while nursing them, looking at these very real, squirming, farting, grunting, warm-fleshed, blinking HUMANS that I’ve created. It happens every second since the start of humanity, but it is still a marvel. That out of nothing, two things collide and grow into the very things we are.

  Enough abstract musings.

  Here are the concretes, for posterity.

  Luki (Luki-bun, bun-bun,  小兔宝，小绍源), is the most pensieve, curious, and intelligent little boy! He has the expressions of one much older than his age. He loves looking around, especially at books (classics, mind you! not colored picture books!), and is very attentive when we read near him or read to him. When we put on Vivaldi and Mozart on the telly, he stares incessantly at the screen. Luki also loves loves looooves his tata. He gazes up at his tata with stars and moons in his eyes. Even when he was little-r, he would grab on to his tata’s shirt and arms when carried, and he’s had his most profound sleeps on tata.

  Henio (lil’ rascal, cutie-bun, 小涵宝,  mini-me) is a joy to behold. His personality is apparent from such a young age. He’s a free-spirit, bold, expressive, and chuckles in his sleep often — I suspect he’s laughing at his own made up jokes. This little one can be screaming and then, in a milisecond, be fast asleep. He’s a champion sleeper! When he’s upset about something, he lets you know in a non-specific way: you know he’s angry. He also loves the sound of Mandarin!

  Both boys are already coo-ing, and sometimes, they talk to each other. While Henio used to be more curious about Luki, Luki has now become more aware of his brother’s existence than vice versa. Henio grins cheekily and Luki has a sweet smile; Henio has big chuckles in his sleep and Luki has soft ones. All in all, I find them both precious, beautiful, amazing, a wonder!

  They have also begun to smell less like a generic milky baby, and more stamped with their unique sweat/skin scent, which is intoxicating to me. I love that they now have the earliest inkling of me as a familiar and safe being, sometimes following me with their eyes or reacting to my sounds, and prefering to be soothed by me.

  I have no delusions that these little beings are only ‘mine’ for this miniscule period of time before they’re their own.

  So I will enjoy every bit and second of this. Tough as it is.

  September 8, 2026

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