Q

Hello, my cosy, faithful little digital space.

I’ll just get right into it – the luxury of time isn’t one new mothers can afford.

Raising twins is hard. It may be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it is also, without a doubt, the most worthwhile. I don’t want to go into the hard, because when future me reads this 1, 10, 20 years from now, that’s not what I care about remembering.

Let me instead write about the humans.

Yes, humans! I still get a shock at times while nursing them, looking at these very real, squirming, farting, grunting, warm-fleshed, blinking HUMANS that I’ve created. It happens every second since the start of humanity, but it is still a marvel. That out of nothing, two things collide and grow into the very things we are.

Enough abstract musings.

Here are the concretes, for posterity.

Luki (Luki-bun, bun-bun,  小兔宝，小绍源), is the most pensieve, curious, and intelligent little boy! He has the expressions of one much older than his age. He loves looking around, especially at books (classics, mind you! not colored picture books!), and is very attentive when we read near him or read to him. When we put on Vivaldi and Mozart on the telly, he stares incessantly at the screen. Luki also loves loves looooves his tata. He gazes up at his tata with stars and moons in his eyes. Even when he was little-r, he would grab on to his tata’s shirt and arms when carried, and he’s had his most profound sleeps on tata.

Henio (lil’ rascal, cutie-bun, 小涵宝,  mini-me) is a joy to behold. His personality is apparent from such a young age. He’s a free-spirit, bold, expressive, and chuckles in his sleep often — I suspect he’s laughing at his own made up jokes. This little one can be screaming and then, in a milisecond, be fast asleep. He’s a champion sleeper! When he’s upset about something, he lets you know in a non-specific way: you know he’s angry. He also loves the sound of Mandarin!

Both boys are already coo-ing, and sometimes, they talk to each other. While Henio used to be more curious about Luki, Luki has now become more aware of his brother’s existence than vice versa. Henio grins cheekily and Luki has a sweet smile; Henio has big chuckles in his sleep and Luki has soft ones. All in all, I find them both precious, beautiful, amazing, a wonder!

They have also begun to smell less like a generic milky baby, and more stamped with their unique sweat/skin scent, which is intoxicating to me. I love that they now have the earliest inkling of me as a familiar and safe being, sometimes following me with their eyes or reacting to my sounds, and prefering to be soothed by me.

I have no delusions that these little beings are only ‘mine’ for this miniscule period of time before they’re their own.

So I will enjoy every bit and second of this. Tough as it is.