Q

Luki and Henio turn 12 weeks today!

They are both prodigiously communicative, with a wide vocabulary consisting of goo, a-woo, gaa, buuu, kkkkhh, and kkkhee.

Luki loves to talk when he’s on the bouncer and during baths. He looks you right in the eye, holds a proper back and forth conversation, and often laughs at whatever we say — without sound for now, but with the sweetest, widest smile and gets his whole body jiving!

Henio absolutely loves massages, just like his dad, and makes it known by telling me so during bathtime massages. He talks whenever, wherever, when his mood strikes. This sweet little thing sometimes looks up at me with the biggest eyes while nursing and unlatches to speak ‘a-goo-gaa’.

With communication comes more demands, more awareness, and more needs! The two aren’t easy at all, especially the past 2 weeks, but the smiles and coo-ing are excellent balm to the challenges.

My boys are 11 weeks today. I write this with Henio in my arms (yes, Luki, I carry you just as much!).

11 weeks of amazement at these two little tots with so much personality, personalities that color themselves bolder each day.

11 weeks of wondering if I’m a good enough mother, fretting that I have to put one down to carry the other, when the last thing I want to do is to not hold either one of you when you need me.

11 weeks of a constantly expanding heart, pushing myself to the edge and finding in myself yet more steam and strength to go on.

Luki bats readily at the mobile, gets excited when he does and kicks out his legs and arms with a look of awe as if he wasn’t the one who just did it. Or perhaps he knows, and is fascinated by the discovery of cause and effect. The effect he has on the world, which will only get bigger and bigger from hereon!

Henio stares at gong gong with utter love in his eyes, charming the man endlessly. He doesn’t bat at mobiles, but he loves to simply watch the spinning of one. When it stops, he makes sounds of clear demand for someone to quickly make it spin again! What a little boss!

Both have had the chance to sit on the bouncer.

Every time Henio sits on it, he poops. Yesterday, he looked out into our balcony and beyond with wide eyed wonder, seated on the bouncer.

Luki, on the other hand, finally gets to meet us face to face while on the bouncer! He smiles and coos while we talk to him on it. He doesn’t like googoo gagas, he likes human talk!

Do babies have a personality and when do they have one? Mine came out with big, distinct ones, and the days make them clearer and larger.

Mama has miraculously found time to read, pages at a time, while caring for her two little otters.

I’ve read:

• Roadside Picnic
• The Count of Monte Cristo
• (Re-read) Exhalations
• (Currently reading) East of Eden

It’s a streak of very good new reads, and I’m mighty pleased. You can really never go wrong with classics.

Hello, my cosy, faithful little digital space.

I’ll just get right into it – the luxury of time isn’t one new mothers can afford.

Raising twins is hard. It may be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it is also, without a doubt, the most worthwhile. I don’t want to go into the hard, because when future me reads this 1, 10, 20 years from now, that’s not what I care about remembering.

Let me instead write about the humans.

Yes, humans! I still get a shock at times while nursing them, looking at these very real, squirming, farting, grunting, warm-fleshed, blinking HUMANS that I’ve created. It happens every second since the start of humanity, but it is still a marvel. That out of nothing, two things collide and grow into the very things we are.

Enough abstract musings.

Here are the concretes, for posterity.

Luki (Luki-bun, bun-bun,  小兔宝，小绍源), is the most pensieve, curious, and intelligent little boy! He has the expressions of one much older than his age. He loves looking around, especially at books (classics, mind you! not colored picture books!), and is very attentive when we read near him or read to him. When we put on Vivaldi and Mozart on the telly, he stares incessantly at the screen. Luki also loves loves looooves his tata. He gazes up at his tata with stars and moons in his eyes. Even when he was little-r, he would grab on to his tata’s shirt and arms when carried, and he’s had his most profound sleeps on tata.

Henio (lil’ rascal, cutie-bun, 小涵宝,  mini-me) is a joy to behold. His personality is apparent from such a young age. He’s a free-spirit, bold, expressive, and chuckles in his sleep often — I suspect he’s laughing at his own made up jokes. This little one can be screaming and then, in a milisecond, be fast asleep. He’s a champion sleeper! When he’s upset about something, he lets you know in a non-specific way: you know he’s angry. He also loves the sound of Mandarin!

Both boys are already coo-ing, and sometimes, they talk to each other. While Henio used to be more curious about Luki, Luki has now become more aware of his brother’s existence than vice versa. Henio grins cheekily and Luki has a sweet smile; Henio has big chuckles in his sleep and Luki has soft ones. All in all, I find them both precious, beautiful, amazing, a wonder!

They have also begun to smell less like a generic milky baby, and more stamped with their unique sweat/skin scent, which is intoxicating to me. I love that they now have the earliest inkling of me as a familiar and safe being, sometimes following me with their eyes or reacting to my sounds, and prefering to be soothed by me.

I have no delusions that these little beings are only ‘mine’ for this miniscule period of time before they’re their own.

So I will enjoy every bit and second of this. Tough as it is.